What We Left Behind

I kept my shoulders even and my smile in place so she couldn’t tell, but I was pretty sure that was the most nervous I’d ever been in my whole life.

TONI

I was pretty sure I was hallucinating.

Beautiful blond straight girls you’ve never seen before don’t just come up to you at your Homecoming dance and start disco dancing with you out of nowhere. Not in normal life.

Of all the things that had happened to me lately, this was by far the strangest. And maybe the best.

It took me a second to realize the girl was mirroring me, doing the same weird feet-shuffling and arm-waving moves I was doing. I dialed it up and added in some swaying from side to side. The blond girl grinned and did the same.

The song changed again, but we didn’t stop moving. It was the first time I’d ever had fun dancing.

The girl leaned in toward me. I have a thing about personal space, so normally that would’ve made me back away. But I didn’t want to back away from this girl. She moved her lips toward my ear so I could hear her over the music. The proximity made my face flush again.

“I’m Gretchen,” the girl said.

Gretchen. It was such a gorgeous name.

“Toni,” I said.

Gretchen shook her head. She couldn’t hear me. I had to lean in to her ear, too. I blushed to the roots of my hair.

“I’m Toni.” I tried desperately to think of something to say that would make me sound cool. “Nice shoes.”

Gretchen laughed. Her whole face opened up when she laughed. Dear lord.

My heart was racing. I did not have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with this.

Gretchen pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, looked down at me and smiled again.

Yeeeeaaahhhhh. I was going to be dead before the song was over.

GRETCHEN

Did she like me?

It seemed like maybe she liked me.

That was a flirty thing to say, wasn’t it? “Nice shoes,” all casual like that? When I wasn’t wearing shoes at all? Ha ha.

Also, she kept, like, staring at me. In a cute way, not a creepy way.

It didn’t matter, though. She already had a girlfriend. The little ninny in the poufy blue dress. A pox on the poufy ninny, I wanted to say.

Still, I felt like touching Toni. Nothing dramatic, I mean. Maybe I could just accidentally brush up against her shoulder. Or maybe a piece of her spiky red hair would fall down into her eyes and I could brush it away. Yeah, that would be perfect.

I waited, but none of her hair fell down. It was packed pretty solid with gel. Plus, most of her hair was tucked under her top hat.

Maybe the music would switch to a slow song, and I could put my hand on her waist. Or loop my arms around her neck. Yeah, that. The neck thing.

Except you weren’t supposed to do that to someone else’s girlfriend. Darn it all to heck.

Maybe Toni and I could be friends. I needed friends at my new school.

Except I didn’t want to be friends with her. Not just friends anyway.

She leaned into my ear again. I got the same thrill I’d gotten when she’d done that before. “Are you new here?” she asked.

I nodded. “I’m from New York.”

She opened her eyes wide, like she was impressed, and smiled. I smiled back.

She moved in again. “So. Would you rather run for president or go to Mars?”

I laughed. It was such a random question. “Mars.”

“How come?”

“Because then at least you get to do something no one’s ever done before. Go exploring. Learn new things. Being president just means you have to try to fix a bunch of stuff no one’s been able to figure out how to fix yet.”

I had to lean close to her for a long time to say all that. By the time I pulled back, I was blushing as hard as she was.

“What about you?” I asked.

“President,” she said. “Just because no one’s figured out how to fix it yet doesn’t mean no one ever can.”

I nodded. If anyone could fix the world’s problems, it just might be this girl with the red hair and the top hat.

I smiled at her.

The music switched to a slow song.

TONI

I put my hand on her waist.

So she was probably straight. Whatever. Screw it. She could take my hand off her waist if she wanted to.

She didn’t take my hand off her waist.

GRETCHEN

My heart was pounding so fast.

I had exchanged, like, three sentences with this girl, but somehow, I felt like I’d known her forever.

My hands were trembling, but I linked them behind her neck and stepped in closer. I was a couple of inches taller, so I looked down into her eyes and smiled again.