Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby

Many babies thrash about, moving from side to side, missing the nipple completely and getting very annoyed. This is perfectly normal and no failing on your part; just be patient and keep on trying. If you watch any baby animal feeding for the first time on nature programmes, they always do this, pummelling and bumping into their mum. This is nature’s way of helping the milk let down so you produce more milk. It is supply and demand – and it can be difficult to believe just how much milk a newborn baby demands. The more the baby suckles, the more milk you will produce, and you’ll notice they often place a little hand on your breast or tap it; they are instinctively doing this to let the milk down.

Mastering the technique of breastfeeding is simply getting into the right position so your baby can swallow easily. That’s why having the baby in a straight line enables them to do this. Two positions most mothers use are the cradle and cross-cradle (using either one or two arms for support) and the side-lying position (really useful for those night-time feeds).

Positioning is really important, as if the baby sucks on the end of the nipple it becomes sore very quickly. That’s no fun for baby or mum, as they won’t get the feed they need and you will be in pain and find your levels of tiredness and frustration escalate very quickly. (If this does happen, all is not lost; later on in this chapter we’ll look at coping strategies if you experience problems, allowing you time to heal, give the baby their feed, and get things back on track. You can also look up problems quickly in the A–Z section.)

Trust Yourself

Get Comfy

Feeding takes time, so make the most of it. Get yourself set up with a drink, a snack, the remote control, and your phone or an eBook all within reach. Place one comfy cushion behind your back, and a cushion to support the baby as well if you want to, and put your feet up – when else will you get the chance!

Happy Baby Breastfeeding Positions

Cradle or cross-cradle Place the baby’s head in the crook of the supporting arm and hold the baby across your body with either the same arm or both arms.

Side-lying Support the baby’s head in the crook of the arm on your side, resting the baby’s body against your upper body.

Trust Yourself

Avoid Sore Nipples

It can feel like a bit of an extra faff, but using a nipple gel helps to keep your in-demand nipples supple and stops soreness – prevention is better than cure!

2. Be patient; it takes time

Nearly all babies (and many mums) have some frustration when starting to feed. Women are often disappointed or reproach themselves if they don’t take to breastfeeding instantly, and think they are doing something wrong. I’ve heard many a woman say, ‘They never said it was going to be difficult in the antenatal classes. What am I doing wrong?’ You are doing nothing wrong, you are giving your all, and the fact you are breastfeeding is amazing. Focus on getting yourself something to eat, a wash and your head down for a nap when you can, because there won’t be time for anything else in the early days. If you’d never used a computer or played an instrument, no one would expect you to do it perfectly on the first day, not even in the first week.

Also let’s not forget your body has just done some-thing miraculous – you’ve given birth! You’re tired and life is never going to be the same again – emotions run high – one minute you’ll feel on top of the world and the next you can feel like you want to run in the bathroom and lock the door for 5 minutes’ peace. Staying calm, taking a deep breath and taking your time to get into the right position are what’s needed.

You both need support and the opportunity to get used to feeding, and in the early days it takes a lot of concentration and energy. I’ve known women who’ve needed complete silence and have banned the television being on whilst learning to breastfeed, or others who have needed the TV or radio on to distract them and help pass the time. Some women find at first they can only feed in bed and don’t want lots of clothes getting in the way; others like to rest the baby on a pillow in their laps; some want to be lying down – just do whatever feels right for you.

Be patient with yourself and your baby, and be flexible, as your baby’s needs and your ability to interpret those needs will change and develop with each feed. Each day you feed, you’ll grow in confidence, improve your technique and find a range of different positions and methods that work for you. Soon you will be able to pop them on whenever and wherever you need to with ease. Even when you’re proficient at breastfeeding, everyone has the odd difficult day; when that happens put it behind you and remind yourself how much you’ve achieved and take it one feed at a time.

Trust Yourself

Breathe ...

Just before you put your baby on the breast, take a deep breath in and breathe out slowly and evenly. Count to ten, drop your shoulders away from your ears and relax.

Trust Yourself

One Day at a Time

Say to yourself, ‘Each day I breastfeed is a great achievement and I’m doing something very special for my baby.’ Keep on adding an extra day and before you know it you’ll have been breastfeeding for weeks and then months.

3. Persevere: take it a one feed at a time

Babies can be very demanding and all-consuming. In the early days when you’ve had hardly any sleep, you’ve got sore nipples and you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair, it does require great determination and perseverance to keep on going with breastfeeding – but it does get better, and you’ll feel such a strong bond with your baby for doing it.

The support network you have can really make all the difference in helping you to keep on breastfeeding for as long as you want to. It may only be you that can feed the baby, but your partner and family have a big supportive role to play here, too.

It’s important to ask for help and support; if you are talking to a health professional never feel that a question is silly or insignificant – it’s not. In some areas other mothers who are breastfeeding or have recently breastfed their babies offer mum-to-mum support. This gives you the opportunity to get help, tips and encouragement from other mums who’ve had similar experiences. It can be really good to find out about nice cafés and places to go where women enjoy breastfeeding their babies, because you won’t want to stay at home forever, and it’s important you find places where you feel comfortable. Breastfeeding in public can be a very liberating experience – it is what breasts are for, after all!

Trust Yourself

It’s Good to Talk

A problem shared really can be a problem halved. Whether it’s with a professional, your mum, your sister, your partner or a friend who is going through the same thing ... breastfeeding is not without its drama days, and it’s nice to know you’re not the only one.

I remember when ... I first worked in rural Kent getting a desperate call from a mum late one Christmas Eve. She was near to giving up breastfeeding her newborn baby, and there was no way I was going to make her wait for help until after Boxing Day. It was getting dark and I made my way through the snow down the country lanes in my trusty Mini to see her. When I got there I saw straight away that she had a very long baby who was also a very cross baby who needed more breast milk to satisfy his mighty appetite. When I looked in his nappy he had a light green poo that only stained his terry towelling nappy. We both knew he needed more milk. I sat down with his mum and together we calmly revisited latching on and how to calm him; we talked about and tried to find a good feeding position for her, and I told her about the ways you can tell if your baby is getting enough milk. This lovely mum also needed a little TLC herself; she was rushed off her feet and needed to take a little time to eat and drink while I had a cuddle with the baby. I was with them for a couple of hours, and when I got back to my Mini I realised I’d left the headlights on and the battery was flat. Now, the snow was falling heavily and I was miles from home. I walked to the telephone box to call out the local mechanic, trying to work out how I was going to pay the bill. He came out on Christmas Eve and got my little Mini going, and when I asked him how much, he said, ‘No charge, Nurse.’ I learned that day that patience and perseverance are just what mums and newly qualified health visitors need to get them through. I’ll never forget the kindness of that mechanic; he had the true spirit of Christmas.

Is my baby getting enough milk?

I don’t think I have ever met a breastfeeding mother who didn’t have some anxiety about whether her baby was getting enough milk, even when it feels like you are feeding non-stop. I have found there are three signs that tell you if a baby is getting enough milk, which I will talk you through in a moment.

I know it can be hard to believe that all your baby’s food and drink needs can be satisfied by breast milk – but for the first few months they really are. It is supply and demand; the more the baby suckles, the more milk is produced, and this is why your Little One needs to feed so frequently. You’ll notice your appetite increases, too, and you need to eat well and drink lots of extra fluids to make that milk.

The three signs your baby is getting enough breast milk

1st sign: the sound your baby makes when feeding

When a baby is getting mouthfuls of feed and swallowing it sounds like gulping, there will be a glug, glug, glug noise as the milk goes down into their stomach, often with a siss, siss, siss sound as well.

When the baby latches on they will feed for a few minutes and then have a little rest and a breather whilst more milk travels down. After a couple of minutes’ rest, if you gently move your baby they will start up again and have some more. They may do this several times before they have finished on that breast. It’s like they are saying to you, ‘Not finished yet, Mum. A little more, please.’ They will do this four or five times before they allow you to finish on that side, and they will look sleepy – milk drunk, in fact.

If you think about the way you eat, generally we don’t take everything on our plate in one go. Sometimes you feel like a light lunch and other times you fancy a really big dinner, but you like to have a little pause in between your starter and your main course. You’ll find your baby will have different requirements with each feed; just tune in to them and they’ll soon show you the way.

Trust Yourself

Test to See If the Breast Is Empty

Gently use your thumb and forefinger in a pressing-down motion on the nipple to see if there is any milk left.

Feeding from both sides

You’ll want your baby to empty the breast and get the lovely rich hind milk that comes down towards the end of the feed. Babies often know they have had the lot before you do, and start crying for more and getting very cross with the empty breast. You’ll soon learn when the breast is empty, although you may not feel any sensation as strong as you do when the breast feels full. It can be frustrating for your baby if they are sucking on an empty breast. Giving them the other side as well will keep your Little One topped up and give you a little more time in-between feeds, as the baby will be fuller for longer.

Some babies may have both sides at most of their feeds, others only when they are extra hungry like after a long sleep. Sometimes it seems like they can hardly wait five seconds while you switch them over from one breast to the other. If you’ve got a baby that usually just wants to feed, feed, feed with virtually no stopping, change their nappy at the start of the feed; if they are on the sleepy side, changing their nappy at ‘half time’ will wake them up a bit and stimulate their appetite for the other side, ensuring they get plenty of milk and a nice full tummy. Always start the next feed on the side they didn’t have or that you finished on.

2nd sign: understanding how your baby gains weight

A baby’s weight is individual to that baby, and comparing it to another child is not an indicator of how well they are doing – you wouldn’t expect all adults to be the same height and weight. Understanding the weight gain that is right for and unique to your baby can be really helpful and put your mind at rest.

The weight your baby puts on will help you to tell if your baby is getting enough milk. If you’re in the UK, the midwife and then your health visitor will weigh the baby to monitor their growth, and chart it on what is called a percentile chart (usually referred to as ‘centiles’). These graphs are next to the weight pages in your Parent Held Record (The Red Book) and show how your baby is progressing along their own line.

It can be difficult to get your head round what the centiles mean. If you think about 100 babies born on the same day as your baby, they will be charted somewhere on the graph. Let’s say your Little One is on the ninth centile, which means 91 babies would weigh more and eight babies less than your baby. If your baby was born on the 50th centile, half of the 100 will weigh more and half less. It doesn’t matter where on the chart your baby starts; it’s the progress they make along their own line that matters, not what anyone else’s baby weighs. What you want to see is your baby progressing along their line or moving above it. If your baby started to drop significantly below their own centile line, you would want to get them checked and discuss why that may be happening.

Babies seem to have an inner clock that regulates how much they need to feed. Sometimes they feed very frequently and other times they can go longer and seem to be less frantic. It is amazing, but more often than not a baby follows their centile line perfectly (though if they are poorly they might deviate from their usual rate of growth until they get better). It is always good to see their progress and to act on anything that is not expected.