The Hidden Years

Cassidy needed him, and he could no more ignore her pain than he could ignore a crying baby back in the orphanage. He sat on the sofa and wrapped an afghan around her. Cradling her head on his chest, he tried to warm her with his body heat, and the entire time he wondered how many sleepless nights this would cost him. Still, he’d gladly pay the price of turning and tossing for a year, if that was what it took to give her back her sense of safety.

“No more.” She shivered, and when he kept the ice pressed to her face, she pushed it away.

“Ice will keep the swelling down. You don’t want to mar that perfect complexion. Just bear the cold a little longer. You’re strong. You can do that, Sunshine. Just a little longer, okay?”

He spoke soothingly, but she never relaxed, and her trembling frightened him. Maybe he shouldn’t have moved her. She might be injured more badly than he’d thought.

Where the hell was that ambulance?

THE COPS SHOWED UP entirely too soon for Cassidy. She would have been content just to stay on Jake’s lap, rest her head against his chest and let the security of his strong arms banish the horror of her ordeal.

Never before had she suffered pain that intense. Never before had she suffered such fear. Never before had she faced her mortality on such intimate terms.

She’d thought she was going to die, not in some indeterminable time in the future, but today. Although she’d never resigned herself to dying, she’d had no hope. She hadn’t thought just of the past, of opportunities lost and old regrets, but of all the things she’d never experience. She’d hoped to fall in love. Have children. Grandchildren. And her future could have been taken from her, and she had no idea why.

Then, somehow, Jake had rescued her, and now she wanted to enjoy each priceless moment. Each breath seemed a gift, each caress of his fingers through her hair precious. And the future was once again filled with wondrous possibilities.

“Thank you for saving my life.”

“I was happy to do it, Sunshine. I just wish I’d caught the bastard.”

Thanking Jake wasn’t enough. He’d given her the invaluable gift of time, and she wanted him to understand. She could hear the police coming down her street, but she wanted Jake to know how she felt before they arrived.

“Have you ever been sick?”

“Not often,” Jake admitted, “but a few times.”

Pleased that he didn’t seem disturbed by her strange choice of topic, she continued, “Remember all the things you missed? How food didn’t taste good? How you didn’t feel up to a walk on the beach or making a momentous decision?” She tilted her head back and gazed into his warm amber eyes. “Remember how good it felt to get well again? To move with energy and determination, to laugh?”

As if he couldn’t forget what had almost happened to her, Jake looked down at her without smiling. “The newness and wonder of feeling healthy again never lasts. We soon forget and go on as before.”

“Exactly.”

Jake had always been quick to catch on to the threads of her thoughts and weave them together into meaningful ideas.

“I don’t ever want to forget how precious life is,” she said. “I don’t want to waste another minute.”

Jake cocked an arrogant eyebrow and his sexy mouth curved upward in amusement. “You always did live for today, Sunshine.”

“There have been lost opportunities.”

“Is that so?” he murmured, his voice purring like a cat in her ear.

“Things I did and things I didn’t.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve always wanted to travel and I never had the time.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Tahiti, Europe, the Far East.”

“What else?”

“I want children. I want to leave this world knowing I changed it somehow.”

“You still have time for kids.”

“Thanks to you.” But she’d never found the right time and the right man to have those kids with. She hesitated to say more, but then decided to tell him the rest. She wasn’t sure why she wanted to tell him, but after almost dying, the world seemed bright and clean, and she wanted to start over with a fresh slate. And maybe, just maybe, she was testing him, to see his reaction.

“And I regret that we didn’t keep in touch. I’ve missed you.” She said the words in an impulsive burst of emotion before she could change her mind. As Jake’s tender expression turned to stone, his eyes shadowed with thoughts she couldn’t read, she shrugged away the hurt she felt when he didn’t say, I missed you, too.

Knowing Jake had trouble voicing sentimental feelings, she made peace with his silence, placed her cheek against his chest, took comfort in the strong beat of his heart. But she couldn’t regret her boldness. She felt a rapport with Jake that hadn’t diminished over time. Telling Jake her thoughts and feelings had always been easy. That she’d returned to Florida without bothering to renew their friendship had been a mistake. A mistake she intended to rectify if Jake would let her. She was no longer an innocent eighteen-year-old who needed to follow her childhood dream, but a grown woman who’d achieved her goals and could now make her own choices.

Yet, with her outspoken revelation, the closeness between them ended. The air of intimacy vanished.

Jake had withdrawn from her. He might still be holding her on his lap, but his fingers no longer combed through her hair. He no longer curled his arms protectively around her. A stillness surrounded him, practically encasing him in ice.

But it was the emotional distance that had grown as vast as the Gulf of Mexico. Jake had a way of closing off the world, closing off his emotions, from others, from her, maybe even from himself.

“This is Officer Silvero. Everyone okay in there?” a man called out.

Jake’s gestures were gentle, yet more efficient than tender, as he lifted her off his lap and placed her beside him on the sofa. Then, back straight, shoulders squared, he stood to greet the cop. “We’re in the den and all right.”

By the time the police officer entered the room, Jake had his detective identification out of his pocket. Cassidy watched him shake hands with a young earnest-looking officer who couldn’t be much older than twenty, and she heard Jake murmur, “Go easy on her.” Then Jake leaned forward and whispered something she couldn’t hear in the cop’s ear.

“I may be in shock, but I can answer your questions, Officer,” Cassidy said. She knew Jake was probably trying to protect her, but she preferred knowing the facts, no matter how bad a picture those facts painted. She’d never believed in hiding from the truth or letting others take on her problems, and was slightly annoyed with Jake for attempting to do so, even if she did understand his motives.

“I’m Silvero. My partner, Jonesy, is looking around out back. Would you prefer to speak with a female officer, ma’am?”

Cassidy shook her head and regretted it as her skull throbbed. “I wasn’t raped. But I won’t be able to help much, since I can’t identify the man who…”

She stopped and realized this was going to be harder to retell than she’d anticipated. As she’d spoken, images rose to haunt her. Helplessness at being tied. Fear that she had no idea what the man wanted from her. Horror that she would most likely die after a short period of intense suffering. The telling would make her relive the incident—one she badly wanted to forget.

Always sensitive, Jake seemed to understand her difficulty. He leaned close, but didn’t touch her. Instead, he used the soothing tone that had calmed her before. “There’s no rush, Sunshine. You can wait until tomorrow.”

Silvero took out a pad of paper. “Now would be better, sir. She may forget something important by tomorrow.”

“I won’t forget,” Cassidy said, and then looked at Jake, who clearly stood ready to protect her. “And I’d like to get this over with.”

But the ambulance had finally arrived. Cassidy insisted she didn’t need to go to the hospital, and after checking her pulse and her pupils, the medic agreed. “Don’t drink any alcohol for twenty-four hours. If you feel dizzy, have someone take you to the hospital or call 911.

After the medics left, Cassidy quickly told the officer her story, but this time she was detached, pushing her emotions aside. A trick she’d learned when she’d been in law school and had dealt with some unpleasant cases.

She summed up the horrifying incident by sticking to the facts and squashing her emotions in the back of her mind. The effort sapped her energy, and she’d never felt so tired, as though all her muscles had gone to sleep, but she continued through to the end.

“You never saw the intruder?” Silvero asked again when she’d finished.