A Seaside Christmas

“When I got out of school, there weren’t a lot of jobs around. I needed to work.”

“That’s right. You’re married and the father of a little girl,” Jenny said. Bree had hesitantly passed on that information, clearly uncertain how Jenny would feel about the news. She’d had a momentary twinge of regret, but that was all.

“Mostly true,” he said, a shadow passing over his face. “Deanna moved out and filed for divorce a few months ago. She said she was tired of competing with my past.”

Jenny frowned at that. “Meaning?”

“You, of course. She said she could tell that every time one of your songs came on the radio, I started thinking about what might have been. It probably didn’t help that they were all downloaded onto my iPod, too.”

Shocked, Jenny sat back down, picked up her guitar and held it protectively in front of her, her fingers idly strumming as she bought time to consider what he’d said.

“But, Dillon, surely that wasn’t true,” she responded eventually, hoping his wife had been wrong. “You and I called it quits when we left for college. That was a long time ago. We hadn’t even been in touch.”

“I told her that.” He shrugged. “She didn’t believe it, especially after we moved to town and everyone she met mentioned our history. I don’t think they did it to be cruel. It’s just that people in Chesapeake Shores have long memories, and you’ve become a celebrity in the music world. Everyone in town is so proud of knowing you.”

Jenny shied away from the description. “A celebrity? Hardly. Most people have no idea who wrote the songs. The focus is on the artist who performs them.”

“Unless the writer is romantically involved with the performer, I imagine,” he suggested quietly.

Jenny sighed. He was right about that. Because of her relationship with Caleb, she’d been in the public eye more than most songwriters who weren’t performers themselves. “I’m really sorry.”

“Not your fault. And, to be honest, maybe Deanna was right. Maybe you never entirely get over your first love.”

Jenny had. She’d moved on with Caleb and, in the rare moments when she allowed herself to be completely truthful, she knew that was the relationship that still lingered in her heart. Bree had been right about that. She was determined, though, not to listen to that traitorous bit of nostalgia. She’d left Caleb in the past. He needed to stay there.

“What about your little girl, though?” she asked, thinking of her own parents’ divorce, her father’s disappearance from their lives and the scars that had left. “Don’t you owe it to her to try harder?”

Dillon seemed taken aback that she would expect that. “Lori’s okay,” he insisted, his tone defensive. “She’s only two. She knows she has two homes, one with Mommy and another one with Daddy. They’re not far away. They’re living in Annapolis.”

Jenny started to argue, then waved off what she’d been about to say. “Never mind. It’s not my place.”

Dillon sat down beside her, then nudged her with an elbow. “That never stopped you before. Say what’s on your mind.”

“Just that I remember what it was like when my dad left. I’m not sure I ever got over it.”

He frowned at that. “That was completely different. He moved to another state. You never saw him. You barely even heard from him. And then you found out he’d never wanted kids in the first place.”

“That was a kick in the pants, all right,” Jenny acknowledged. “From then on I figured it was all my fault that he’d left, that if my mom had never gotten pregnant with me, they’d have stayed married.”

“You knew better, though,” Dillon reminded her. “Your mom wouldn’t have traded having you for anything, not even keeping your dad around. I heard her say so myself.”

“Sure, that’s what she always said. Still, it’s hard not to wonder. She must have been in love with him at the beginning.”

“I’m sure she was, but didn’t she tell you that they’d fought over having children, that he knew how important it was to her but refused to even consider it? Despite how he felt, she never even gave a moment’s thought to having you when she found out she’d gotten pregnant. There were choices she could have made.” He met her gaze. “Personally I think it’s one of those things people take for granted when they’re dating, assuming they’re on the same page about everything. When they discover otherwise, it changes how they feel.”

“I suppose,” Jenny conceded.

“Well, in my case, I’m right here. Lori will never have to wonder the way you have. She’ll always know how much I wanted her and love her.”

“Maybe it is different,” Jenny agreed. “Maybe I just feel a little guilty.”

“What on earth do you have to feel guilty about?”

“I don’t like thinking I might have had even a tiny part in your breakup with Lori’s mom.”

Dillon shook his head. “Deanna and I shouldn’t have been together in the first place. I knew better, but from the minute you and I split up, I was a little bit lost. I know we agreed it was for the best, that we were way too young to be serious, that it was crazy to try to maintain a relationship when we were at different schools, that we should be open to new people.” He gave her a rueful look. “Turned out I wasn’t all that eager for new experiences.”

Jenny regarded him with regret. “I’m sorry.”