Shirley

Mrs. Pryor had already disappeared behind the curtain. Reclining far back in a deep armchair by the bedside, she was withdrawn from view. Caroline looked abroad into the chamber; she thought it empty. As her stray ideas returned slowly, each folding its weak wings on the mind’s sad shore, like birds exhausted, beholding void, and perceiving silence round her, she believed herself alone. Collected she was not yet; perhaps healthy self-possession and self-control were to be hers no more; perhaps that world the strong and prosperous live in had already rolled from beneath her feet forever. So, at least, it often seemed to herself. In health she had never been accustomed to think aloud, but now words escaped her lips unawares.

“Oh, I should see him once more before all is over! Heaven might favour me thus far!” she cried. “God grant me a little comfort before I die!” was her humble petition.

“But he will not know I am ill till I am gone, and he will come when they have laid me out, and I am senseless, cold, and stiff.

“What can my departed soul feel then? Can it see or know what happens to the clay? Can spirits, through any medium, communicate with living flesh? Can the dead at all revisit those they leave? Can they come in the elements? Will wind, water, fire, lend me a path to Moore?

“Is it for nothing the wind sounds almost articulately sometimes – sings as I have lately heard it sing at night – or passes the casement sobbing, as if for sorrow to come? Does nothing, then, haunt it, nothing inspire it?

“Why, it suggested to me words one night; it poured a strain which I could have written down, only I was appalled, and dared not rise to seek pencil and paper by the dim watch-light.

“What is that electricity they speak of, whose changes make us well or ill, whose lack or excess blasts, whose even balance revives? What are all those influences that are about us in the atmosphere, that keep playing over our nerves like fingers on stringed instruments, and call forth now a sweet note, and now a wail – now an exultant swell, and anon the saddest cadence?

“Where is the other world? In what will another life consist? Why do I ask? Have I not cause to think that the hour is hasting but too fast when the veil must be rent for me? Do I not know the Grand Mystery is likely to burst prematurely on me? Great Spirit, in whose goodness I confide, whom, as my Father, I have petitioned night and morning from early infancy, help the weak creation of Thy hands! Sustain me through the ordeal I dread and must undergo! Give me strength! Give me patience! Give me – oh, give me faith!”

She fell back on her pillow. Mrs. Pryor found means to steal quietly from the room. She re-entered it soon after, apparently as composed as if she had really not overheard this strange soliloquy.

The next day several callers came. It had become known that Miss Helstone was worse. Mr. Hall and his sister Margaret arrived. Both, after they had been in the sickroom, quitted it in tears; they had found the patient more altered than they expected. Hortense Moore came. Caroline seemed stimulated by her presence. She assured her, smiling, she was not dangerously ill; she talked to her in a low voice, but cheerfully. During her stay, excitement kept up the flush of her complexion; she looked better.

“How is Mr. Robert?” asked Mrs. Pryor, as Hortense was preparing to take leave.

“He was very well when he left.”

“Left! Is he gone from home?”

It was then explained that some police intelligence about the rioters of whom he was in pursuit had, that morning, called him away to Birmingham, and probably a fortnight might elapse ere he returned.

“He is not aware that Miss Helstone is very ill?”

“Oh no! He thought, like me, that she had only a bad cold.”

After this visit, Mrs. Pryor took care not to approach Caroline’s couch for above an hour. She heard her weep, and dared not look on her tears.

As evening closed in, she brought her some tea. Caroline, opening her eyes from a moment’s slumber, viewed her nurse with an unrecognizing glance.

“I smelt the honeysuckles in the glen this summer morning,” she said, “as I stood at the counting house window.”

Strange words like these from pallid lips pierce a loving listener’s heart more poignantly than steel. They sound romantic, perhaps, in books; in real life they are harrowing.

“My darling, do you know me?” said Mrs. Pryor.

“I went in to call Robert to breakfast. I have been with him in the garden. He asked me to go. A heavy dew has refreshed the flowers. The peaches are ripening.”

“My darling! my darling!” again and again repeated the nurse.

“I thought it was daylight – long after sunrise. It looks dark. Is the moon now set?”

That moon, lately risen, was gazing full and mild upon her. Floating in deep blue space, it watched her unclouded.

“Then it is not morning? I am not at the cottage? Who is this? I see a shape at my bedside.”

“It is myself – it is your friend – your nurse – your – Lean your head on my shoulder. Collect yourself.” In a lower tone—“O God, take pity! Give her life, and me strength! Send me courage! Teach me words!”

Some minutes passed in silence. The patient lay mute and passive in the trembling arms, on the throbbing bosom of the nurse.

“I am better now,” whispered Caroline at last, “much better. I feel where I am. This is Mrs. Pryor near me. I was dreaming. I talk when I wake up from dreams; people often do in illness. How fast your heart beats, ma’am! Do not be afraid.”

“It is not fear, child – only a little anxiety, which will pass. I have brought you some tea, Cary. Your uncle made it himself. You know he says he can make a better cup of tea than any housewife can. Taste it. He is concerned to hear that you eat so little; he would be glad if you had a better appetite.”

“I am thirsty. Let me drink.”

She drank eagerly.

“What o’clock is it, ma’am?” she asked.

“Past nine.”

“Not later? Oh! I have yet a long night before me. But the tea has made me strong. I will sit up.”

Mrs. Pryor raised her, and arranged her pillows.

“Thank Heaven! I am not always equally miserable, and ill, and hopeless. The afternoon has been bad since Hortense went; perhaps the evening may be better. It is a fine night, I think? The moon shines clear.”

“Very fine – a perfect summer night. The old church tower gleams white almost as silver.”

“And does the churchyard look peaceful?”

“Yes, and the garden also. Dew glistens on the foliage.”

“Can you see many long weeds and nettles amongst the graves? or do they look turfy and flowery?”

“I see closed daisy-heads gleaming like pearls on some mounds. Thomas has mown down the dock-leaves and rank grass, and cleared all away.”

“I always like that to be done; it soothes one’s mind to see the place in order. And, I dare say, within the church just now that moonlight shines as softly as in my room. It will fall through the east window full on the Helstone monument. When I close my eyes I seem to see poor papa’s epitaph in black letters on the white marble. There is plenty of room for other inscriptions underneath.”

“William Farren came to look after your flowers this morning. He was afraid, now you cannot tend them yourself, they would be neglected. He has taken two of your favourite plants home to nurse for you.”

“If I were to make a will, I would leave William all my plants; Shirley my trinkets – except one, which must not be taken off my neck; and you, ma’am, my books.” After a pause—“Mrs. Pryor, I feel a longing wish for something.”

“For what, Caroline?”

“You know I always delight to hear you sing. Sing me a hymn just now. Sing that hymn which begins,—

‘Our God, our help in ages past,

Our hope for years to come,

Our shelter from the stormy blast,