Her New Year Baby Surprise

That was what she was afraid of. ‘Don’t feel bad if you want to bolt while you can,’ she told Nixon as she clambered to her feet.

‘I’ve had a glimpse of what’s for dessert and I’m staying.’ His smile was soft and enveloped her in hope and a longing for what she’d sworn off. A good sleep and she’d be back on track, no left-field ideas knocking her sideways.

Through the haze filling her skull she heard her father say, ‘In other words, he’s no coward, this friend of yours.’

Thanks, Dad.

At the moment, she needed reminding of that as much as her mum did. Especially while this longing for something—someone—squeezed her tight and forced the air from her lungs. ‘Goodnight everyone,’ she muttered as she headed down the hall, aiming for the bathroom, ignoring the tears pouring down her face.

Crying wasn’t a rarity for her. There’d been too many times when she’d not been able to stop in the past.

But not knowing why she was crying was new. And unsettling. All in all, it had been a huge day. Now she wanted it gone, finished, wrapped up and delivered, like the baby, and tomorrow’s sun coming up, bringing the beginning of the rest of her life.

CHAPTER THREE (#ue263b5ce-9f96-5a3b-b5f4-1adf84d907be)

‘GRACE’S FACE IS red but she’s pretty.’ Rosie bounced up and down in her car seat as much as the safety belts allowed while they headed to school for a special trip to see the llamas.

‘Isn’t she?’ Emma swallowed a yawn. There’d been little deep sleep last night, more a smattering of moments of not being aware and many long, agonising minutes of being fully alert and trying to ignore the emptiness in her heart. No, not in her heart because the baby would always be in her life one way or another. In her maternal soul, perhaps. She had carried the child and her body wasn’t ready to let her forget it. But she would—in the nicest possible way. During the pregnancy, she’d talked to other women around the country who’d been a mummy tummy and everyone had said they’d been able to move past this feeling within a few weeks. It’d continue to give her nudges but those would come less often as time passed. It seemed that women who were able to interact with the baby had better outcomes more quickly.

Her phone played ‘Jingle Bells’, and Rosie clapped her hands. ‘Santa’s coming to town. He’s bringing me presents.’

A glance at the screen. Nixon. Pulling over to the side of the road, she answered. ‘Hi.’ Why are you calling me? You don’t usually get in touch outside work. ‘You got home all right after the inquisition?’

Maybe he was phoning to demand compensation.

A deep-bellied laugh rumbled into her ear, and sent waves of warmth—make that heat—to her toes and tummy. No, couldn’t be. This was Nixon, Mr Super Avoidance. And she was Ms Super Avoidance. Concentrate. Nixon’s talking.

‘Checking how you are this morning.’

‘Doing good.’

‘I hope you’re not rushing things. You’re officially on leave now.’

‘Thanks. Hopefully I’ll be up to light duties and part-time hours not too far away. I’ll get sick of my own company pretty damned soon I reckon.’ Through sheer determination, her body would handle returning to the department more easily than her head and heart.

His boss voice switched off. ‘Where are you now?’

Did it matter? Nixon didn’t usually want to know what she did in her own time. It wasn’t as though she was leading an exciting double life. No, she was a single mother of a loud and boisterous five-year-old, nothing more. Or less. But it was kind of nice he cared. ‘I’m dropping Rosie at school to go on a short trip to see llamas.’

‘On a Saturday?’

‘It was meant to be last Wednesday but weather wrecked the plans. The kids were so disappointed the trip is happening today with some parents going along as help. I’m sure they’re going to hear all about the new baby.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

‘Had to happen. It’s not as though people didn’t know I was pregnant with Abbie’s baby. Though there is the sister factor to work out. Are these girls sisters or not? Abbie and I reckon they are.’ They’d sort it but not today. Today she couldn’t make Rosie’s toast without burning it, twice.

‘Rosie’s a bit young to understand any of that,’ Nixon surmised.

‘Bang on.’ He wasn’t having any trouble with straight thinking, so she couldn’t blame the hot weather for the mess in her head. ‘Rosie met Grace and had a cuddle as soon as Daniel dropped us off this morning. There was no stopping the little minx from racing straight inside where Abbie was happy to oblige.’ Emma released a tired giggle. ‘You’ll never believe who else was visiting, looking like he’d already received his Christmas present. Callum.’ The speed at which Abbie’s life had turned around was mindboggling. And wonderful. ‘He’s proposed, and Abbie’s accepted.’ Lucky girl. What a day she’d had yesterday. ‘Everything’s coming together for her at last.’ Her sigh was not filled with envy. Okay, maybe a teeny bit.

‘Fantastic news. They’re meant for each other.’

‘They are. Callum’s besotted with Grace. Anyone would think she was his and he’d done all the hard yards.’

‘We blokes are like that.’ Then Nixon dropped a surprise. ‘Are you going to be home around lunchtime? Thought I’d call by, check out my nurse and make sure she’s getting back on her feet.’

‘I was never off them.’ Not true. There’d been hours lying and panting and pushing, but she knew what he meant. He’d said my nurse. Disappointment slowed her heart. Which was plain dumb. She was one of his staff. Just because he’d driven her home—probably because she worked with him—and stayed for a meal didn’t mean she could expect something else. Then again, he was coming to visit her. Why this sudden yearning for more? For more with Nixon? Then it hit her. Avoidance. By trying not to think too much about Grace her head was filling up with thoughts about Nixon. That was all there was to these ideas and longings. Might be better to let Grace, and the sense of loss that snuck up on her when she wasn’t looking, get in so she could deal with it and move on, no Nixon thoughts in sight.

‘Hello?’

Where was she? Apart from parked outside the youth hostel. Nixon, and something about lunchtime and a visit. ‘I’m here.’

‘Say no if it’s inconvenient.’ He paused, then seemed to be drawing a big breath. What was coming? ‘I’ve still got a shoulder available if you need one.’

Tears pricked her eyelids. How about right now? ‘Th-thanks.’

‘And a box of tissues,’ he said in a low voice as if he really needed her to know he was still there for her now that the pregnancy was over.

‘I’ve got to see the midwife at ten but should be home by midday. I’ll fix us something to eat.’ She would?

Relief underlined his next question. ‘Your appetite’s back?’

‘With a vengeance. Think I had emotion overload last night.’ And just like that, the tears spurted down her cheeks. A vision of Grace filled her head, held by a glowing Abbie, Callum watching on in awe. Picture perfect. Lots of love in the air when she and Rosie had dropped into Abbie’s apartment. Really beautiful. Sniff. Her boobs hurt. Her heart was heavy. ‘Got to go. See you later.’

‘Emma, wait. Are you sure you’re all right?’ Nixon’s concern spilled from the phone.

‘Just having a moment. A good one.’ Liar. ‘Promise. Bye.’ Bigger liar. She tapped ‘off’ before he could ask any more telling questions. ‘Right, missy, let’s get you to school.’ She pulled out into the traffic, wiping the back of her hand across her cheeks. Rosie didn’t need to see her mother’s meltdown when she got out of the car.

‘Mrs Watson showed us how to draw a cat yesterday. Can I have a cat, Mummy?’

Last week it’d been a puppy. ‘No, darling, we’re not having any pets.’ So Nixon was leaving work during the day to drop by her place. He wasn’t walking away from their friendship now that she no longer feared not being able to hand the baby over. Cool. She didn’t want him gone out of her life. She loved hearing him laugh, the way he talked with his hands, how his eyes widened when he got all thoughtful, those long legs. Ouch. Friends, remember? Yeah, but seeing Abbie so happy she was fast moving on and wanting more in her life.

‘But I want a cat. Why can’t I?’

Reality moment. Talking about a pet was what was important right now. Why couldn’t they have a cat? It would be good for Rosie and less work than a dog. ‘We’ll talk about it another day. Here’s school.’ She swung into a park outside the main gate.

‘Mummy, there’s Colleen,’ Rosie shrieked. Her finger was jabbing the window in the direction of the gathering of excited kids.

Colleen and Rosie had become inseparable since starting school, and Emma hoped her daughter had found her Abbie.

Undoing Rosie’s seat belt, Emma lifted her out of the car seat and handed over her bag. ‘There you go, young lady. Does Mummy get a kiss first?’

‘Yes, but hurry. I have to see Colleen.’

Blasted tears threatened again. Crouching down, she wrapped her arms around Rosie. ‘Love you, darling. Have a good morning.’

‘Mummy, hurry up. I want to tell Colleen about the baby.’