The Life She Wants

He shook his head.

“Doesn’t that just figure?”

“What are you saying?” he asked her.

“Well, my half sister and stepsister, Drizella and Anastasia, couldn’t wait to bring me the news that my best friend was pregnant and planning to marry my boyfriend, but they never mentioned the happy couple didn’t stay together. I found out later, of course, but not while I was hurting over it. Because, hey, that might’ve made me actually feel less...” She stopped herself. “In fact, those few times we talked, you didn’t mention they weren’t a couple.”

“I tried not to mention Riley and Jock at all,” he said. “They were on and off for a little while. Maybe that’s not accurate, either—they weren’t together. They tried to create an amicable relationship for Maddie’s sake, but they never even lived together. In fact, I think I’d need a chart and a graph to understand where Maddie came from because Riley and Jock were like oil and water. But I don’t want Maddie to think badly of either of them. Well, let me be honest, I wouldn’t be devastated to learn she thinks a little badly of Jock. He pissed me off. He got my sister pregnant and didn’t exactly step up to the plate. He was pretty useless back then, but he was just a kid. And he is her father. I’d rather we all get along. And I don’t want Maddie blindsided by a lot of nasty gossip.”

“I won’t be saying anything, Adam. I’d prefer to forget it ever happened,” Emma said. “At the time, it was awful.”

“I think it’s safe to say a lot of people were hurt.”

“You’re in luck. If anyone remembers me they will have much juicier stuff than my best friend and boyfriend getting together while I was away at school sixteen years ago. All the same, Riley and Jock should explain it to her before anyone else does.”

“Of course. The minute she’s capable of understanding at least a little bit. I’m kind of an expert on teenagers. Girls Maddie’s age are filled with a kind of tragic drama and fatalism that can easily cast them in a dark place. I’ve watched it. We’ve had our challenges as a family and it hasn’t always been easy, but one thing we did manage. We managed to make sure Maddie never felt like a mistake. She always felt loved and wanted. I think.”

“It never came up?” Emma asked. “Didn’t anyone ask how Riley ended up having Jock’s baby when he was supposed to be my boyfriend?”

“I only recall once or twice. Riley said you and Jock had broken up when you went away to school, which was at least partially true. It’s been a long time—I just want to be sure Maddie always feels secure.”

How lucky, Emma thought. Since she was just a kid she had known two things about the Kerrigan family. They had very obvious struggles; life for them had never been easy. But they had enough familial loyalty and love to glue them together. Emma had always envied that because she’d never had it.

Emma’s problems began long before she lost her boyfriend to her best friend.

* * *

Emma was a bit too young to understand her placement in the family when her father married Rosemary Caliban, but it didn’t take her long to instinctively know she was only loved by her father, and her father was a lonely, unhappy, broken man.

His wife gone, John Shay married someone who appeared, on the surface, to be a good match. A woman who was willing to help raise Emma. But Rosemary was a stern woman with a mean side and a streak of jealousy a mile wide. She brought a daughter to the marriage, produced a second and clearly preferred both of them to Emma. Once Emma was an adult and could look back on it she supposed it didn’t help that people often remarked on how pretty she was. And her daddy couldn’t stop himself from commenting on how much she resembled her late mother, with her chestnut hair and large dark eyes. Rosemary undoubtedly despised hearing that, and who wouldn’t?

Emma remembered Rosemary doing subtle things to show her favoritism. She’d fold Anna’s and Lauren’s clothes and toss Emma’s on the bed, took her two girls shopping and to lunch while Emma was with Riley, never inviting her. Emma even suspected the gifts she got at Christmas were of lesser value and almost never fit. Rosemary would help her daughters with the kitchen cleanup when it was their turn but Emma was left on her own. When John Shay stepped in to help Emma, she knew he had noticed and that made her feel worse, not better. When her father died it was the Kerrigan family that comforted her more than her own. It was obvious Rosemary didn’t miss John much.

It wasn’t long before a man moved in—her new stepfather, Vince Kingston. Vince wasn’t gentle and sweet like her father had been. He was a crass idiot who made crude and suggestive remarks to his new stepdaughters, but Rosemary just ignored him. Emma gave him a wide berth, as did Anna and Lauren. Emma wasn’t quite sure where she belonged. Or if she belonged anywhere at all.

That was always an issue with her, that she had no real family. This seemed especially important during her high school years, and when her father died...it seemed hopeless. She felt so self-conscious, as if everyone at school knew she was basically an orphan. And who was there for her through the confusion and sadness? Riley, Adam, their mother, June, and Riley’s grandparents. They were the family she always longed for.

It was like Adam was always watching over them all.

* * *

On her second glass of wine, fortified with a little cheese and fruit, she asked him about his grandparents. She knew they had passed away, but hadn’t heard until they’d been gone awhile.

“Well, Grandpa died when I was twenty-two. He wasn’t sick long. Cancer took him quickly. Gram just went along, died in her sleep a year later. I was twenty-three and had just finished my teaching degree. My grandparents left the house to Mom, of course. It took me five more years to move out, get my own place. Riley and Maddie took a little longer and for the life of me I’m not sure why they even bothered—they’re at Mom’s all the time.” He laughed. “But then, so am I. I check on her a lot. I do the guy chores around the house and try to take her out to dinner regularly. I hate her always cooking for all of us, even though she loves to cook. She volunteers with a bunch of church ladies, taking meals to the elderly and infirm.”

Emma looked down. “I missed your family. Your mother most of all. I think she was more family to me than Rosemary ever was.”

“And she misses you. You know, it wouldn’t look like you’re giving in to stop by the house and say hello. There’s no commitment involved. It might be time to rethink this feud.”

She laughed uncomfortably. “You don’t understand. I’m not angry anymore. It’s just... We can’t be friends again, Adam.”

“Who? Me and you?”

“Oh, I like the idea of being your friend,” she said with a little laugh. “Especially since you know these nifty little hideaways where you can have wine under the stars. But I can’t have you trying to work things out between me and Riley. We’re done.”

He gave her a steady, half-amused look. “Really, Emmie Cat? After all you’ve gone through in the past few years, you’re worried about friendship with Riley?”

“We wouldn’t trust each other anyway...”

He laughed. “It’s been over fifteen years. You don’t have to trust her. Who cares if you trust her? You don’t even have to like her. But when you think about things, you’ll figure out she was never your enemy.”

“She wasn’t exactly my friend!”

“If she’d been a better friend, maybe you could’ve married Jock. I’m sure that would’ve been great.”

“Compared to who I did marry? Might’ve been, yeah! At least it wouldn’t have been Richard. But determined to have a better life than the one I left behind, I—” She paused for a moment. “All right, all right,” she said. “Don’t think I haven’t looked at it from that angle. But please, don’t get ideas about reuniting us.”

He put up his hands, palms toward her. “Heaven help me.” He took a sip of his wine. “The truth? I wish the two of you could make amends. You were always stronger together than apart. I refuse to believe you still mourn the loss of Jock. It just seems that now, after everything, staying mad at my sister wouldn’t be very high on your list of priorities.”

After what she’d been through with Richard, there was a part of her that wished she’d married Jock, let him ruin her life, that she’d never left California, never met Richard. She shook her head. “That’s certainly true—my priorities are completely different now. And I don’t really think of our situation as a feud. I’m sure if we ran into each other we’d be perfectly cordial. Even friendly. But the days of slumber parties are over. I have to get on my feet. I didn’t think I’d start off with a great job, but I thought I’d get a decent job, even after not working for nine years. I have a degree. With my experience, I could make a damn good concierge or event planner. Turns out that even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I also have a shady past by association. Even though I wasn’t arrested, people don’t trust me. They’re afraid I was his partner in crime. After all, he had several employees who rolled over on him, took deals to testify. People suspect me, think I didn’t testify because I was protecting him. I didn’t testify because I had nothing relevant to say. Let that be a lesson to you, Adam. Don’t hang around with felons. Sitting in the courtroom while they’re being tried might help them, but it won’t do much for you.”

“Why’d you come back, Emmie?” he asked. “I thought you’d disappear and we’d never see you again.”

“I had nowhere to go,” she said. “Oh, I thought about going somewhere I could be unknown but you know what? Someone’s going to figure me out eventually and then it’ll only be worse. I will have added deception to suspicion. Besides, my credentials are in my name! And I couldn’t stay back there. I was a leper. Not only couldn’t I even get a job with McBurger back east, there were also hostile people who wanted revenge on me just for being associated with Richard. I was in hiding for months. Around here I’ve found some resistance, but I did manage to get a job. A small job, but a job. Maybe when people see I’m a hard worker, it’ll ease up. I’m a little afraid to think about how long that might take.” She took a sip of her wine. “I have to admit, I didn’t think it would be this hard. Have you ever tried to make it on minimum wage?”

He just gave her a wan smile. Of course he had. When they’d moved to town, June had worked two jobs—cleaning houses and waitressing. She worked all the time. Emma remembered when June soaked her feet at the end of a long day, so sore, so weary. And that after just losing her husband.

“How’d you end up with Richard Compton?” he asked.

“Oh, the usual way. I met him when I was out with friends. In a restaurant. I was in the bar with my girlfriends and he was having dinner with clients. We had a nice conversation. He was clearly interested, which was flattering. He asked for my number and I wouldn’t give it to him. I took his business card but he intimidated me, so I didn’t plan to call him. A few weeks later he showed up in the store where I worked—he’d been back at that restaurant and one of my friends told him where I worked. I made him work really hard for a date, but honestly? I was completely smitten. Richard was very handsome, very classy. So charming. You don’t weasel people out of a hundred million dollars by being an asshole. He could charm the pants off anyone.

“I didn’t know how rich my husband was when I married him. I mean, I knew he was successful and lived well, but I didn’t know much more than that. I certainly didn’t know he was getting rich illegally. Had I known, do you think I could have stayed with him? But it’s not like I ever saw a tax return. I didn’t have a key to a safe-deposit box or anything. I didn’t know there was a safe in his study. I guess because there was another larger and visible safe, the police never expected it, either. It was hidden behind a bookcase. Richard was not what you’d call transparent.”

Adam frowned. “Didn’t you sign the tax return?”

She shook her head. “We filed separate returns—Richard took care of it. There was a prenup, a generous prenup that would settle me with more money than I’d ever know what to do with. Of course I came to understand about his wealth, that he could afford almost anything. He never questioned what I needed.”

In vitro, Emma? What the hell. Knock yourself out.

But, Richard, you’ll have to have a few tests...

No problem. I’ll schedule us with the best doctor in the city.

“This is a whole new world,” she said. “No one is going to pity me, learning how to live on two hundred a week after nine years with a Manhattan apartment and a vacation home in the islands. But... Well. Once I get a second job or a decent first job, things should be easier.”

Adam smiled at her. “I’ll keep my eyes open,” he promised. “If you find something around here and need a strong letter of recommendation...”

“You’re going to say you’re pretty sure I’m not a bad person?” she asked.