Flawless

‘I’m fine.’ Carly deposited herself on the bed. ‘You don’t mind if I stay—talk to you while you dress?’

Sue shrugged. ‘If you want. But I don’t have a lot of time to spare. I stayed longer than I should have done with Anthony’s mother, talking about the wedding.’

‘Oh.’ Carly hesitated for a moment. ‘Would you like me to do your make-up for you?’

‘No, thank you.’ Sue’s voice had an edge to it. ‘I may not have the professional touch, but I’ve managed adequately up to now. Besides, Anthony prefers me to look natural.’

Carly felt herself flush. ‘I—wasn’t criticising. I thought it might relax you.’

‘I’m perfectly relaxed,’ Sue said shortly, reaching for the moisturiser.

Carly bit her lip. ‘I can always go away, if you prefer.’

‘No, you may as well stay. I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyway about arrangements for the wedding.’ She fidgeted for a moment with the lid of the jar, then burst out, ‘Caro, would you mind awfully if you weren’t a bridesmaid?’

Carly stared at her, feeling as if she’d been pole-axed. She said slowly, ‘Not a bridesmaid? But Sue, we promised each other ever since we were little … Of course I’d mind.’

‘Yes, I know that.’ Sue’s tone was impatient, dismissive. ‘But things change—circumstances alter. And I’ve decided to have just Anthony’s sisters instead. They’re both shorter than you, and blonde. It would be practically impossible to find a colour you all could wear, and next to them you’d look like a giraffe anyway.’

‘I—see.’ Hurt and disappointment were warring inside Carly with a growing anger. ‘It didn’t occur to you to have me alone?’

‘No, it didn’t, frankly.’

‘Even though I’m your only sister?’

Bright spots of colour burned in Sue’s cheeks. ‘Listen,’ she said, ‘whether you like it or not, I only intend to get married once, and it’s going to be my big day, from beginning to end. I’m not prepared to be—outshone by anyone. I want them all to be looking at me as I walk up the aisle, not at whoever’s following me.’

‘You think I wouldn’t take a back seat—that I’d push for attention?’ Carly spread her hands. ‘Sue, I wouldn’t—I swear it.’

‘You couldn’t help it. If you walked around with a bag over your head, people would still look at you. It’s the way you hold yourself—the way you move—everything.’ Sue slammed down the jar. ‘Anyway, there’s no use in arguing about it. My mind’s made up. I’ve already spoken to Tess and Sarah.’ She paused. ‘And Lady Farrar’s delighted,’ she added deliberately.

‘Oh, I understand,’ Carly said stormily. ‘This is all to do with last New Year’s Eve, and the fact that your future father-in-law can’t keep his hands to himself. I suspected I hadn’t heard the last of that, even though it wasn’t my fault, and you know it.’

Sue shrugged again. ‘Nevertheless,’ she retorted, ‘you can hardly expect to be her favourite person.’

‘You’re quite sure you even want to invite me to the wedding?’

Sue’s hesitation was just a fraction too long. ‘Don’t be silly.’

‘I’m not.’ Carly rose. ‘I think I’m just beginning to see sense.’ She gave Sue a long, level look. ‘I’m really not wanted here, am I? I’m aware of it more and more each time I come home—that I’m an outsider.’

‘Not an outsider,’ Sue said angrily. ‘A complete stranger—in every way. What do you think it’s been like for Mother and Father—for me, listening to people talking about you—about the change in you? Seeing your picture in magazines—on television—all over the place? You know how they’ve always hated any kind of gossip or notoriety. How they’ve valued their privacy—their quiet family life. Well, you’ve ruined that. You’ve become spectacular, Caro, a media person. But you’re not going to spoil my wedding. I want it to be a dignified occasion, not a field-day for a lot of camera-happy idiots.’

‘Don’t worry about that,’ Carly said with supreme bitterness. ‘I promise to be somewhere on the other side of the world when that happy dawn breaks. Just let me know what you want as a present, apart from my absence, that is.’

It took all the control she was capable of not to slam the door as she left. She was trembling violently as she walked back to the nursery. She lifted her hands, and began to unfasten her hair, shaking it free on her shoulders in a scented mahogany cloud, scattering the pins piecemeal on the carpet uncaringly.

She knew all about her parents’ shock and resentment over her choice of career, and the means she’d chosen to achieve it. That was why she’d tried so hard, each time she returned home, to revert to being plain Caroline Foxcroft in the subordinate role of younger daughter. She thought she’d succeeded on the whole. But clearly she’d made a terrible mistake.

The incident at the New Year party when Sir Giles Farrar, flushed with whisky, had cornered her in the hall, thinking he was unobserved, had been embarrassing, but basically trivial. A more tolerant woman than Lady Farrar would have laughed it off.

Sue would make her the perfect daughter-in-law, she thought, anger stirring within her.

She collected her things, ramming them into her bag with swift, jerky movements. She kept on the grey dress. She could change when she got back to the flat. She didn’t want to remain here a minute longer than necessary.

As she carried the case downstairs to the hall, her mother appeared in the drawing-room doorway, Aunt Grace inevitably behind her.

‘Caroline?’ She stared at the case, raising her brows. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Leaving,’ Carly said briefly. ‘Isn’t that what everyone wants?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Well, it’s certainly what Susan would prefer.’

‘But you can’t go,’ her mother almost wailed. ‘The first guests will be arriving soon. Everyone will think it’s so odd.’

Carly shrugged. ‘They may also find it relatively eccentric that my own sister doesn’t want me as her bridesmaid,’ she retorted, her voice brittle.

Mrs Foxcroft sighed. ‘So Susan told you. Oh, dear, I rather hoped she’d wait. I knew you’d be upset.’

‘That,’ Carly said, ‘is putting it mildly. Mother, I can’t stay for the party, as if nothing had happened. You must see that.’

‘Your mother sees nothing of the kind,’ said Aunt Grace. ‘You’re spoiled, Caroline. Spoiled, and selfish. You can hardly wonder that Susan doesn’t want you as an attendant. No one’s forgotten your behaviour at Louise’s wedding.’ She snorted. ‘Claiming you had a virus only hours before the ceremony—insisting on being taken home, without a thought for anyone but yourself. The balance of the bridal procession was completely destroyed, and it was all your fault. You should have taken an aspirin, and played your part.’

Carly threw back her head. ‘Don’t tell me I was missed,’ she said. ‘Louise only asked me because she felt obliged to. It must have been a relief to her not to have me trailing behind her, the ugly duckling among the swans.’

‘You were certainly not a prepossessing child,’ Aunt Grace said. ‘But you’ve definitely taken drastic steps to remedy the situation since then,’ she added disapprovingly. ‘I, of course, have never agreed with tampering with nature. And poor Susan must feel it badly, having always been the pretty one.’

‘All the more reason for me to go back to London.’

‘But everyone will be expecting to see you.’ Mrs Foxcroft sounded distracted. ‘They’ll be asking where you are.’

Carly turned towards the front door. ‘Tell them I have another virus,’ she flung over her shoulder. ‘Or, better still, make it an infectious disease.’

She was still shaking as she drove back along the lanes towards the main road. A tractor pulled out of a gateway ahead of her, and she had to brake sharply to avoid it. She pulled the car over on to the verge, and sat for a few minutes, her arms folded across the steering wheel, and her forehead resting on them, waiting for her heartbeat to steady, trying to regain her equilibrium.

It was stupid to drive when she was so upset, so on edge. She couldn’t risk an accident now. It would ruin everything. She had to keep her hard-won beauty intact—flawless.

For Saul Kingsland.

At the thought of him, her whole body tensed uncontrollably.

During those innocent sunlit hours in the garden, prompted by the nostalgic memories of the child she’d been, she’d almost begun to have second thoughts about taking the Flawless assignment. But the confrontation with Susan had hardened her resolve to granite. She still could hardly believe that it had happened, that the girl with whom she’d grown up could resent her so deeply. When they’d been children, they’d been so close, the four-year difference in their ages seeming immaterial.

Sue let me tag around after her everywhere, Carly thought. And I was so proud that she was my big sister. I never minded when people said how lovely she was. I never cared about the comparisons they drew when they looked at us, side by side.

Her throat constricted painfully. But perhaps Susan had enjoyed the contrast, she thought. Even—needed it, to reassure herself about her own looks and popularity. Mirror, mirror on the wall … In those days, there’d never been any doubt as to what the mirror would answer.