The Gift of a Child

And, true to her word, she didn’t utter a word.

Which was even more disturbing. He did not know this Jodi at all.

Jodi shivered in the chill night air. Wrapping her arms around her upper body, she tripped along beside Mitch.

Engrossed in thought, he didn’t seem to realise she was still with him, which gave her a chance to study him uninterrupted. Every time they passed under a streetlight she saw the raw shock still in his face. And the serious bent of his gaze. The clenched jaw.

At least he wasn’t shucking Jamie off like a used coat. That had to be good. Mitch was the champion of avoidance when it came to getting close to someone. He knew all the moves to keep people at arm’s length. Even in the best times they had together she’d known she had no future with him, that eventually he’d be gone.

That had made it a little easier to toss him out. Only a very little. The weeks and months following that disastrous day had been hard. Learning she was pregnant had added to her grief, but hadn’t broken her resolve to stay away from him after the conversation she’d overheard between him and his twin.

‘Here, put this on.’ Mitch shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her.

‘Th-thanks. Wh-what about y-you?’ Her teeth hurt as they chattered from the cold.

‘I’ll be fine.’

The jacket came down to her knees and she could’ve wrapped it around herself twice. ‘A-anything y-you want to ask m-me?’

‘What field did you finally qualify in? Paediatrics or general practice?’

Okay, not about Jamie, then. ‘I opted for general practice when I learned I was pregnant.’

‘Why?’

As warmth seeped into her chilled muscles she concentrated on telling him what he wanted to know. ‘I didn’t like the idea of the horrendous hours that working in a hospital entailed. I wanted to be home at the end of the day for my child. Turned out it was a good move. Since Jamie became ill I’ve only worked part time.’ Very part time, some weeks.

‘Do you like being a GP?’

Still avoiding the real issue. She sighed. Maybe this was the way to the heart of the matter, giving him time to assimilate everything. ‘I love it. I see the same people regularly, get to know their families, watch the children growing.’ Her words dwindled away as she thought of Jamie and how he didn’t seem to grow at all these days. How a good day for him was one without pain or not being admitted to hospital.

‘Yeah, I can see you fitting right in there. You always could empathise with people as easily as breathing.’

Whereas he’d never enjoy spending his days working with the same people, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, having them believe they had a connection with him beyond a fifteen-minute consultation. But she took the compliment, held it in her heart; a small warmth in an otherwise frosty situation. ‘You obviously still love the adrenalin rush of emergency medicine, though the hours seem to have taken their toll if that little snooze I witnessed is anything to go by.’

His elbows dug into his sides briefly. ‘Caught. But in defence I’ve been working for ten days straight. And before you say it, I haven’t changed in that respect. I do love the rush and drama of ED.’

Had he changed at all? In what ways? She hadn’t noticed anything different yet. ‘What about being HOD? More paperwork, less action, surely?’ Definitely not his forte.

‘Not in my department. Head of Department isn’t a job to be turned on and off. The paper stuff gets done when it gets done, which lands me in hot water too often. Tough. The patients come first. The work’s demanding and absorbing. How many people can say they get a buzz out of their job every single day? Do you?’

No, sometimes she was so tired after sitting up all night with Jamie it took everything she had to even turn up. ‘I used to love the buzz when I was training in hospital too, but I never let it take over my whole life.’ Ouch. Snippy. Settle down. Antagonising the guy wouldn’t win her any favours. ‘Sorry.’

Mitch stopped and took her elbow to turn her. Looking down into her eyes, he smiled tiredly. ‘I guess we’ve got a few bones to pick over. But maybe not tonight, eh?’

Staring through the half-light, she could see how confused, lost even, he looked. Yet his hand on her elbow was reassuring. Standing here with Mitch, something she’d never thought she’d do again, a sense of homecoming washed over her. The strength she’d loved in him, the gentleness, the caring. She’d missed all that and more.

They might never become real friends, might always bicker and try to avoid each other, but he knew about Jamie now. So nothing would ever be the same for her again, ever be as bad as the last lonely, heartbreaking three years had been. Mitch was back in her life, no matter how tentatively. As if he’d ever truly left. Reaching up, she palmed his bristly chin for an instant. ‘You’re right. Not tonight.’

In silence they continued along the footpath, dodging Saturday night revellers outside The Shed, a bar that appeared to be very popular. After half an hour they started back towards the hospital and her car. With growing exasperation Jodi waited for Mitch to ask her something, anything, about Jamie. Surely his head was full of questions? Didn’t he want to know what Jamie’s favourite food was? What toys he loved to play with? Did he take after his father or his mother in temperament?

Mitch would’ve seen from the photo how physically alike he and his son were. That had been hard at times. There had been days she’d looked at Jamie and cried for Mitch. Not only to be with her, supporting her, sharing the agony of watching her boy getting sicker and sicker, but because she’d missed him so much.

There’d been times when she’d seen Mitch in her son’s face and had wanted to charge up to Auckland to tear him apart, to rant and yell at him for being so neglectful of her that she hadn’t been able to tell him about his child.

But now the silence hung between them and she didn’t know how to break it without upsetting him and she’d already done that in bucketloads tonight. But surely he wanted to know about Jamie’s illness and what lay ahead?

They reached the car park and she thought Mitch was going to walk away from her without another word. Anger rolled through her. That wasn’t going to happen. ‘Mitchell, you can’t avoid this one.’

His jaw jutted out, his eyes flashed as angrily as hers must be doing. ‘Where is Jamie? Did you bring him to Auckland with you?’

What? ‘Like I’d leave my seriously ill child behind while I came up here? Who do you think I am? I’m a very responsible mother, and you’d better believe that.’ The words fired out at him and there were plenty more coming, except he put a finger to her lips.

‘Hey, stop it. You wanted questions yet when I ask one you take my head off.’ Those blue eyes were so reasonable it infuriated her.

She took a deep breath, stamped on her temper and tried for calmness. ‘This hasn’t been easy, coming to see you.’

‘I’m sure it hasn’t, but that’s also kind of sad. I’d have thought we were better than that.’ His gaze remained steady. ‘So where is this lad?’

‘With Mum in a motel down the road at Greenlane.’ She named the motel and reluctantly smiled when he whistled.

‘That’s a bit trashy, isn’t it?’

‘Money’s tight. And before you say anything, that’s not a hint. I hope to find a small flat in the next few days. The hospital did offer to put us up in one of those homes they provide for families with sick children but I don’t think I can cope with living with other people, strangers, right now.’

Mitch studied his feet for so long she wondered if he’d fallen asleep standing upright.

‘Mitch?’

He didn’t look up. ‘I’d like to see him.’

Yes. Her hands clenched. Yes, yes. Fantastic. ‘Any time you like. We can go there now. The motel’s only ten minutes away.’

Lifting his head he drilled her with his gaze. ‘Whoa, slow down. Tomorrow will be fine. Let’s leave Jamie to his sleep tonight.’

Mitch was right. But wait until tomorrow and he might change his mind. All those hours to come up with reasons not to see his son. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes.’ Then, ‘What’s your plan for seeing specialists?’

‘We’ve got an appointment with a renal specialist on Monday morning. Lucas Harrington. Know him?’

‘Yes, a little. An American who moved here with his Kiwi wife a year ago. He’s about the best you can get anywhere.’

‘That’s what I’ve been told. I also researched him on the internet and liked what I saw. He’s written some interesting papers.’ But could he save her boy?

‘What time on Monday?’

‘Huh?’