Beach Lane

She smiled. “I’m sure that’s it.”

As he started the car, he glanced over at her. “Want to know why I bother with you?”

She looked flustered by the question. “I’m not entirely sure I do.”

“You need to hear this,” he said, suddenly solemn. “Because you ground me, you fascinate me and you make me feel like a whole person, someone worth loving.”

When she met his gaze, there were tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Mack, of course you’re worth loving,” she said softly. “You’re surrounded by friends who prove that, not just me. You have to let go of the past. Your father—who-ever he was—was obviously a worthless jerk, and your mother did the best she could. You’re worth a hundred of either one of them. When are you going to believe that?”

“I do sometimes,” he said, then added, “When I’m with you.”

And that’s why, no matter how this job mess worked itself out, he couldn’t let himself lose her. No matter what it took.

That one sweet moment in the car when Mack had admitted how she made him feel sustained Susie for the next week. She’d sensed that there was more he wanted to say. A lot more. But as always, he’d quickly made a joke that had altered the mood at once. And he’d keep things light all through dinner at Brady’s, casting a warning look in her direction any time she tried to turn the conversation to anything serious, or even remotely personal. She’d gone along with it, knowing he needed laughter right now more than he needed advice or even consolation.

Oddly, she’d concluded that evening feeling more hopeful about the two of them than she had for a long time. Not even Mack’s absence over the past few days had thrown her. He’d called regularly to let her know he was okay, but the brief conversations hadn’t been terribly revealing about how he was spending his time or what he was thinking about his future. She’d told herself to accept his need to work through things on his own. It was a struggle, but she was mostly succeeding.

In an odd way, it helped that she hadn’t been feeling all that great. In fact, today she’d actually gone home from the office, suffering from the worst cramps she’d ever had. She crawled into bed with a heating pad and slept most of the day away. She’d always had terrible periods, so she knew the drill.

When she woke up in the morning and the pain had gotten worse, she felt a momentary glimmer of concern. Something about this time felt different, but maybe she was just on edge about everything these days. At least, that’s what she told herself when she called her father and told him she was taking another sick day.

An hour later, there was a brisk knock on her door. Then a key turned in the lock before she could even think of stirring from bed, and her mother came in.

Susie immediately sat up. “Mom, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at school.”

“Your father called me. What’s going on?”

“Cramps. You know. It’s no big deal. Nothing to bring you racing over here.”

“Have you seen your doctor recently?” Jo inquired, worry creasing her brow.

“There’s no need. I had my annual checkup a few months ago. Everything’s fine.”

“How often have you had pain this severe?”

“It’s a little worse this time, but I’ve always been this way. Remember how often I had to stay home from school?”

“I thought you’d gotten over that long ago.”

“I guess when I started on birth control pills, it did get a little better,” she admitted.

“Are you still on them?” Jo asked matter-of-factly.

Susie blushed. “I haven’t had any reason to be. I took a break.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have, if they were helping. Let’s call your doctor and get you checked out.”

Susie felt too lousy to argue. “Fine. I’ll call and make an appointment.”

“It’ll take weeks to get in, unless you tell him it’s an emergency. Where’s your address book? Do you have the number in there? I’ll call.”

“Mom, it’s not an emergency. By tomorrow I’ll be perfectly fine.”

“I’ll feel better if a medical professional tells me that.”

Susie regarded her mother curiously. “Why are you so worked up about this?”

Jo sat down on the edge of the bed, her expression drawn. “I’ve never really felt any need to get into this with you, but it’s obviously time I did.”

Susie regarded her with concern. She sounded so somber. “Get into what?”

“After I had Luke, I had to have a hysterectomy. For years I’d had symptoms very much like yours. After Matthew the doctor suggested I have one, but I refused. Your father and I wanted more children, and the symptoms weren’t that bad. I looked at the research on hyperplasia—that’s what I had, some abnormal cells in my uterus—and was convinced I could afford to wait. But when Luke was born, it was worse. They couldn’t stop the bleeding. They found the abnormal cells had spread. There was no longer any choice.”

Susie stared at her mother in shock. “You had cancer?”

“I suppose you’d call it precancer. The abnormal cells hadn’t spread beyond the uterus, and with that gone, along with my ovaries, the prognosis was good. I didn’t even need chemotherapy or radiation. You were much too young to be aware that any of this was going on. Since then, I’ve never really seen the need to talk about it, but I don’t like what’s going on with you right now. I think you need to get checked out. Will you do this for me?”

Susie nodded at once. “Of course, but you’re worrying for no reason. I promise.”

Her mother squeezed her hand. “I’m counting on that.”

She made the call to the doctor’s office, waited while Susie dressed, then insisted on driving her to his office.

Alone in the examining room, Susie sat on the cold, hard table and told herself that she was here only to put her mom’s fears to rest. There was no reason to panic. She’d been dealing with the same symptoms for years, and they hadn’t meant anything. They were more of a nuisance than anything else.

When Dr. Kinnear came in, he gave her a warm smile. “Under the circumstances, I’m glad you came in.”

Susie managed a wan smile in return. “I had no idea until today that there was any family history to be concerned about.”

“I’m glad your mother finally filled you in. Better to be safe than sorry,” he said. “Now let’s do a quick examination and see where we are.”

Gynecological exams had never been at the top of Susie’s list of favorite things, but this one proved more uncomfortable than most. At one point she nearly yelped out loud in pain.

Dr. Kinnear glanced at her. “Tender there?”

She nodded.

He patted her knee. “Okay, then. That’s it for now, but I’d like to have you go in for another test.”

Susie regarded him with alarm. “You found something?”

“Maybe,” he hedged. “I can’t say with certainty without more tests. There’s no need to start worrying yet. An ultrasound will be more definitive.”

An ultrasound wouldn’t be so bad, Susie thought. “And then?”

“Perhaps a biopsy.”