The Calamity Janes: Lauren

That being the case, not even she could explain why she hadn’t made the decision to move back to Winding River, when it was apparently clear to everyone that Los Angeles no longer held the allure it once had.

She stood for a moment on the back steps at the Blackhawk ranch that had become her home away from home, listening to the low hum of conversation inside, breathing in the soft, spring air, staring up at the clear, star-studded sky. This was the only place on earth where she felt totally at peace. Over the last few months she had finally begun to find herself again. Now she just had to reconcile what she was discovering with the life she’d been leading for the last ten years.

She heard her name mentioned, along with an increasingly familiar refrain, and knew that any private soul-searching was over for now.

“I’m telling you, something is seriously wrong. Lauren isn’t happy. I know she wants to move back,” Karen said for what had to be the thousandth time. “We have to do something.”

Lauren sighed, knocked on the screen door, then entered without waiting for a response.

“Talking about me behind my back again?” she asked lightly as she pulled out a chair and joined them. “Or did you know I was just outside?”

“I’d say the same thing to your face,” Karen retorted, obviously not the least bit embarrassed at having been caught. “In fact, I’ve been saying it so often, even I’m tired of hearing it.”

“Then why not drop it?” Lauren asked, unable to keep the edge out of her voice. The well-meant pressure wasn’t helping her to make up her mind. If anything, it was complicating the decision, making her wonder in the wee hours of the night if she wanted to come home for herself or because it was what her friends wanted. Would she be running from something or to something?

“I won’t drop it, because you’re not happy,” Karen said, frowning at her. “And I don’t know why you won’t do something to fix it.”

Emma stared at Lauren over the rim of her coffee cup. “Is Karen right? Do you want to move back? We’ve all heard you making noises about it for months now. What’s the holdup? Stop second-guessing yourself. Just do it...if it’s what you really want.”

“You’re here half the time anyway,” Cassie pointed out. “Why not make it official?”

They were right, Lauren acknowledged silently. If it was what she wanted, what she’d been alluding to ever since their reunion, it was time to act. One by one, her friends had come back home to Winding River. They were happy here. They’d found something that had been missing from their lives. She envied them that more than she could say.

But what if she didn’t find the same kind of contentment? What if she was romanticizing all of this? What if she was imagining that she’d be happier living a normal life in Wyoming than she was being in the center of a glamorous whirlwind in Hollywood? What if she burned her bridges and came home...only to discover that she was just as miserable? What if the problem was something inside her and not her career at all? Was she ready to risk making such a terrible discovery about herself?

“Talk to us,” Gina nudged. “Why are you hesitating?”

“It’s a huge step,” Lauren said, hedging because she didn’t fully understand her hesitation herself.

Emma nodded. “Okay, but what are the risks? It’s not the money. Unless you’ve been extremely foolish, you should have enough stashed away to last a lifetime.”

“True,” Lauren agreed. Leave it to the ever-focused Emma to begin reducing the decision to a list of pros and cons.

“And you’re not that crazy about being recognized everywhere you go,” Cassie weighed in. “So it can’t be that you’ll miss that.”

“Absolutely not,” Lauren said fervently. She hated having strangers watching her every move, taking note of it, even reporting it to some tabloid.

“Is it the acting?” Karen asked. “I’ve always had the feeling that you don’t take it all that seriously, even though you do it well. Am I wrong? Do you think you’ll miss it?”

Lauren shook her head. “It’s not the acting. It’s fun, but it doesn’t really mean anything to me. I’m not driven to perform.”

“What about all the hunky men? Is that it?” Gina asked, grinning. “Goodness knows, we’d all miss hearing about them, but I’m willing to sacrifice all those titillating inside stories to have you home.”

Lauren shuddered. “It is definitely not the men. Been there, done that. I haven’t met a one who wasn’t totally self-absorbed.”

“What, then?” Emma asked. “Give us one reason why moving back here to be close to all of us wouldn’t be the smartest thing you’ve ever done?”

Cassie nudged Emma with an elbow. “Could be you hit it on the head,” she teased. “We’re all here to bug her to death until she finds someone and settles down like the rest of us. That could be annoying.”

“Us? Annoying?” Emma said with exaggerated shock.

Lauren grinned. “Yes, well, there is that. You are a bunch of know-it-alls.”

“We’ll make a vow,” Emma said, looking pious. “You can make all your own decisions. We’ll stay out of everything.”

“Like you’re staying out of this?” Lauren taunted.

“Well, after this,” Emma replied blithely. “We have a vested interest in your return. We want you nearby. Our kids want you nearby. You spoil them all shamelessly.”

Lauren had been on the verge of making the decision to move back to Winding River for a long time now. She’d practically made a nuisance of herself by dropping in to stay with Karen at the blink of an eye. For a while she’d been able to claim that she was helping Karen out after her husband had died, but in the weeks since Karen had married Grady Blackhawk and moved to his ranch, which was closer to Winding River than her first husband’s, Lauren had continued to visit. She hadn’t even felt the need to come up with a new excuse. She just kept appearing on Karen and Grady’s doorstep. She had an entire wardrobe stashed in their guest room.

Grady had been amazingly tolerant about it. Because he was so completely and totally smitten with his new wife, he was one of the few men whose jaw didn’t drop when he looked at Lauren. She liked that about him. He treated her like a worthwhile human being, not a means to an end. Emma’s husband, Ford, was the same way, as were Cassie’s Cole and Gina’s Rafe. It was nice to be around males who were real, who respected her mind, not just her looks.

Maybe that was part of the problem. She was comfortable as a guest in the Blackhawk home. If she moved back, she’d have to find her own place, build her own life, not live on the periphery of theirs. It was a scary prospect. What on earth would she do here if she came back? She had too much energy to simply retire, even though she could well afford to do so. And doing bookkeeping, which had been her ticket out of Winding River, would bore her to tears now.

Karen reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “It’s time, sweetie. Just bite the bullet and do it. You can stay right here with Grady and me for as long as you want. In fact, he’d love it if you helped out with the horses. The new wrangler he hired last week is fantastic, but Grady says nobody has your touch.”

“Are you serious?” Lauren asked, feeling a little surge of excitement in the pit of her stomach at the suggestion of a real job, especially one working with horses. “Grady said that?”

“Absolutely, and my husband does not toss compliments around lightly when it comes to his horses,” Karen said. “He’d hire you in a heartbeat.”

Lauren waved off the suggestion. “I don’t need your money. I just need to feel as if I’m making a contribution.”

“You would be,” Karen insisted.

“Sounds like an ideal situation to me,” Emma chimed in. “I could draw up a contract.”

She was already reaching for her ever-present legal pad, when Karen scowled at her. “Put that away. We don’t need a contract.”

“Of course not,” Lauren said. “Besides, this will be a trial run. If it doesn’t work out, it’s nobody’s loss.”

“I just thought if it was spelled out in black and white, everybody would understand what was expected,” Emma said defensively. Drawing scowls, she reluctantly put away the pad of paper.

“That’s because you think like the lawyer you are. Lauren understands, right?” Karen asked.

“Perfectly. I work with the horses in return for room and board. Sounds fair to me.”

Karen’s eyes lit up. “Then it’s a deal?”

Lauren gave the matter another moment of consideration, then nodded. This was precisely the reason she’d been hesitating over that new movie deal her agent had brought to her. She’d known in the pit of her stomach that something better was just around the corner.

“It’s a deal,” she told Karen. “I’ll be back as soon as I clear up some loose ends in Los Angeles. But I won’t hang out here forever. Tell Grady that the minute we decide if it’s working out, I’ll find my own place. I don’t want him to panic that I’m settling in forever.”

Before the words were out of her mouth, she was surrounded by her friends, all of them talking at once. Now that the decision had been made, for the first time in years Lauren felt she was exactly where she was supposed to be, doing exactly what she was meant to do.

* * *

Wade Owens took one look at the woman slipping through the corral fence and felt his heart slam to a stop. He told himself it wasn’t her perfect derriere that caused the reaction. Nor was it the auburn hair, caught up in a careless ponytail and gleaming like fire in the sunlight. It was the fact that she was creeping up on a stallion who didn’t take kindly to strangers. What was obviously a little adventure for this tenderfoot was destined for a very bad ending.