Manners & Cvstoms of ye Englyshe

HYGHEST COURT OF LAW IN YE KYNGDOM. YE LORDS HEARYNG APPEALS

    Thursday, June 7, 1849.

Up, and to the House of Lords, where a Committee of Privileges touching a disputed Peerage, but I did only go for a Sight of the Inside of the House, well worth seeing; and the Carving, and Gilding, and Blazoning, a rich Feast to the Eye. There present none but my Lord Brougham and my Lord Campbell, and three or four other Lords, but a smaller Muster do often serve for a Court of Appeal; for their Lordships do trust all their Law Business to the Law-Lords' Hands. Counsel speaking at the Bar of the House, and the Clerks of the House before them at the Table, all in their Wigs very stately, but my Lords lolling on the Benches, free and easy, they only having the Right to make themselves at Home, yet droll to see the Officers of the House forced to stand, but some of them leaning against the Stems of the gilt Candlesticks, fast asleep on their Legs. Did think I should go to sleep too, if I stayed much longer, and about to depart; but glad I did not; for presently the Counsel made an End, and then my Lord Brougham examining a Witness was almost the best Sport that I ever had in my Life. The Witness, one of the Attornies for the Claimant of the Title, and Lord Brougham suspecting some Trickery in the Case, and good Lack! how he did bait and ferret him to draw it out, asking the most peremptory Questions, and sometimes a second before the first could be answered, firking with Impatience like one smarting with Stinging Nettles: which was great Mirth. It did well-nigh cause me to laugh outright, and commit a Breach of Privilege, to hear him in a Fume, echo the Witness's Answers, and cry Eh? What! How! Why? and Wherefore? and demand how he could do this, or came not to do the other, and how was that, and so forth, and then set his Memory right, next made a short Speech, then give a little Evidence of his own, and again go back to the Examination. It seemed that the Pretender to the Peerage had been helped with Money to maintain his Suit by certain Persons, and my Lord did strive to worm out of the Lawyer their End therein: but to no Purpose; for he had met with his Match; so forced to content himself with a Quip on the Chances of the Witness's Client. Then another Witness examined; a Chirurgeon, whom Lord Brougham did make merry with for his jolly good-natured Looks, and did jest upon concerning his Vocation: and the other did bandy Jokes with my Lord, and gave him as good as he brought. Methinks such Bantering is strange of a Peer, and one that hath been Lord Chancellor and used to sit on the Woolsack, or anywhere else but the Box of an Omnibus. But strange, how sober a Speech in summing up the Evidence my Lord did make after all; and no Doubt he can be reasonable and quiet when he pleases. Save a few words from Lord Campbell, not a Syllable spoke but my Lord Brougham; wherefore methinks he must have been thoroughly happy, having had nigh all the Talk to himself. But the highest Court of Law in the Realm numbering so few, put me much in mind of the Army in Bombastes Furioso.

THE FLOWER SHOWE AT CHYSYK GARDENS

    Saturday, June 9, 1849.

My Wife holding me to my Promise to take her to the Chiswick Flower Show, and I could not break it; for certainly the poor Wretch do drudge in the House like a Slave; and so often as I go out for Pleasure myself, methinks it were well to give her a Treat now and then, to ease my Conscience, and keep her quiet also. So took her, though our two Tickets together came to 10s., and we thither in an Omnibus, and the Fare doubled on the Occasion, instead of 1s. cost me 2s. more, which made me mad. A rare Sight, nigh the Gardens, to look out on the Line of Carriages behind us, and methought how mean and paltry it seemed to be riding in an Omnibus; and was in some Trouble lest any of our acquaintance should be in the Carriages, and see us 'light. At the Passage to the Gardens beset by Fellows with Shoe-Brushes and Clothes-Brushes, importunate to brush my Coat and Boots, that were clean enough, but only to earn 4d. or 6d. Our Tickets delivered, and we into the Grounds with a Stream of Company, and followed them and our Ears to a Band of Musique, the Horse Guards playing hard by a Grove of Rhododendrons in full Bloom, and a Mob of Beauties round about them more blooming still. Heard a Medley-Piece of Scraps of most of the Operas that I knew; which was better Musique than I expected. Then to the Tents, where the Prize-Flowers are shown, on high Stands as long as a moderate-sized Barn: and there a pretty Display of Orchids, Azaleas, Cactuses, Pelargoniums, and Heaths, very rare and curious, and a few choice Roses; but I expected to see Roses as big as Cabbages. Many of the Flowers finely variegated, and giving forth a Perfume sweeter than Atkinson his shop. Strange how to some of the Pelargoniums were given the names of Grisi, Alboni, Mario, and other Opera Singers: and Mr. Wagstaffe do say it is Musique in a Flower-Pot. After seeing the Flowers, to stroll about the Walks and among the Trees, and view the Flowers without Stalks, which I do admire most of all, and a brave show they were, drest out in their gayest, and smiling as if resolved to look as pretty as they could; and looking all the brighter for the Sun shining without a Cloud to be seen: whereby out of Pain for my Wife's pink Bonnet, which, if spoiled by the Rain usual at this Show, had been £2, 2s. gone. The Bands from Time to Time beat a March about the Garden; when to see the fine Ladies and Gentlemen follow at the Soldiers' Heels, natural as ragged Street-Children! At last all played together, and ended with God Save the Queen; when the Flowers wheeled away. But the Company remaining, some sitting on Benches to make a Lane, and the Rest of the Multitude walking up and down to be seen, and the Beauties showing off their Graces, which I did inspect from Head to Foot. My Wife beginning to admire a certain Satin; so knowing what this signified, away, and home to a Leg of Mutton; thinking of the State of the Nation, which should not be so mighty gloomy to judge of it by Chiswick Flower Show, and wondering how much all the Finery there cost, and where all the Money could have come from.

"SOCYETYE" ENJOYINGE ITSELFE AT A SOYRÉE

    Friday, June 15, 1849.

After a Dinner of Bubble and Squeak, my Wife and I to my Lord Wilkinson's At Home, by invitation; though Heaven knows if ever I set Eyes on his Lordship in my Life or he on me; but do ascribe this Honour to having my Name put down in the Court Guide, and am glad to find the Consequence and Importance I have got thereby. I in my new Suit of Black and Silk Neckerchief, with a Fringe at the Ends, and my Wife did wear her Lace Dress over her pink Satin Slip, which was very handsome. Gave our Card to a Lackey in Yellow and Crimson Livery, with a huge Shoulder-knot, who did shout out our Name, which, passing along a Row of his Fellows lining the Stairs, was by the Time it reached the Drawing-Room changed to Pippins – but no matter; and so we were presented to my Lord and my Lady. So on in the Crowd; for my Lord's Drawing-Room as thronged as the Opera Pit Entrance on a Thursday Night. Methought surely there was Something worth seeing and hearing; but saw nothing extraordinary beyond the Multitude of Company, and divers Writers, Painters, and other Persons of Note, elbowing their Way through the Press; nor heard anything but Puffing and Gasping, and complaining of the terrible Heat. Several Ladies fainting; and my Wife declaring she feared she should faint too, which made me mad; for it is always the Way with Women at Spectacles and Assemblies, and yet they needs must and will go to them. At some Distance before us, a Bustle and Stir, and in the midst of it a Lackey with a Tray, whereon were Ices – the People struggling for them; and I also strove to get one for my Wife; but the Attempt vain, and we borne clear away by the Current to the other side of the Room. Some young Beauties there, whom to have looked upon at my Ease, and they at theirs, would have been a great delight; but they in such Discomfort, that it quite spoilt their Prettiness, which was pitiful. We met Dr. Dabbes the great Chemist, with whom some pretty Discourse concerning the Air of crowded Rooms, which he said do contain a Gas called Carbonic Acid, and is poisonous, and we were now breathing too much per Cent. of it, which did trouble me. To think what Delight fashionable Folks can take in crowding together, to the Danger of Health, a Set of People, for the most Part, Strangers both to them and to one another! Away early; for we could endure the Stifling no longer: and good Lack, what a Relief to get into the open Air! My white Kid Gloves soiled, cost me 3s. 6d.; but am thankful I carried with me my Spring Hat, which do shut up; and did chuckle to see how many others got their Hats crushed. Home in a Cab, and on the Way bought a Lobster, whereunto my Wife would have me add a Bottle of Stout, which did think a good Notion; cost me together 3s. 6d., and the Cab 2s. 6d. more, and then to Supper; mighty proud that I had been invited by my Lord, though utterly tired with his Party, and so with great Satisfaction, but much Weariness, to Bed.

A VIEW OF MR. LORDE HYS CRYKET GROUNDE

    Monday, June 18, 1849.

This Day a great Cricket Match, Surrey against England, at Lord's, and I thither, all the Way to St. John's Wood, to see the Place, having often heard Talk of it, and the Playing, which Mr. Longstoppe did tell me was a pretty Sight. Paid 6d. to be let in, and 2d. for a Card of the Innings, and bought a little Book of the Laws of the Game, cost me 1s. 6d. more, though when I had got it, could hardly understand a Word of it; but to think how much Money I spend out of Curiosity, and how inquisitive I am, so as to be vexed to the Heart if I cannot thoroughly make out every Thing I see! The Cricketing I believe very fine; but could not judge of it; for I think I did never before see any Cricket since I was a little Varlet Boy at School. But what a Difference between the Manner of Bowling in those Days, and that Players now use! for then they did moderately trundle the Ball under-hand; but now they fling it over-handed from the Elbow, as though viciously, and it flies like a Shot, being at least Five Ounces and a Half in Weight, and hard as a Block. I saw it strike one of the Batmen on the Knuckles, who Danced and shook his Fist, as methought well he might. But to see how handy some did catch it, though knocked off the Bat by a strong Man with all his Force; albeit now and then they missing it, and struck by it on the Head, or in the Mouth, and how any one can learn to play Cricket without losing his front Teeth is a Wonder. The Spectators sitting on Benches in a Circle, at a Distance, and out of the Way of the Ball, which was wise; but some on a raised Stand, and others aside at Tables, under a Row of Trees near a Tavern within the Grounds, with Pipes and Beer; and many in the Circle also Smoking and Drinking, and the Drawers continually going the Round of them to serve them Liquor and Tobacco. But all as quiet as a Quaker's Meeting, except when a good Hit made, or a Player bowled out, and strange to see how grave and solemn they looked, as if the Sight of Men in white Clothes, knocking a Ball about, were Something serious to think on. Did hear that many had Wagers on the Game, but doubt it, for methinks there had been more Liveliness if much Betting, and Chance of winning or losing Money. The Company very numerous, and among them some in Carriages, and was glad to see so many People diverted, although at what I could not tell. But they enjoyed themselves in their Way, whatever that was, and I in mine, thinking how droll they looked, so earnestly attending to a mere Show of Dexterity. I, for my Part, soon out of Patience with the Length of the Innings, and the Stopping and Interruption after each Run, and so away, more tired, I am sure, than any of the Cricketers. Yet I do take Pride, as an Englishman, in our Country Sport of Cricket, albeit I do not care to watch it playing; and certainly it is a manly Game, throwing open the Chest, and strengthening the Limbs, and the Player so often in Danger of being hit by the Ball.

A RAYLWAYE MEETYNGE. EMOTYON OF YE SHAREHOLDERES AT YE ANNOUNCEMENTE OF A DIVIDENDE OF 2-1/2d

    Monday, July 2, 1849.

Comes Mr. Stagge to take me to the great Railway Meeting at a London Tavern; and we up the Back Stairs to the Platform among the Directors, and glad of so good a Place; but fearing to be taken for one of my Company, did get behind a fat Man to hide myself. The Shareholders below met to hear their Affairs debated, and what a Collection of wry and doleful Faces! Methought the poor anxious Parsons and eager Half-pay Officers among them was a pitiful Sight. Looked hard about for the Railway King, but Mr. Stagge did say in my Ear he was not likely to show his Face. The Secretary reading Bills to be brought into the Parliament to join other Railways with this, and all the while interrupted by the Shareholders with Noise and Outcries; but at last got through. Then the Chairman did propose that the Bills be approved of; but an Amendment moved with much Clapping of Hands that the Meeting do adjourn for one Month to examine the Company's Accounts; which they do say have been cooked. Upon this a long Speech from a Director, denying that it was so, and One made answer to him in a bouncing, ranting Harangue; but to hear how the Shareholders did shout and cheer whenever he accused the Board of a Piece of Roguery! He complained that Proxy Papers had been sent out by some for Votes, whereby to gain their own Ends, at £900 Expense to the Company; whereat more Uproar, in the midst whereof he moved another Amendment; when the Noise greater than ever, with Groans and calling for Dividends; and several in the Meeting strove to speak, but could only wag their Jaws and shake their Fists at the Chairman, and he imploring Quiet in Dumb Show. Howbeit, one old Gentleman got Attention for a Moment, and in great Wrath and Choler did declare that the Directors' Statement was all Humbug. Then Another, with much ado to get a Hearing, did move a third Amendment: and after that, more Wrangling and Jangling, until the only Man of any Brains I had yet heard, up and showed the folly of moving Amendment on Amendment. So the first and last Amendment withdrawn, and the second put to the Vote, and lost, and then the Chairman's Resolution put and lost also, and the Shareholders hooting and hissing, and shouting "Shame!" and crying that they could not understand the Question. So the Amendment and former Resolution both put over again, and both again lost; whereupon the Shareholders stark mad, and rushed in a Mob on the Platform, raving at the Chairman, who jumped up in his Chair, throwing his Arms abroad, and shrieking for Silence; till at last a Poll determined on to decide whether for Adjournment or not; and so the Meeting brought to an End in as great a Hurly-Burly as I ever heard; and a pretty Chairman methinks they have to keep Order, and brave Directors to cook their Accounts, and their Meetings do seem as confused as their Affairs; and thank my Stars, I have not sunk my Money in a Railway.

A PROSPECT OF YE THAMES ITS REGATTA

    Tuesday, July 10, 1849.

Sent my Vest to the Tailor's to be let out in the Back, and my Wife and every Body say I grow too stout, which do put me in mighty Pain lest I should lose my Shape; wherefore I have resolved to take a long Walk daily, for Exercise, to bring down my Fat. So begin this Day, and set out to walk to Barn-Elms, by the way of Hammersmith, on a brave melting Afternoon. I did muse at the Carriages and Omnibuses that passed me, crowded both inside and on the Roof, and the People upon them whooping and blowing Horns, as the British Public always do when they ride to see any Sport. At Hammersmith found what all this meant, everyone there hastening to the River, this being the first Day of the Thames Regatta, and the Suspension-Bridge thronged, and Festoons of Spectators on the Chains. Did go upon the Bridge, cost me 1/2d. toll, but would not have missed the Sight for 6d. or 1s.; for the Thames with Boats scattered all over it, their Flags fluttering, and their Crews shouting and laughing full of Fun and Glee, made a lively Picture; and also I was just in the Nick of Time to see a Race; four Boats of as many Oars darting under the Bridge at full Speed, while the Beholders cheered and halloaed with all their Might, and a Bell rung, and a Band of Musique upon the Bridge Pier did play "Love Not." Good Lack! how wrapped up the People did seem to be in the Race, and did now cry for Blue to go it; and then Red, and then Pink, and at last that Red had it, meaning the Colours of the Rowers, which indeed looked very smart and spruce. Over the Bridge, and, instead of to Barnes, down the River, along the Towing Path, which was also thronged with Folks running to and fro, all Eagerness and Bustle. So to Putney, and there the Multitude greatest both on the Bridge and the Shore, and Finch his Ground to the Water-Side quite a Fair, with Fat Ladies and Learned Pigs and Gilt Gingerbread; and his Tavern beset by Customers for Ale, and mighty good Ale it is. Here more Boat-Racing, with Firing of Cannon, Jollity, Shouting, Jangling of Street Pianos, and everywhere Tobacco-Smoke and the Popping of Ginger-Beer. Some fouling of Barges, but no worse Mishap, though I expected every moment that Somebody would be ducked. Methought how neat and dainty the light Wherries and Wager-Boats did look among the other Craft; but loth I should be to trust my Carcase in a Cockle-Shell, that sitting an Inch too much on one side would overthrow. Mighty pleasant also to behold on the Water the little Parties of Beauties, rowed by their Sweethearts, under Awnings to shade them from the Sun, and the Ripple on the Water, and the Smiles on their Faces, and to hear their Giggling, which was a pretty Noise. Afloat everywhere in their Boating-Trim I did note sundry of those young Sparks that do and think and talk of Nothing but pulling up the River, and live upon it almost, like Swans or Geese. But, however, that Boat-Racing is a true British Pastime, and so long as we pull together he will back us against all the World. "And talking of that," says he, "the Sport being ended, suppose we take a pull at some of Finch his Ale."

A RAYLWAY STATYON. SHOWYNGE YE TRAVELLERS REFRESHYNGE THEMSELVES

    Tuesday, July 31, 1849.

Prevailed upon by my Wife to carry her to Bath, as she said, to go see her Aunt Dorothy, but I know she looked more to the Pleasure of her Trip than any Thing else; nevertheless I do think it necessary Policy to keep in with her Aunt, who is an old Maid and hath a pretty Fortune; and to see what Court and Attention I pay her though I do not care 2d. about her! But am mightily troubled to know whether she hath sunk her Money in an Annuity, which makes me somewhat uneasy at the Charge of our Journey, for what with Fare, Cab-Hire, and Vails to Dorothy's Servants for their good Word, it did cost me altogether £6, 2s. 6d. To the Great Western Station in a Cab, by Reason of our Luggage; for my Wife must needs take so many Trunks and Bandboxes, as is always the Way with Women: or else we might have gone there for 2s. 6d. less in an Omnibus. Did take our places in the First Class notwithstanding the Expense, preferring both the Seats and the Company; and also because if any Necks or Limbs are broken I note it is generally in the Second and Third Classes. So we settled, and the Carriage-Doors slammed to, and the Bell rung, the Train with a Whistle off like a Shot, and in the Carriage with me and my Wife a mighty pretty Lady, a Frenchwoman, and I did begin to talk French with her, which my Wife do not well understand, and by and by did find the Air too much for her where she was sitting, and would come and take her Seat between us; I know, on Purpose. So fell a reading the Times, till One got in at Hanwell who seemed to be a Physician, and mighty pretty Discourse with him touching the Manner of treating Madmen and Lunatics, which is now by gentle Management, and is a great Improvement on the old Plan of Chains and the Whip. Also of the Foulness of London for Want of fit Drainage, and how it do breed Cholera and Typhus, as sure as rotten Cheese do Mites, and of the horrid Folly of making a great Gutter of the River. So to Swindon Station, where the Train do stop ten Minutes for Refreshment, and there my Wife hungry, and I too with a good Appetite, notwithstanding the Discourse about London Filth. So we out, and to the Refreshment-Room with a Crowd of Passengers, all pushing and jostling, and trampling on each other's Toes, striving which should get served first. With much Ado got a Basin of Soup for my Wife, and for myself a Veal and Ham Pie, and to see me looking at my Watch, and taking a Mouthful by Turns; and how I did gulp a Glass of Guinness his Stout! Before we had half finished, the Guard rang the Bell, and my Wife with a start did spill her Soup over her Dress, and was obliged to leave Half of it; and to think how ridiculous I looked, scampering back to the Train with my Meat-Pie in my Mouth! To run hurry-skurry at the Sound of the Bell, do seem only fit for a Gang of Workmen; and the Bustle of Railways do destroy all the Dignity of Travelling; but the World altogether is less grand, and do go faster than formerly. Off again, and to the End of our Journey, troubled at the Soup on my Wife's Dress, but thankful I had got my Change, and not left it behind me at the Swindon Station.

YE BRYTYSH GRANADIERS AMOUNTYNGE GUARD AT ST. JAMES HYS PALACE YARDE

    Wednesday, August 1, 1849.

Up mighty betimes, and after a four Miles' Walk, losing Weight like a Jockey, to the Palace Yard of St. James's Palace, to see the Soldiers mount Guard to guard the Queen, which they do every Morning whether she is there or no, and is a pretty pompous Ceremony. Found myself among as dirty shabby a Set of Fellows hanging about as I think I ever saw, with whom two or three with the Look of Gentlemen, and a pretty Sprinkling of Milliner-Girls and Nurse-Maids. Strange how all Women almost do run after Soldiers; which Mr. Pumpkyns do say is because Weakness do, by Instinct, seek the Protection of Courage; but I think is owing to nothing at all but the Bravery of a Red Coat. In a few Minutes more Riff-Raff pouring in; then a Noise without of drumming: and then just at 1/4 to 11, a Party of the Grenadier Guards marching in under the Clock-Tower, the Drums and Fifes in Front of them, and, at the Head of all, the Drum Major, twirling his Staff, strutted like a Pouter-Pigeon, as stately, almost, as ever I saw J. Bland. The Men at the Word of Command ground arms with a Clang, and stood at Ease in Lines, and together with the Spectators made a Square, with the Drums and Fifes at one End, and the Band at the other by the Clock-Tower, and a Post in the Middle, and around the Post, with the Colours, the Officers in full Figg, mighty trim; and Mr. Wagstaffe do tell me that the Guards have brave clothing Colonels. The Band did play while the Men that should relieve Guard were marching off; and I do muse why Soldiers are provided with so much Musique, and conclude it is to hinder them from thinking, and also in Battle to inflame their Minds without making them drunk. At five Minutes to the Hour comes the relieved Guard, and draws up ready to be marched away, and to see them backing for Room on the Crowd's Toes! Droll, also, to watch the Marshalman, in his grand Uniform and with his Staff of Office, going about to make Space and keep Order among the ragged Boys; and I remember how, in my Youth, I thought he was a General Officer. More Musique, in the Meanwhile, by the Band; the Band-Master, a rare plump Fellow, in goodly Condition, conducting, with a Clarionet for his Batoon. Suddenly the Musique cut short by the Drums and Fifes, the Word given, and the Men did fall in, and away to Barracks, a Grand March playing, and all the Tag-Rag at their Heels. But to see the Lieutenant, the Officer of the Day, set up the Colours on the Post, and touch his Cap and kiss his Sword to them, saluting them, which do seem a senseless Pantomime. Besides, the Flag, a most old and sorry one, blown into Tatters, which, in our long Peace, must have been done by the Breeze and not the Battle; but so left, with a Grenadier to guard it, sticking in the Post. Then the Officer did dismiss the Off Guard, and away to his Quarters for the Day. Methinks that mounting Guard at the Palace is a Service of little Danger or Hardship; but, good Lack! to think what Fire-eaters in Battle are the Dandy Officers of the Guards, and how their Men will follow them through thick and thin, and what Work those Fellows can do when called on, that play Soldiers about St. James's!

A PROSPECT OF A FASHYONABLE HABERDASHER HYS SHOPE

    Tuesday, August 7, 1849.

Finding Fault with my Wife, for that she do not use enough Exercise; whence her continual Headach, and Faddell, the 'Potticary his bill of £5. She replying that I would never take her out, I said I would, whenever she liked; whereupon, we agreed to go a Walk forthwith, and my Wife did propose Regent Street. So we thither, pleasing ourselves with observing the Passers-by and the Carriages, and the Streets blazing with fine Ladies and flaming Liveries. Going by Lindsey and Woolsey's, my Wife's Eye taken with a Scarf in the Window, and would stop to look at it with a Crowd of other Women gazing at the Finery, which Mr. Skitt do call Baits, and a Draper's Shop a Lady-Trap. Presently she recollected that she wanted a Collar; so we into the Shop, where some sixty or eighty Ladies sitting before the Counters, examining the Wares, busy as Blue-Bottle Flies at a Sugar-Cask. Behind the Counters the Shopmen and Assistants, showing off the Goods, and themselves also, with mighty dainty Airs, every one of them, almost, Narcissus his Image. One of these dapper young Sirs did help my Wife to her Collar, cost 3s. 6d.; when she thought she had better get another while about it, cost 3s. 6d. more. Then, says he, in his soft condoling Voice, "What is the next Article?" Hereupon, my Wife bethought her of lacking some Lace Cuffs, four Pair: cost 12s. "And now, Mem," says the young Fellow with a Simper, "allow me to show you a Love of a Robe, a Barège, Double Glacé, brocaded in the Flouncings, and reduced to Twenty-One-and-Six from Forty-Five." But she professed that she needed it not: whereat I was glad; when he did tell her he would do it at One-and-Four less: and she then saying that it was indeed a Bargain, which I find is a Woman's Word for anything cheap whether wanted or no, I let her have it: cost £1, 0s. 2d. But, to be sure, the Pattern was pretty, and my Wife being well-dressed do please my Taste, and also increase my Consequence and Dignity. The Robe bought, it comes into her Head that she could not do without a new Shawl to match it, blue and scarlet, cost £2, 2s., but will look mighty fine, and, I hope, last. Here I thought to hale her at once by Force away; but seeing a stout middle-aged Gentleman doing the very Thing, and how mean it looked, did forbear; and in the Meanwhile the Shopman did beg, as he said, to tempt her with a superior Assortment of Ribbons. She rummaging over this Frippery, I to gaze about the Shop, and with Fellow-Feeling did mark an unhappy small Boy, while his Mother was comparing some three-score different Pieces of Satin, perched on a Stool, out of Patience. My Wife would have 5s. worth of Ribbons, and here I hoped would make an End; but the Shopman did exhibit to her some Silk Stockings; and I telling her they were unnecessary, she declared that then she must wear Boots, which she knows I hate; and concluded with buying half a Dozen Pair, cost 24s.; and we away, bowed out of the Shop with Congees by the smirking Shopwalker, rubbing his Hands and grinning, as obsequious as could be; and so Home; I mighty serious, having laid out £5, 10s. 2d.; and the next Time I take out my Wife for a Walk, it shall be in the Fields and not in Regent Street.

REGENTE STRETE AT FOUR OF YE CLOCKE, P.M

    Thursday, August 16, 1849.

This Afternoon about Four of the Clock to Regent Street, and did walk up and down, among the fine Folk mostly, many Foreigners, and a few Street Urchins, and others of the lower Sort, and note the Carriages stand in Front of the Shops, and the Walking Advertisement Boys and Men, and the Cabs and Omnibuses go by, and the Advertising Vans, and mighty fine and droll the Monster Advertising Car of Moses and Son the Tailors. In the Evening to the Queen's House in the Haymarket, to hear Mozart his famous Opera "Le Nozze di Figaro" and Sontag in Susanna, which she do act mighty skittish, and with the prettiest sidelong Looks, but the most graceful and like a Lady, and do trip the Stage the daintiest and make the nicest Curtsies, and sing the sweetest that methinks I ever did hear or see: and to think that Mr. Vieuxboys should tell me she do it as well now as he did see her twenty Years ago! Pretty, to hear her sing "Venite inginocchiatevi," where she do make Cherubino kneel down on the Cushion before the Countess, and put him on a Girl's Cap, and pat his Chin and Face. Also her singing of "Sull' Aria" with Parodi, the Countess, and the mingling of their Voices very musicall. Likewise that jolly blooming she-Bacchus-Alboni, Cherubino, with her passionate fine singing of "Non so più" and "Voi che sapete," did delight me much; and she did play a stripling of a Page in Love to the very Life. Belletti did mightily take me with his Knaveries, in Figaro, and singing of "Non più andrai," which is a most lively and martial Song; and the Grand March very brave as well, and did make my Heart leap, and me almost jump out of my Seat. Colletti, too, the Count, did content me much, and to the utmost with "Crudel! perchè finora." But then to hear Lablache, what a great Thing he do make out of so small a Part as Bartolo, with his Voice in the Concert-Pieces heard above all the Rest, and thundering out "La Vendetta," like a musicall Stentor; and his undertaking of little Characters to make an Opera perfect is very magnanimous; and Mr. Wagstaffe do well say that he "Ingentes Animos ingenti in Pectore versat," and have as much Brains as Body. Mighty droll to hear the Quartett, with each Singer in turn holding the Voice on the word "Io," called for three Times, and the Singers each Time spinning "Io" out longer, whereat great Laughter; and the Performers laughing as much as the Audience. Wonderfull how still all the House was while Sontag was a singing of "Deh! vieni non tardar," and the Bravas and Clapping of Hands when she had ended; and to hear how she did stick to the Text, and not, like a vulgar silly Prima Donna, disfigure noble Musique by ridiculous Flourishes. Home to Supper, it being late, though, walking up the Haymarket, did sorely long for stewed Oysters. Telling my Wife of the Opera, did speak of Susanna boxing Figaro his Ears, and let out that I could have been glad to have her box mine too, which my Wife did say she could do as well if I pleased; but I said I had rather not, and so, whistling "Non più andrai," rather small to Bed.

BLACKWALL. SHOWYNGE YE PUBLICK A DINYNGE ON WHYTEBAIT

    Saturday, August 18, 1849.

Comes Mr. Gollope, this being his Birth-day, to bid me to go dine with him and a Company of some Half-dozen of our Acquaintance, off Whitebait at Blackwall. So we first to London Bridge, on Foot, walking for an Appetite, and there took Water, and down the River in a Steam-Boat, with great Pleasure, enjoying the Breeze, and the View of the Shipping, and also the Prospect of a good Dinner. Landed at the Pier, and as fast as we could to Lovegrove's, where our Table engaged in the large Room. But good Lack! to see the Fulness of the Place, every Table almost crowded with eager Eaters, the Heaps of Whitebait among them, and they with open Mouths and Eyes shovelling Spoonful after Spoonful into their Plates and thence thrusting them five or six at a Time into their Chaps. Then, here and there, a fat Fellow, stopping, out of Breath, to put down his Knife and Fork, and gulp a Goblet of iced Punch, was mighty droll; also to hear others speaking with their Mouths full. But Dinner coming, I cared not to look about me, there being on Table some dozen different Dishes of Fish, whereof the Sight did at first bewilder me, like the Donkey between the Haystacks, not knowing which to choose; and Mr. Goblestone do lament that at a Feast with Plenty of good Things he never was able to eat his Fill of every one. A Dish of Salmon with India-Pickle did please me mightily, also some Eels, spitchcocked, and a stewed Carp, and ate heartily of them with much Relish; but did only nibble at the Rest by way of a Taste, for I felt exceeding full, and methought I should have no Stomach for the Whitebait. But Lack! to see when it came, how my Appetite returned, and I did fall to upon it, and drink iced Punch, and then at the Whitebait again. Pretty, the little Slices of brown Bread and Butter, they did bring us to eat it withal, and truly, with a Squeeze of Lemon and Cayenne Pepper, it is delicate Eating. After the Whitebait plain, Whitebait devilled made us to eat the more, and drink too, which we did in Champagne and Hock, pledging each other with great Mirth. After the Fish comes a Course of Ducks, and a Haunch of Mutton, and divers made Dishes; and then Tarts and Custards and Grouse; and lastly, a Dessert, and I did partake of all, as much as I had a Mind to, and after Dinner drank Port and Claret, when much Joking and rare Stories, and very merry we were. Pretty to look out of Window as we sat, at the Craft and the White Sails in the Sunset on the River. Back in a Railway Carriage, shouting and singing, and in a Cab Home, where Dr. Sharpe called to see my Wife for her Vapours. Pretty Discourse with him touching the Epidemic, he telling me that of all Things to bring it on the likeliest was Excess in Food and Drink, which did trouble me, and so with a Draught of Soda and a Dose of Pills to Bed.

YE SPORT OF PUNTE FYSHYNGE OFF RYCHMONDE

    Wednesday, August 22, 1849.

This Day to Richmond, to go a Fishing on the River, and with me Mr. Itchenbrooke, out of Hampshire, a cunning Angler, who did mightily desire to see what this Sport should be. So first we out in a Boat below Richmond Bridge, where a Dozen or more of Punts full of People a Fishing, and rowed among them to observe the Manner of doing it, which is sinking with a Gentle, sitting upon Chairs, and smoking Cigars and Pipes of Tobacco, and drinking cold Brandy and Water. We did note one young Spark lying at full Length, in a Punt's End, asleep, and did conclude he had had enough of the Fishing, or else of the Grog. Some very silent, and bent on their Sport, but others bandying Fun and Jokes, and shouting for Joy and Merriment whenever they caught a Fish, which Mr. Itchenbrooke do say is not the Wont of a Sportsman. Among the Fishers I did note with Wonder one or two Damsels; but Mr. Wagstaffe do say it is a common Thing for Ladies to fish for Gudgeons. Several of them also quite old Men; but seeming as much taken up with their Fishing as Schoolboys, though catching Nothing but little Fish not a Span long. So, satisfied with looking at the Sportsmen, we to try the Quality of the Sport ourselves, and did hire a Punt, and Fishing Tackle, and a Man to guide the Punt, and bait our Hooks, and did take on board a Stone-Bottle of Half-and-Half Beer, to follow the Fashion. Pretty, to see our Man sound the Depth of the River with a Plumb, to resolve whereabouts on our Lines to place the Float, and glad to have him to put the Bait on, being Gentles, which I was loath to touch. Our Hooks no sooner dropped into the Water than Mr. Itchenbrooke did pull up a Fish about the Bigness of a Sprat, though, but for the Punt-Man, he would have thrown it in again, saying that he never heard of keeping any Fish under Half-a-Pound, and that while such small Fry were killed there would be no good Fish in the River. But Lack! to see how my Float did bob up and down, and I jerk at my Line, but generally bring up a Weed. Did marvel at the Punt-Man flinging Lumps of Earth and Meal into the Water to entice the Fish, which methought would either have driven them away or surfeited them, but did not, and the Trick did much divert Mr. Itchenbrooke. We did catch Roach and Dace to the Number of fifteen, which my Companion did call seven Brace-and-a-Half; and I caught the Half: I mean the Half Brace. Our Fishing did last two Hours, cost 3s., and 6d. besides for the Beer, but we had much mirth for our Time and Money, though little Fish, and yet more Fish than some our Man did show us, saying they had been at it all the Day. So to Dinner at the Star and Garter, where a most brave Dinner and excellent Wine, and pretty Discourse with Mr. Itchenbrooke of true Sport in Fishing and the Art of Whipping for Trout with an Imitation Fly, made out of coloured Silk Thread and Birds' Feathers. Our Dinner ended, cost me £1, 9s. 0d., went and bought 6d. worth of Maids of Honour at the Pastrycook's, and did take them Home to my Wife.

TRYCKS OF YE LONDON TRADE

    Tuesday, September 4, 1849.

With my Wife this Day to Westminster, and walking thereabouts in Regent-Street and Oxford-Street, and the principal Streets, though contrary to my Resolution to walk with her only in the Fields, but did it to please her, and keep her in good Humour, but in mighty Fear of what it might cost me, trembling to observe her continually looking askance at the Shop-Windows. But I cannot wonder that they did catch her Eye; particularly the Haberdashers, and Drapers, and Mercers, whereof many were full of Bills, stuck in all Manner of Ways across the Panes, and printed in Letters of from two Inches to a Span long, and staring Dashes of Admiration two and three together. In one Window posted a "Tremendous Sacrifice!" in another an "Alarming Failure!!" in a third a "Ruinous Bankruptcy!!!", by reason whereof, the Goods within were a-selling off at 50, 60, or 70 per Cent. under prime Cost, but at any Rate the Owners must raise Money. Good Lack! to think of the dreadful Pass the Drapery Trade must have come to; so many Master-Mercers and Haberdashers on the Threshold of the Prison or the Workhouse, and their Wives and Families becoming Paupers on the Parish, or Beggars, and their People out of Employ starving; if their notices do tell true. But my Wife did say, very serious, that we were not to judge, or to know of their Tricks and Cozenage, and, that it was no Matter to us if they did cheat their Creditors, provided we could buy their Wares at a Bargain, and besides, if we did not, others would. So going by Ragge, Rip & Co., their Establishment, as they do call their Shop, she would needs stop in Front of it to look in; which did trouble me. I to read the Posters in the Window, which were the worst and most pitiful of any, and by their showing Mr. Ragge and Mr. Rip, and their Co. were going altogether to the Dogs. My Wife did presently, as I expected, find somewhat she had a Mind to: a Muslin she did say was Dirt-cheap, and I knew was Dirt-worth. I plainly refused to let her buy it, or anything else at Ragge and Rip's, who have been, to my knowledge, making a Tremendous Sacrifice any Time the last two Years; but the Simpletons their Customers the only Victims. But I pity not a Whit such Gudgeons as are caught by these Tricks of the Drapery Trade; rightly served by being cheated in seeking to profit, as they think, by Fraud and dishonest Bankruptcy. I told my Wife that Ragge and Rip do sell off at a Loss to none but those that deal with them, and were like at that Moment, instead of being Bankrupts, to be making merry at the Expense of their Dupes. But she being sullen at my Denial of her Muslin, I did quiet her by the Promise of a better Piece at Faircloth and Pryce's, who do carry on Business without rogueish Puffery, and after the old Fashion of English Traders, according to the Maxim, that "Good Wine needs no Bush," which my Wife, poor silly Wretch, not understanding, I explained to her did mean, that stuffs worth the buying, to find a Sale, do stand in no need of Haberdashers' trickish Advertisements.

MADAME TUSSAUD HER WAX WERKES. YE CHAMBER OF HORRORS!!

    Wednesday, September 5, 1849.

To please my Wife, did take her this Evening to Madame Tussaud her Wax Works; a grand large Room, with Gilding, lighted up very splendid: cost 2s., and a Catalogue 6d. The Wax Figures showy: but with their painted Cheeks and glassy Eyes – especially such as nod and move – do look like Life in Death. The Dresses very handsome, and I think correct; and the Sight of so many People of Note in the Array of their Time, did much delight me. Among the Company Numbers of Country Folk, and to see how they did stare at the Effigies of the Queen, and the Prince, and the Duke of Wellington, and the King of the Belgians, and the Princess Charlotte that was, and George the Fourth in his Coronation Robes, grand as a Peacock! The Catalogue do say that his Chair is the very one wherein he sat in the Abbey; but it look like a Play-House Property, and little thought the King where it would come down to figure! A Crowd of Dames gazing at the Group of the Royal Family, calling the Children "Dears" and "Ducks," and would, I verily believe, have liked to kiss their Wax Chaps. My Wife feasted her Eyes on the little Princes and Princesses, I mine upon a pretty, modest, black Maid beside me, and she hers on me, till my Wife spying us, did pinch me with her Nails in the Arm. Pretty, to see the Sovereign Allies in the last War, and bluff old Blucher, and Bonaparte and his Officers, in brave Postures, but stiff. Also the two King Charleses, and Oliver, together; Charles the First protesting against his Death-Warrant, and his Son Backing him; and Cardinal Wolsey looking on. Lord Byron in the Dress of a Greek Pirate, looking Daggers and Pistols, close to John Wesley preaching a Sermon; and methought, if all Madame Tussaud's Figures were their Originals instead, what Ado there would be! Many of the Faces that I knew very like; and my Lord Brougham I did know directly, and Liston in Paul Pry. But strange, among the Kings to see him that was the Railway King; and methinks that it were as well now if he were melted up. Thence to the Napoleon Rooms, where Bonaparte's Coach, and one of his Teeth, and other Reliques and Gimcracks of his, well enough to see for such as care about him a Button. Then to the Chamber of Horrors, which my Wife did long to see most of all; cost, with the Napoleon Rooms, 1s. more; a Room like a Dungeon, where the Head of Robespierre, and other Scoundrels of the great French Revolution, in Wax, as though just cut off, horrid ghastly, and Plaster Casts of Fellows that have been hanged: but the chief attraction a Sort of Dock, wherein all the notorious Murderers of late Years; the foremost of all, Rush, according to the Bill, taken from Life at Norwich, which, seeing he was hanged there, is an odd Phrase. Methinks it is of ill Consequence that there should be a Murderers' Corner, wherein a Villain may look to have his Figure put more certainly than a Poet can to a Statue in the Abbey. So away again to the large Room, to look at Jenny Lind instead of Greenacre, and at 10 of the Clock Home, and so to Bed, my Wife declaring she should dream of the Chamber of Horrors.

DEERE STALKYNGE IN YE HYGHLANDES

    Monday, September 17, 1849.

Comes Mr. Gollope, and Mr. Goblestone, and Jenkyns, to dine with me off a Haunch of Venison, and Mr. Mc. Nab calling, I did make him stay Dinner too, and the Venison very fat and good; and Mr. Gollope did commend my Carving, whereof I was proud. Between them a Debate over our Dinner, as to whether the Red Deer or the Fallow Deer were the better Venison, and both Mr. Gollope and Mr. Goblestone do say the Fallow, but Mr. Mc. Nab will have it that the Red is by far the better, and do tell them they know nothing about the Matter, and never tasted Red Deer but such as had been mewed up in Richmond Park, which are mighty different from them that do browse in the Highlands on the Heather. He do say that Highland Deer-Stalking do excel every other Sport, from Tiger-Hunting to Fox-Hunting, which I mean to repeat to Mr. Corduroys to make him mad. Then he to describe the Manner of Stalking the Deer, and his Account thereof mighty taking, but, with his broad Scottish Accent and Phrases, droll; and good Lack, to hear him talk of Braes, and Burns, and Cairns, and Corries, rattling the R in every Word! He says that the Deer are the cunningest and the watchfullest, and can see, and hear, and smell at the greatest Distance of any Creature almost living, and do keep Spies to look out, and their Ears and Eyes always open and their Noses to the Wind, and do think and reason in their Minds like human Beings; which, methinks, is peculiar to the Scotch Deer. He says that the Sport is to fetch a Compass on them by Stratagem, so as to approach or drive them nigh enough to shoot them with a Rifle, and it do often take some Hours and several Miles, mostly crawling on the Hands and Knees, to get one Shot. He says that the Stalker and Hill-Keepers that wait on him must, to gain their Chance, dodge, stooping behind Crags, wriggle and creep over Flats and up Brooks like Snakes or Eels, clamber up and run down Precipices, and stride over Bogs, wherein they do sometimes sink plump up to the Middle; which should be rather Sport to the Stag than the Huntsman. But after all, the Deer shot dead, or wounded, and at Bay with the Hounds at his Throat, but despatched at last, and paunched, which he do call "gralloched," is such a Triumph that it do repay the Sportsman for all his Pains. He do say that what with the Grandeur of the Mountains, and the Freshness of the Air, the Spirits are raised beyond what we could imagine, and the Appetite also increased wonderfully; whereat Mr. Gollope did prick up his Ears. To conclude, he did declare that no one could know what Deer-Stalking was that had not tried it; but methinks I can, remembering how I used in my Youth to creep in Ditches and behind Hedges to shoot Larks.

A PROSPECT OF AN ELECTION

    Thursday, September 27, 1849.

Up, and by Railway with Mr. Wagstaffe to Guzzleford to my Cosin Peg her Wedding, and heard the Bells a ringing at 9 o'clock, the Marriage not to be till 11, but found they were rung for an Election; 'Squire Callow and Mr. Fairport standing for County Members in the Room of Mr. Brownjohn. So, the Wedding over, we about the Town to see the Fun. A Fellow the worse for Beer demanding whose Colours we wore, meaning our Wedding-Favours, Mr. Wagstaffe did pleasantly answer, Hymen's, whereupon the Fellow, crying "Callow for ever!" did rush full at us, but, we parting, slip between us and tumble headlong into the Mud. Good Lack! to see what Numbers of Ragamuffins everywhere with their Hats awry, Noses bleeding, or Eyes blacked, staggering under huge Placard Boards, whereon, in great Letters, "Callow and Agriculture," or, "Vote for Fairport and Commerce!" The Windows and Balconies full of Ladies, some pretty, to whom in my Wife's Absence I did kiss my Hand. But to think of the Ladies wearing the Colours of the Candidates, Blue and Yellow, but only for an Excuse to deck themselves out with Ribbons! In the Streets, Horsemen galloping to and fro, to tell the State of the Polls, and the Mob cheering and bantering them, mighty droll. 'Squire Callow did put up at the Barley-Mow, and Mr. Fairport at the Rising Sun, and between the two Inns, with a few plump rosy Farmers in Top-Boots, was a noisy Rabble, quarrelling and fighting, with Skins unwashed, and unshorn Muzzles, whom the Candidates' Committee-Men, speaking to them from the Windows, did call Free and Independent Electors. To some that harangued them, the Mob did cry, "Go Home," and "Who cheated his Washerwoman?" or, "How about the Workhouse Beef?" yet listened to a few that were familiar and cracked old Jokes with them. Presently they addressed by the Candidates in Turn; and nasty to see them pelt each Speaker with stale Eggs. But to hear, as well as might be for the Shouting and Hissing, 'Squire Callow promising the Farmers to restore the Corn Laws, and laying the Potato Blight and late Sickness to Free Trade; while Mr. Fairport did as loudly charge all the Woes and Grievances of the Country on the Landlords. By-and-by, Mr. Fairport, the Poll going so much against him, did give in, and then 'Squire Callow come forward, and make a brave Speech about our Glorious Institutions and the British Lion, and so away to have his Election declared, to the Town Hall, in a Carriage and Four, and the Rabblement after him. Then they left behind did set to on both Sides to fling Stones, and 'Squire Callow's Mob did break the Windows of the Rising Sun, and Mr. Fairport's the Windows of the Barley-Mow; which the Townsmen did say would be good for the Glaziers, and Mr. Wagstaffe do observe that the Conservative 'Squire Callow hath destructive Constituents. What with Publicans, and Lawyers, and Damage, the Election will cost the Candidates £6000 or £7000 a-Piece, and to think what a good Motive one must have to become a Parliament-Man, that will spend so much Money for the Chance of a Seat.

A PARTIE OF SPORTSMEN OUT A SHUTYNGE

    Monday, October 1, 1849.