Emma nodded at once. “I’ll call Helen. Mama turned her away this morning, but I’ll plead with Helen not to give up this time. Helen’s been through this kind of thing herself.” She sighed. “I take that back. Her husband died after a long illness. It’s not the same thing at all, is it?”
“She was still left to cope with her grief,” Matt said. “And make no mistake, your mother is grieving.”
“Matt, are we ever going to know what really happened at the lake?” Emma asked. “Or are we going to live with this uncertainty?”
“Will a ruling from the medical examiner that it was an accident satisfy you?”
Emma’s expression went from thoughtful to sad. “That’s what I want more than anything, but to be honest, it won’t erase the doubts. I need to know what really happened. If there’s any chance at all it was a suicide, I need to know why he did it.”
“Then you intend to pursue this?” he said wearily. “I figured as much.”
“Will you help?”
“I’ll do what I can. But Emma, until we know something more, I don’t think you should share your doubts with your family.”
She nodded. “I agree.”
He studied her intently. “You going to be okay here? If so, I’ll run on over to the funeral home.”
Emma looked torn. “I should go with you.”
“Please, let me spare you this part. I’ll go over everything with you afterward, and if something’s not the way you want it, we’ll change it.”
“Thank you,” she said finally, her relief obvious.
He tucked a finger under her chin. “You’ll get through this. You all will,” he said emphatically. “It’ll just take a little time.”
Emma gazed down the hallway toward her mother’s closed door and sighed again. “I hope so. I really do.”
Matt intended to do everything he could to see that she had all the support she needed to get through the tough days ahead.
Rosa would not go to the funeral of a man who’d betrayed her, betrayed all of them, by taking his own life.
There, she thought with a touch of defiance, she’d admitted it. She knew in her heart that Don’s death hadn’t been an accident. The police could say whatever they wanted, but he wasn’t a careless driver. Besides, there had been too many signs that he was unhappy. She hadn’t wanted to see them, but now they were impossible to ignore.
Not that she was about to say a word to a living soul. How could she? What he’d done was a sin. It was horrible enough that she believed it, without admitting it to the whole world and destroying his reputation.
Still, she couldn’t bring herself to go to his funeral. She’d been telling Emma that from the moment the arrangements were made, but Emma hadn’t listened. Now it was less than two hours until the service, and she still hadn’t budged from her bed. She knew she was upsetting her daughter, but this was the way she felt.
Suddenly the door to her room burst open and Helen came striding in, trailed by Emma. They were both dressed in black. Emma’s complexion was so pale, her eyes so haunted that for an instant Rosa felt guilty for causing her more anguish.
“Rosa Killian, I am ashamed of you,” Helen said, scowling down at her. “I never thought of you as a coward.”
Rosa didn’t have the strength to counter the charge. Maybe that’s exactly what she was, a coward. Maybe she didn’t want to face all those stares, all that conjecture. Maybe she didn’t want to face the fact that her husband was really dead. So what? She had a right to hide out if she wanted to. When it came to being a coward, her husband had just set her a fine example.
“No argument?” Helen demanded. She got a firm grip on the covers and ripped them out of Rosa’s grasp. “Get up at once. This day is going to be difficult enough on your children without them having to go through it without their mother. Stop being so damned selfish!”
Rosa stared at her. Helen never cursed. That she had done it now spoke volumes about just how upset she was with her friend.
“I can’t do it,” Rosa said simply, huddling where she was, wishing she’d taken another of those sleeping pills.
“I didn’t think I could do it when Harrison died, either, but I managed. You were there. All my friends were there. And my children needed me. I concentrated on that and somehow I got through the day.”
“Maybe you’re just braver than I am.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Emma, tell her how strong she is.”
“You are, Mama. You’re the strongest woman I know,” Emma said quietly.
“Perhaps I was, once,” Rosa conceded. “Not anymore.”
“Inner strength doesn’t disappear,” Helen chided. “It just gets buried for a while. It’s there when we need it.”
Rosa looked into her friend’s eyes, then into her daughter’s. They were both expecting more than she had to give. “I honestly don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can and you must,” Helen insisted. “You take a shower and fix your hair. I’ll find you something to wear.” She turned to give Emma a reassuring smile. “It will be okay now. Just give us a half hour.”
“Are you sure you don’t need me?” Emma asked, her gaze on Rosa.
Rosa thought of the burden she’d left on her daughter’s shoulders for days now and forced herself to shake her head. “Helen’s right. It’ll be okay. Could you make me a cup of strong tea with some sugar?”
Looking relieved, Emma nodded and left the room.
“You should be proud of your daughter,” Helen said. “She’s heartbroken, but she’s doing what needs to be done. And Matt’s been a godsend. He’s been right by her side. Do you suppose that after all this time…?”
“I can’t even think about that now,” Rosa said, cutting her off.
“Maybe it would do you good to think about something besides yourself,” Helen retorted.
Guilt rushed through Rosa. “I have been selfish. I know that. I just can’t face this. I can’t face any of it.”
“You can,” Helen repeated. “We’ll be right beside you. All of your friends are just waiting for you to reach out to us. Jolie and Sylvia are heartsick that you haven’t let them in. After today, we’ll be right here as you start to pick up the pieces of your life. I can tell you from experience, you do it one day at a time. You’ll have good days and bad ones, but you will go on. And eventually life returns to what passes for normal.”
There was only one thing wrong with Helen’s promise, Rosa thought as she went to get ready. Without her beloved Don, she had no life.
Matt remained by Emma’s side throughout the funeral, but he kept his eye on Jeff. During the service Jeff stayed dutifully beside Andy, but the instant it was over, he began drifting away from the crowd. Matt made his way toward him and clamped a firm hand around the back of his neck.
“You about ready to head back to the house?” Matt asked, keeping his tone friendly enough.
Heat flooding into his cheeks, Jeff regarded him angrily. “What’s it to you?”
“Your mom and Emma will be expecting you,” Matt said. “Are you going to let them down?”
“The whole damn town’s going to be hanging out at the house. Who needs it?” he retorted. “This whole funeral thing is a crock.”
“It’s a ritual,” Matt corrected. “It’s a way for people to say goodbye, a way they can offer comfort to those left behind. Doesn’t it feel good to know how many people loved your dad?”
“They weren’t here today because they loved him,” Jeff said scathingly. “They were here to gawk at us, to watch us bawling our eyes out.”