Feels Like Family

“Because you’ve been pregnant off and on for most of the past two years,” Dana Sue answered. “You shouldn’t be on your feet. As for Ronnie, what little spare time he has now that his hardware store has taken off, he needs to spend with Annie.”

“Yeah, right,” Helen said skeptically. “Face it, Dana Sue. I know what you’re up to and I’m telling you right now to cut it out.”

“But I think—” Dana Sue began.

“Don’t think. Go home to your husband and drag him off to bed. Maybe if you’re not feeling sex-deprived, you’ll stop worrying about my love life.”

“Trust me, not an issue,” Dana Sue said, her cheeks flushed. “You’re my friend. I want you to be as happy as I am.”

“Me, too,” Maddie said.

“Then, please, just lay off about Erik and about me having a baby. I’ll work this out for myself when the time is right.”

“We just don’t want you to wake up when you hit fifty and realize that you have all these huge regrets,” Maddie said. “The saddest question of all is ‘What if…?’”

“You mean like what if I’d never mentioned to the two of you that I thought I wanted a baby?” Helen said testily.

Maddie frowned at her. “No, I mean like what if I’d realized how much I wanted one before it was too late. You can’t go back, then, Helen.”

The aching emptiness deep inside Helen, the ache she’d been trying so hard lately to pretend wasn’t there, came back with a vengeance.

“Believe me, I know that,” she said quietly. “It’s not something I’m ever likely to forget, which is why I’m under so much pressure. I know I can’t take forever to make this decision.”

“Then get those lists of yours and let’s talk about all the pros and cons,” Dana Sue prodded.

“But…” Helen began, only to sigh when both woman regarded her with unyielding expressions. “Okay, fine. I’ll get the lists.”

She grabbed her briefcase and fished through it ’til she found the legal pad she’d reserved for just this particular topic. Page after page had been covered with her notes, including everything she’d been told by the obstetricians she’d consulted. Though she was filled with reservations about this entire conversation, she handed her notes to Maddie, whose eyes widened as she flipped through the pages.

“You could write a Ph.D. thesis with this much research,” Maddie said.

“I thought it was critical to be well-informed,” Helen replied defensively.

Dana Sue looked over Maddie’s shoulder. “You consulted medical textbooks?” she asked incredulously.

“Well, of course, I did,” Helen replied. “You don’t think I’d rely on only two sources for something this important, do you?”

Dana Sue sat back down. “I think you’re overthinking this whole thing. That’s the problem. It comes down to this, Helen. Do you want to have a child of your own or don’t you?”

“It’s not that simple,” Helen protested. “I can’t just wave a magic wand and be pregnant.”

Dana Sue regarded her with a wicked grin. “Well, the right guy could.”

Maddie swallowed a laugh. “Dana Sue!”

“Well, isn’t that really the bottom line?” Dana Sue retorted.

“No!” Helen said. “I have to know with every fiber of my being that I want this, that I can make the kind of changes in my life that having a baby will require. You were both a lot younger when you got pregnant for the first time. You were married. It was the natural order of things, the right time in your lives. Now, especially for someone who’s spent her life so far married to her career, it’s not that easy. Heck, Maddie, even you wrestled with the decision to have another baby when you and Cal got married, and you had him to support your decision.”

“True,” Maddie conceded. “But I’m still trying to pin down what has you worried. Is it a fear that you’re incapable of devoting the time required to raising a child? Are you concerned just about the process of getting pregnant— natural versus artificial insemination? Are you wondering what will happen to your child if something happens to you? Or are you just afraid that you don’t want this enough to disrupt your life? If that last one is it, then you’re right to worry. This is not something to undertake unless you’re totally committed to it.”

Dana Sue reached over and took her hand. “You do know that we’ll both be around to support you every single step of the way, don’t you? You and this baby will have a big extended family. If you hit any kind of rough patch, you won’t be in it alone, even if you do decide not to do things in the traditional way. You would be an incredible mom. Annie thinks so, too.”

“My kids feel the same way,” Maddie added. “They adore you.”

Helen’s eyes swam with tears for the second time that day. “I know that,” she whispered, swiping at the annoying evidence of what she perceived as weakness. “I guess I never thought I’d find myself in this position. I thought I’d do it all the traditional way. Time just…got away from me.”

“Well, it’s not too late yet,” Dana Sue said firmly.

“From a medical standpoint, I know that,” Helen said. “But you touched on something that does worry me. What if something happens to me? Knowing I’m the only parent could make a child feel incredibly insecure.”

“Which is why your child will always know they can turn to any of us,” Dana Sue reminded her. “Now let’s get down to business. We can stay here all night and go through those lists of yours item by item, if that will help.”

Already somewhat relieved by their reassurances and their commitment, Helen shook her head. “No, but thanks. I’ll work this out.”

“Soon,” Maddie said.

“Soon,” Helen agreed, though she immediately felt the pressure starting to build again. She hated knowing that there was no time to waste, that a decision of this magnitude couldn’t be put off forever.

Maddie struggled up from the sofa with an assist from Dana Sue. If she was this awkward now at only four and a half months, Helen couldn’t begin to imagine how ungainly she’d be by her ninth month. For some reason the image made Helen want to weep all over again. She did want that for herself. The awkwardness, the belly out to here, the kick of her baby keeping her awake at night.

It was the aftermath that terrified her—the middle-of-the- night feedings, pacing the floor trying to soothe a crying baby, letting go of a tiny hand on the first day of school, having to make excuses to the court when her child had chicken pox, making sure homework was done, teaching her son or daughter the dangers of alcohol, smoking and premarital sex. The litany of things that could make the difference between raising a happy, well-adjusted child and a kid destined for disaster scared her out of her wits. Despite the accolades from Dana Sue, Maddie and their children, what if she was lousy at all of it? What then?

“You’re overthinking it again,” Maddie said, interrupting Helen’s thoughts. She tapped her chest. “Listen to what’s in your heart. It won’t steer you wrong.”

Helen hugged both of them fiercely. “Thank you for not listening to me when I told you to go away.”

Dana Sue grinned. “Not a problem. We’ve spent a lifetime ignoring your orders. We enjoy it.”

“That’s true,” Maddie agreed. “Now get some rest. Maybe this will all be clearer to you in the morning.”

Helen doubted that, but she did feel better for having these two old, and very dear, friends offering her unconditional support. It was the one thing she should have realized she could count on long before tonight.

6

Erik had been predisposed to dislike Tess Martinez, mostly because he resented the way Helen had manipulated the whole situation to convince Dana Sue to hire someone else for the kitchen. He also had major reservations about hiring another single mom after the problems they’d been having with Karen.

Yet he’d discovered it was all but impossible not to like a woman who was little bigger than a bird and whose sheer perkiness and good-natured eagerness to work commanded his respect and approval. After only a few days, he’d grudgingly conceded to himself—though not to Dana Sue and definitely not to Helen—that Tess was a real find.

Right now, nearly an hour after the restaurant had closed, Tess was hovering beside him, watching every move he made as he finished decorating a wedding cake for a reception Sullivan’s was catering on Saturday.

“So many flowers,” she whispered reverently. “It’s like a picture.”

“What was your wedding cake like?” Erik asked.

“Not so beautiful as this,” she said sadly. “We had no money for such things.”

Born in the United States, and the daughter of Mexican immigrants who’d come into the country legally to work harvesting sugar in Florida, Tess spoke with a charming mix of Spanish and Southern accents. The family had worked hard, saved their money and had eventually started a small vegetable farm in South Carolina a few miles outside of Serenity. They sold their produce to local grocery stores and restaurants and at weekend farmers’ markets, including the one started last summer in Serenity’s town square. The instant Dana Sue had met Tess, she’d realized that much of Sullivan’s produce came from Tess’s family farm. Erik had known at that moment during the interview that Dana Sue would hire Tess even if the young woman could do nothing more than boil an egg.