Bad Girls Good Women

And yet, in spite of everything, Julia missed her.

I’ll come back, she promised. When I’ve got something worth showing you. You can be proud of me then, if you like. The words sounded grand in her head and she offered them to her mother in expiation.

Vernon was different. Julia had been afraid of her father, or of his slow-burning, malevolent temper. Betty was afraid of him too, she thought. She remembered how her mother cooked his tea, watching the clock all the time so that the food would be ready at exactly half past five. They ate their meal in silence while Vernon read the newspaper and Betty watched his plate, and the clock ticked far too loudly.

Julia didn’t miss Vernon at all.

The sun and her comfortable chair were making her feel drowsy. Her thoughts turned from her own home to Mattie’s. When she had first met her, years ago, Mattie had asked her home to tea. Julia had never ventured on to the estate before. The vast expanse of it startled her. There were thousands of houses, all the same, looking as if they had been dropped from the sky in endless lines. There were no trees to suggest that anything had existed there before the houses came, no corner shops to break the monotony. Mattie’s street was identical to all the others, but her house looked more neglected. The sooty patch of front garden was cluttered with junk and rusty bits of machinery.

Mattie flung the door open. ‘You’d better come in. Don’t take any notice of anything,’ she added, with an odd fierceness.

Julia couldn’t have avoided noticing the noise, and the smell of frying onions. There seemed to be children squirming everywhere, Mattie’s four smaller brother and sisters. Mattie picked the baby up and flung her in the air until she hiccupped with delight. In the kitchen Mattie’s eldest sister was standing at the stove. Mattie didn’t ask, but Rozzie announced, ‘He’s out.’

Mattie’s anxious fierceness disappeared at once. ‘Make yourself at home,’ she said hospitably.

Julia looked round. Every surface in the room was piled up with broken toys and dirty clothes and open packets of food. She had a brief vision of her mother’s kitchen where every jar had its place and the floor was rinsed down every day with a solution of bleach.

‘Where’s your mum?’ she asked. As soon as she had said it she knew that it was tactless. But Betty was such a fixture in Fairmile Road, with her dusters and her sewing and the Light Programme on the wireless, it was hard to understand the absence of a similar figure for Mattie.

‘She’s in the hospital,’ Mattie told her expressionlessly. ‘She’s given up.’ She waved her hand at the mess as she spoke, so that Julia might have thought that it was just tidiness Mrs Banner had given up on.

‘It’s ready,’ Rozzie announced.

They took their places at the table. Mattie hoisted the baby on to her lap and fed her with spoonfuls from her own plate. The children ate ravenously, and in between mouthfuls they asked Julia dozens of inquisitive questions. Mattie made up silly names for the teachers and the other girls at their school, and Julia turned them into impromptu rhymes. Everyone laughed uproariously. The atmosphere in the steamy room was cheerful, in spite of the mess and the variety of smells. The liver and onions tasted good, and the small portions were helped by piles of potatoes.

It was different from everything Julia knew about.

‘I liked it at your house,’ she said afterwards, and Mattie beamed at her, surprised and pleased. That first afternoon made a bond between the two girls that grew steadily stronger. When Mrs Banner died a year later, Mattie turned to Julia for comfort, and it was Mattie who reinforced Julia in her depressing battles with her parents.

But she never told me about her father, Julia thought.

Not until this week.

If it had been wrong to leave Betty so abruptly, it was unquestionably right to have come away with Mattie. Julia felt a sharp pull of love and sympathy and admiration for her. That, at least, was right.

And now they were here, and there would be no going back.

Together they would make it.

Sitting in her deckchair, frowning a little, Julia fell asleep.

‘I’m half dead,’ Mattie complained.

‘You’ll revive. It’s Saturday night.’

‘Easy for you to say, when you’ve been snoring all afternoon in the park.’

Julia met Mattie outside the shop at closing time. ‘I’ve sold fourteen pairs of shoes. The supervisor says I’ll get a bonus. There’s a perfect pair of black stilettos, you’ll love them. Shall I put them in the back for you?’

‘Don’t try and sell me your shoes, kid. I don’t need ’em.’

They laughed, and Julia put her arm through Mattie’s.

‘So how much have we got?’

With Mattie’s three days’ pay, and what was left of Johnny Flowers’s pound note (‘Why did you let him go?’ Mattie demanded. ‘He sounds just what we need.’) they had almost five pounds. They felt like Lady Docker.

‘Food,’ Mattie said decisively.

They made straight for the nearest fish and chip shop and ordered double portions of everything.

‘That,’ Mattie sighed later as she folded up the last triangle of bread and butter and bit into it, ‘was the best meal I have ever eaten. You’re right. I have revived.’

‘So what shall we do?’

‘We—ll. We could find somewhere to stay the night …’

‘Or we could go dancing, and then we needn’t go to bed at all.’

‘You’re right.’

‘Stick with me.’

It was still early, and they dawdled arm in arm along Oxford Street, then Julia steered them south into Wardour Street.

‘I’ve just thought. Where are the suitcases?’

‘We’re going to get them. This way.’

The strip joint had done its best to shake off its depressing aspect ready for the night’s trade. The coloured bulbs were lit, and flickered bravely. The lights were on inside too, and Mickey was wedged belligerently in the doorway behind a placard reading THE SAUCIEST SHOW IN TOWN.

He spotted Julia at once.

‘Here! Monty doesn’t know nothing about no new girl.’

Julia smiled, trying to dazzle him with charm.

‘I’m sorry. It was a mistake. Can we just take our cases out of your way …’

But Mickey was staring at Mattie. ‘Now you,’ he said, ‘are the sort of girl Monty always goes for. Looking for a job, are you?’

Mattie stuck her chin out. ‘Not your sort of job. Thanks very much.’

Julia retrieved the luggage and they retreated.

‘Come back any time you fancy,’ Mickey yelled after them. ‘You with the hair.’

They turned the corner and then stopped, giggling.