Amazing Gracie

“Fine,” she said with an indignant little huff and headed off toward her longtime neighbor’s house.

Kevin watched her departure with admiration. She was quite an actress. The local theater group could have used her skills in their recent production of Arsenic and Old Lace.

Once he saw that Mrs. Johnson was, indeed, home and had invited his aunt inside, he stepped through the open gate into Aunt Delia’s yard. It really was a disgrace, he conceded, though at the moment the tall grass, dandelions, and buttercups allowed him to pinpoint exactly which was the intruder had gone. He turned to the left and followed the trampled weeds.

He’d give Gracie MacDougal credit for being brazen. She’d probably found a way inside and was already measuring for curtains.

The path she’d left took him around the back of the house. Sure enough, it stopped right beside the steps to the glassed-in back porch, which his aunt alternately described as her sunroom or her garden room. Once it had been filled with pots of blooming plants, but now those very same plants were decorating her parlor at his place. He’d had to knock out a whole damned wall practically and replace it with windows until the lighting suited her and her philodendrons, or whatever the hell they were.

Of course, at the moment, that was neither here nor there. At the moment, he needed to figure out exactly where his quarry had slipped off to. It didn’t look as though she’d broken in. Every window was intact and the door was firmly closed. He tested the lock and it held. So where the dickens was she? Surely she hadn’t vanished into thin air.

Suddenly his eye caught a glimpse of bright yellow where it had no business being, right on the bottom branch of the oak tree shading the side of the house. He shimmied up the tree and reached for the scrap of cloth. Silk, either from a blouse or a scarf. It was a nice, sunny shade, too, perfect for Ms. MacDougal’s coloring. He’d bet she looked like a million bucks when she’d left home. He wondered if she looked half as good now that she’d scaled a tree and shredded her clothing.

He glanced up a little higher and saw what had attracted her. The second-floor window was wide open. He had left it cracked himself, to allow some air to stir in the place and keep it from getting musty. It had never occurred to him that anyone, not even the neighborhood kids, would spot it and break in. But, then, he hadn’t known about Gracie MacDougal a few months ago.

Kevin considered scrambling down and using his key to go in the back door, but concluded that would be a tactical mistake. Though she probably didn’t know it yet, Gracie was trapped inside. All the doors had deadbolt locks requiring keys to open them from inside or out. If he entered the same way she had, he could corner her and scare the living daylights out of her. Or he could save himself the trouble and just wait for her under the tree. Either way, he hoped it would be a good lesson.

After a few minutes waiting, he opted for joining her inside. Grateful that he’d worn sneakers, he climbed the rest of the way up the tree, stepped onto the porch roof, then tiptoed over to the open window. Whether she’d heard the commotion outside and decided to beat a hasty retreat or whether she’d simply completed her unauthorized tour, Gracie picked that precise moment to try to back out of the window.

Kevin paused and enjoyed the view for several seconds before asking quietly, “Going someplace?”

She rose up too fast and whacked her back on the edge of the window, let out a muffled exclamation, then hesitated as if torn between going back inside or completing her ignominious exit. He heard her heavy sigh of resignation. Then she backed the rest of the way out.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Kevin said when she was standing toe to toe with him, her expression defiant, the bottom edge of her yellow blouse ragged where she’d snagged it.

“You scared me half to death,” she retorted. “How dare you creep up on a person like that!”

“Excuse me? You’re not exactly in the best position to be hurling accusations at anybody.”

“I saw the window was open and I thought someone might have broken in,” she said.

Kevin was impressed. She hadn’t wasted a single second coming up with an explanation, even though on close examination it defied logic. “You’re quick on your feet, I’ll give you that. Did you consider calling the cops?”

Color crept up in her cheeks. “Not exactly.”

“Or shouting for Mrs. Johnson to call the cops?”

“No.”

“No, you decided to investigate all on your own.”

“It seemed like the neighborly thing to do,” she insisted, her expression daring him to question her motives. “Besides, you didn’t call the cops or tell Mrs. Johnson to call them, did you? No. You did exactly what I did.”

“Because I was just about one hundred percent sure who was inside,” he said.

“It’s the tiny one percent of uncertainty that will get you killed,” she pointed out.

“A fact you’d do well to remember,” he retorted. “Honestly, Gracie, if you wanted a tour of the place, all you had to do was ask.”

She regarded him skeptically. “Would you have taken me through the house?”

“No. What would be the point, when the owner’s not prepared to sell?”

“If I liked what I saw, maybe I’d up my offer so it would be irresistible.”

“You can’t go that high.”

“You know absolutely nothing about my financial situation.”

“Want to bet?”

“Meaning?”

“We live in the computer age, Gracie. It isn’t hard to get a line on someone’s credit rating.”

She stared at him with stunned disbelief. “You investigated me?”

“Of course.”

“Why, you no good, rotten scum. How could you? You don’t even know me.”

“Precisely the point of an investigation, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh, go to hell.”

“Darlin’, that’s no way to win over an adversary.”

She sighed and looked at him with those huge, golden-flecked eyes. “Is that what you are, an adversary?”

“When it comes to selling you this house, yes. On the other hand,” he began and allowed a fascinated gaze to slide over her, “I can think of all sorts of other subjects about which we could get downright friendly. Care to discuss them over supper?”

“You’re inviting me to dinner?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“But you won’t discuss the house with me?”

“That’s right. The topic’s off limits.”

“Then I can’t imagine what we’d have left to discuss.”

“Use your obviously fertile imagination. I’m sure you’ll think of something. Call me when you do.”

With that, Kevin stepped to the edge of the porch roof and lowered himself to the ground. When he glanced up, he saw Gracie staring after him incredulously.

“You’re leaving me up here?”

“You got up there all by yourself. Surely, you know the way down. Call me when you’ve decided about supper.”