It’s About Love

Leia nods. “Yeah. Exactly. It gives him clarity.”

“I like it,” says Noah, then he looks at me. “And what’s this theory then?”

I glance at Leia and clear my throat. “Time travel.”

Noah’s eyes widen and I feel my face smiling. “Time travel?”

“Kind of. Not backwards in time, that’s not possible, but he thinks he might have figured out a way to see into the future. Maybe.”

Leia cuts in. “We’re not sure yet. He’s like this super brain, but kind of a recluse. He finished his first degree when he was fourteen.”

“And he has these dreams,” I add.

I made the dreams bit up on the spot and look at Leia nervously, but she nods with wide eyes to let me know she’s cool with it and for some reason I feel the urge to hold her hand. I don’t, obviously. Then it’s the end of the lesson.

Noah stands up and scratches his chin like he’s thinking and I don’t want this to be over. Leia looks up at him. “What do you think?”

The pair of us watch him. He slides his hands into his pockets and I can see the muscles in his upper arms through his thin cream shirt.

“I think it’s brilliant.”

And I laugh, out of nowhere, like a fat HA!

What was that? I feel myself shrug, but it’s all right because Leia’s beaming. Then Noah says, “I think you’ve got something here. Something to run with. Well done. Keep working on it together, yeah? You’re obviously a great team.” And I feel myself straightening up in my chair.

“We will,” says Leia.

I start to pack my bag and I’m glowing, like I just won a race.

Then Simeon is standing in front of our desk. “How lame was that?” he says, and my glow flicks off, like the bulb just popped.

Simeon’s rolling his eyes and pointing with his head towards Noah at the front of the class.

“What’s this guy’s thing for picturing people in the shower? What a perv.” He forces a laugh and I feel my shield coming up.

“Lame?” says Leia. “That was amazing! Wasn’t it, Luke?”

And even though it was, even though it was easily the best lesson I’ve ever had in my life, and even though she’s looking at me knowing that we just shared something that felt sort of magic, I just shrug.

“Dunno.” And I get up and leave.

Good lad. Keep it cold.

Sometimes I feel like I could turn myself inside out. Concentrate my mind, tense every muscle, and burst my skeleton out of my skin. One total action and then done. Let everything out and explode. Sometimes I feel like I could do that. Push the detonator and make a massive mess for other people to clean up.

But whenever I think it, the voice in my head tells me I’m all talk.

“What the hell was that?”

Leia’s walking after me as I head down the hill. I don’t turn around.

“Oi, wait up a second!” She moves round in front, facing me. I carry on. She walks backwards and it’s almost like we’re dancing.

“You’re in my way.”

She doesn’t move. “What’s wrong with you?”

And I think about the scene in Goodfellas, when Karen comes looking for Henry after he stands her up and she’s angry and shouting at him and his voiceover is describing the spark in her eyes.

Leia stops walking and I have to stop so I don’t walk into her. I look straight at her. “What do you want?”

“What do I want? We’re supposed to be working together!” I see three boys walking up the hill on the other side of the road. They’re looking at us.

“Stop shouting, man.”

And she instantly gets more angry. I can see her jaw tensing and her right eye is kind of twitching. “I don’t know what your problem is, but we’ve got work to do.”

“Why don’t you just work with Simeon?” And as I say it, I realise how pathetic I sound.

“What?”

“Forget it.” And I step around her and carry on to the underpass.

Leia skips after me. “What’s Simeon got to do with anything?”

And it’s like we’re in Hollyoaks or something, and I just want to press rewind and not open my mouth. Things go darker as we walk into the underpass and the strip lights make it feel even more like a staged scene.

“Luke. What’s the matter? What’s your problem with Simeon?” Her voice is soft and confused and I wanna hit myself. I want to bury my fist into my own face.

I shake my head. “I don’t give a shit about Simeon. I don’t even know Simeon. I don’t even know you.”

She’s looking right at me now, trying to work me out.

What’s she staring at?

“Forget it,” I say. I start walking away faster and feel the disappointment as Leia doesn’t try to keep up.

“So you don’t want to work together?” she calls after me. I turn back and she’s just standing there, wide shot, framed by the underpass entrance, looking at me and I hate the fact that she can’t just read inside my head. I’m an idiot. I know I am, but there’s something here. Between you and me. I’ve felt it. Just gimme a chance.

Why can’t she do that? Why can’t I say that? I want to. But instead I say:

“I’m gonna do my own idea. By myself.”

Then I turn and walk away.

(#ulink_6d095981-95cb-53ff-a105-94a3066ed613)

I used to watch the girl next door wash her BMX.