Show Her The Money

“I can’t say for sure since this is technically my first day, but based on how I grew up and the relationship we have, I’d say it’s going to be great sometimes, difficult sometimes and absolutely awful the rest of the time. I love Mom and I’m so proud of what she’s done with her life, but she’s very different from most moms. When I was four, she wanted to teach me to swim, and because she’s a big believer in just doing it, she tossed me in the deep end and shouted, ‘Swim!’”

“And you swam, I bet.”

Looking across the table at him, I realized he was a member of Mom’s Fan Club. Not that I thought that was a bad thing. It just made it harder for him to see, well, certain realities about my mother. “No, Ed, I didn’t swim. The lifeguard pulled me out and did mouth-to-mouth, then threatened to call the cops on Mom for child endangerment. I know you wanted me to say, yes, I swam, and all was well and Mom did the right thing by shoving her four-year-old into the deep end of the Midland Country Club pool. But all was not well, and I was too afraid of the water to go swimming again until I was twelve, when Brandy Hernandez had a pool party and invited Lucky Barnes. I was hot for him and didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I took lessons, but even now, I’m not real hip on bodies of water any bigger than my bathtub if I don’t have a flotation device.”

“You were hot for Lucky Barnes? The guy’s a loser.”

“Maybe now he’s a loser. In sixth grade, he was hot. Besides, he had a cool bike and listened to Def Leppard.”

“Did you go out with him?”

“Not a chance. He went with Brandy because she jumped in the pool and lost her top and he was wowed by her boobs.”

“He wasn’t wowed with yours, I take it.”

“Well, no, because I didn’t jump in and lose my top like Brandy did. That’s not to say he would’ve been wowed if I had lost it, because I was only twelve.”

“So was Brandy.”

“True. But she was obviously a wild child, losing her top like that, and Lucky being Lucky, he went for the wild thing.”

“You weren’t a wild child?”

“I had my moments, and I probably would have jumped in and lost my top and given old Brandy a run for the money, but I was too afraid of the water, so I just stood there and watched Lucky take her around the side of her house to make out where her parents wouldn’t see.”

“You wanna know what I think? I think Lucky was probably a lousy kisser and you’d have been disappointed.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I’ve seen the guy eat and it’s not pretty. He’s probably one of those wet kissers. You know, the slobbery kind.”

“Ed, how sensitive of you,” I said with a smile. “I bet you’re right. And he probably tried to cop a feel off Brandy.”

“No doubt about it.” He returned my smile, making his handsome face look good enough to eat. Or kiss. “So you see, your fear of the water turned out to be not such a bad thing. In a strange way, what your mom did turned out okay.”

My smiled died. “No wonder you’re an attorney. That was friggin’ amazing.”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t actually mean it as a compliment.”

His smile morphed into a grin. “I know.”

The man was just way too good-looking for comfort.

He stood and handed me his keys. “You can go on out to the car if you like. I’m going to stop off in the men’s room.”

A little bemused by him, I watched him walk away, then got to my feet and headed for the door. I was halfway there when the Marvel CFO walked in, followed by the COO and a guy who’s the corporate attorney, but looks more like a bald bodyguard in a pinstriped suit. Roy Kipper brought up the rear. He looked as awkward and uncomfortable as a nun in a whore-house, and when he caught sight of me, he turned bright red, all the way to the top of his bald head. He mumbled something about taking a leak and scurried off to the men’s room.

Panic set in. I wasn’t sure whether to ignore them, be polite and say hello and keep moving, or stop and speak like the friends we used to be.

In the end, what I wanted didn’t make any difference. The CFO, a tall, lanky guy named Larry Sparks, but whom everyone knows as Sparky, stepped in front of me before I could get to the door.

“Hello, Pink,” he said in a neutral voice.

“Hi, Sparky.” I nodded at the COO and the lawyer, then looked at Sparky, waiting for him to say something.

“Saw you on C-SPAN.”

I nodded again.

“Just curious, Pink, how does it feel to fuck a senator?”

Oh-ho, so that’s how it was gonna be. “Just curious, Sparky, how does it feel to be a greedy bastard, commit fraud and ruin thousands of people’s lives?”

Sparky took a threatening step closer, his nostrils flaring and his cheeks pink with either anger or too many of the martinis I could smell on his breath, which was hot on my face. “If you turn over that disk, you’ll be the one who ruins their lives.”

“I have no choice. Even you can see that.”

“We all have choices. You just seem to be inclined to make all the wrong ones.” His angular face formed into a dark frown. “Like sleeping with Santorelli.”

“If you believe everything in the news, then you must believe that you and Lowell Jaworski set up a plan to defraud the state of Texas out of millions of dollars of past oil and gas overrides.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Yeah, Sparky, just like I know it’s not true I sleep with a senator.” I caught his look of pure hatred before he schooled his features into mild dislike. I admit, it unnerved me and I decided I needed to leave. Immediately. “I have to go,” I said, stepping aside to move around him.

He stepped aside at the same time, blocking my way.

“Look, Sparky, you’re not going to intimidate me. No matter what you say or do, I’m handing that disk over to the finance committee.” With a firm grip on my nerves, I stepped aside again and made to walk out.

Again, he blocked my way. Then he went one worse and grabbed my arm. “Not so fast, sister. I just want to hear you explain how it is you never caught any discrepancies last year, or the year before that.”

“Get real,” I said, now thoroughly furious and disgusted. “You know I was promoted to senior manager in December, and this was my first year to head the Marvel audit. I didn’t have access to the memos and spreadsheets before this year.”

“Do you seriously expect anyone to believe you? Don’t you get it? By squealing to the feds, you’re digging your own grave. They’ll throw you in jail same as the rest of us.”

His hand on my arm tightened painfully and I flinched, wanting to kick him, knowing I couldn’t cause a scene. I cast about for some kind of a comeback, anything to make him let go of my arm. For once in my life, I was at a loss.

While the COO and the refrigerator-size attorney mumbled something from behind him, Sparky took advantage of my muteness. He leaned closer. “Here’s a little advice, for old time’s sake. Don’t hand that disk over, or something very, very bad will happen to you.”

Every hair on my head stood on end. I glanced down at his hand, still holding my arm in a bruising grip, and saw a white bandage. Mother of God! Was Sparky the Dog Doo Stalker? He didn’t seem the type, but he’d just threatened me, and his hand was wounded. Maybe from a gunshot?

Shocked and tongue-tied, beyond freaked, I was about to cry out and get someone’s attention when I heard Ed say, “I suggest you let go of my client before something even worse happens to you, Mr. Sparks.”

Looking as though he’d just awakened from a trance, Sparky’s eyes widened, he let go of my arm and stepped back. Jerking his head to his companions, he walked toward a table and they all took a seat, smiling and talking as though he hadn’t just been a major asshole.

Ed nudged me and I walked outside, sucking in the dry, hot air. I was more shaken than I wanted to admit. “Ed, his hand was bandaged. I think he’s the guy who grabbed me at Mabel’s.”