Stephen Fry in America

‘Stephen, it’s about six months.’

‘Good Lord. Any more and I suppose you’d all go mad?’

‘Actually, Stephen, the only consideration that limits how long we can be under way is the amount of food we can carry. We could stay out indefinitely if we could carry enough provisions.’

James and all the other submariners I speak to say that they cannot wait to be under way again. Aside from missing their families, they love it, life below the waves.

I can’t even console myself with the thought that it is because they are all short enough to nip about without banging their head every five minutes, for I meet an officer who is at least two inches taller than me.

‘What’s your greatest fear when you’re under way?’

James looks at me. ‘In a word, fire, Stephen.’

That was two words, but I let it go.

Fire Training

I say my goodbyes to the crew of the Springfield and am escorted to the fire-drill training centre on the base.

Fire is as great an enemy as the one a submarine crew may be tasked to hunt down. So much so that every submariner who goes to sea must take a fire-fighting course. I am to join a fire crew in the position of rookie submariner and be taught how to put out various different kinds of conflagration.

Once more I am made to look like ten types of doofus: all dressed up in hood, gloves, helmet, boiler suit and goggles, I loom and stagger about the place, a powerful hose in my hands, a liability to all.

Petty Officer McDade has been assigned the dread task of being my mentor for this drill. He recites to me, by heart, an explanation of the ‘Training Time Out’ or TTO which might be called at any time if there is an emergency:

‘A TTO may be called in any training situation when a student or instructor expresses concern for personal safety or need for clarification of procedures or requirements exists. TTO is also an appropriate means for a student experiencing undue pain, heat stress or other serious physical discomfort to obtain relief.’

Mm. Undue pain and heat stress, eh? I begin to sweat under my goggles.

‘TTO shall be called verbally and/or using the hand signal, a raised fist accompanied by a waving motion as necessary to attract attention. The exercise shall be stopped, the situation shall be examined …’

The idea is for me to rush into a replica of the submarine engine rooms which will be on fire. PO McDade will be in front of me and a guy called Ralph behind. Between us we will be carrying the hose.

‘Don’t kneel, make sure you sit on your haunches,’ says Ralph.

‘Oh. Why’s that?’

‘The radiation of heat to the metal deckplates could burn your knees.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘I will start,’ says McDade, ‘then, at a signal from me, you will take your right hand to the front of the hose …’

‘Which will be bucking like a bronco,’ adds Ralph, helpfully.

‘You will grab the pistol grip and we will swap places. I go to the back of the line, while you take over fire-fighting duties.’

‘I will be behind you supporting you to make sure you don’t fall over,’ says Ralph.

‘Which way is the pressure of the water likely to impel me, back or forward?’

‘Yes.’

My travels so far have already taught me that nature did not fashion Stephen Fry to serve in submarines, to race yachts, to hunt the wild lobster or to run for political office – to that list I can now confidently add ‘to fight fires’.

I have a feeling, however, as I leave Connecticut and point the taxi back north to the state of Vermont that something awaits me there that will suit me right down to my socks.

VERMONT (#ulink_f02ed9d2-ff9e-52e2-b4b1-a4b4a34589a9)

KEY FACTS

Abbreviation:

VT

Nickname:

The Green Mountain State

Capital:

Montpelier

Flower:

Red clover

Tree:

Sugar maple

Bird:

Hermit thrush

Motto:

Freedom and Unity

Well-known residents and natives:

Chester Arthur (21st President), Calvin Coolidge (30th), John Deere, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, Sinclair Lewis, Pearl S. Buck, Jamaica Kincaid, John Irving, David Mamet, Rudy Vallée, Elizabeth Perkins, William H. Macy, Felicity Huffman, M. Emmet Walsh, KT Tunstall.

VERMONT

‘Stephen, you created an ice-cream flavour. And it was good. Now you may rest.’

Vermont, Vermont, how beautiful you are.