Home Truths

She no longer had the computer desk he’d refashioned from an old escritoire for her to work at; after she’d uploaded photos of it to Depop it had sold right away for fifty pounds. The small collection of perfume bottles that her mum had started her off with when she was six had sold for eighty-five pounds, and the vintage-style doll’s pram Granny Watts had given her when she was four had sold for thirty-two pounds. It was amazing what people would buy, for most of her jewellery had gone – not the silver christening bangle, or her nine-carat-gold watch or the tiny diamond chip set in a signet ring that was supposed to be a family heirloom, her mum would have had a meltdown if she tried to sell any of that. It was the ordinary stuff from Zara and Next and Topshop that had gone, along with at least half of her old dolls and teddies, most of her books, her play shop, her Micro Sprite scooter and the bike she’d long since outgrown but had been planning to keep along with the vintage pram, in case she had a little girl one day who might like them.

Now, as she uploaded yet more photos of clothes that had hardly been worn and even still fitted, along with a well-thumbed set of Winnie the Pooh books Auntie Em had bought her one Christmas, she was thinking about the way her mum had winked at her earlier, and how much it had reminded her of her dad. She loved it when her mum did that, but at the same time it seemed to dig right down in her chest to remind her of how much she missed him. Sometimes, to get herself past the worst parts of it, she’d talk to him, inside her head, as if he was still there and able to answer. She asked him to tell her what to do to help Mum, or if he was upset that she’d sold the desk, or what she should upload next; she even asked if he knew where Liam was.

Do you blame Liam, Dad? Can you see him now? What is he doing? Do you want us to find him?

She didn’t always hear him as well as she’d like to, and even when she did she thought she might be making it up, but occasionally she found herself slipping back in time to one of the chats they’d had when she was small, some that she actually remembered, others that she didn’t, but they’d made him laugh so much when he’d told her about them later that she’d wanted to hear about them again and again, just because he seemed to love them – and her – so much.

‘Daddy?’ she said.

‘Mmm?’ he replied.

She gave a small sigh to let him know that she required his full attention.

Getting the message, he put down the screwdriver he was using to assemble her new wardrobe and turned to sit cross-legged on the floor facing her.

‘You know I’m five tomorrow?’ she said earnestly.

‘I do,’ he replied, matching her tone.

‘Well, when I have my party on Saturday, I hope you’re going to behave yourself. Only you don’t always, do you?’

He crumpled in shame. ‘I promise I’ll do my best,’ he said.

She frowned, not certain that was good enough. ‘I know,’ she declared, hitting on the answer. ‘I’ll ask Mummy to keep an eye on you.’

His mouth twitched like he was going to laugh, but he sounded serious as he said, ‘I think that’s a very good idea.’

She continued to sit where she was, hands folded together in her lap as she worked herself up to what else she needed to say. To her surprise he started to turn back to what he was doing. ‘I haven’t finished, Daddy,’ she told him bossily.

‘Oh, sorry. What else is it?’

‘Will Liam be coming to the party?’ she asked worriedly.

The light in his eyes seemed to dull as he sighed and pushed a hand through his dusty hair. ‘I don’t know, sweetheart,’ he replied. ‘Do you want him to?’

She didn’t want to say no, but she didn’t want to say yes either. ‘He might not be here,’ she said hopefully. ‘He goes out with his friends all the time.’

Grimly, Steve said, ‘I wouldn’t call them friends, exactly, but you’re right, he does go out a lot.’

‘Where does he go?’

With another sigh he gathered her on to his lap and wrapped his arms around her. ‘Things are a bit difficult for Liam at the moment,’ he said softly, ‘so we have to try and be patient and find ways to help him.’

‘Will it help him to come to my party?’

Squeezing her, he said, ‘I’m not sure, honey. It’s hard to know what to do, but we’ll find a way to make everything all right, don’t you worry.’

He wasn’t here to make things right any more, and it was horrible, so bad sometimes that she felt she was drowning in the need for him to pick her up in his strong arms and tell her it was all a bad dream. But he wasn’t going to do that, so she must try her best to help her mum the way she knew he’d want her to. The trouble was she would soon run out of things to sell online, so she needed to find another way to earn some money.

Any ideas yet? she messaged to her best friend Lois, who was helping her to find out what kind of jobs were possible for girls of thirteen. She was already doing some of her fellow students’ homework for two pounds a time, but apart from the fact that she was helping them to cheat, it wasn’t nearly enough to make a difference for her mum.

Lois’s reply came quickly. Still working on it, but will have info to share by tomorrow. #SAVINGGRACE.

CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_4d1629ba-57c7-5e62-8b27-38d37b3acf10)

Angie was sitting in the driver’s seat of her van, hands clutching the steering wheel, eyes fixed on the frosty green across the street where, back when they were a normal family, the children had played cricket against the adults in summer and roasted chestnuts and marshmallows over bonfires in winter.

She should start the engine, head off into the day, but she was having trouble making herself go through even the most familiar of motions this morning.

Grace and Zac had already left for school; Emma had taken them, and she, Angie, needed to get to work. She had to clean a restaurant in town for one of her neighbours first – she must text to say that she needed the cash asap – and then she had a meeting with one of Bridging the Gap’s main sponsors. Later she was planning to carry out a job search for a couple of the residents – any success she achieved on their behalf always gave her a lift, so she was actually looking forward to that. Then she’d go to the office to answer emails and make phone calls. All this would happen as it should if she could make herself go any further from the house than this.

It was the email she’d opened only minutes ago that was holding her in a paralysis of dread. It had been sent yesterday, but she hadn’t read it until after the children had left this morning, with Zac’s chirpy voice telling her he wanted a unicorn cake for his birthday.

Came by the house earlier today. Your van was there, but reckon you slipped out while I was looking for you round the back.

Mr Shalik wants to help you, Angie, so call me tomorrow.

It was from Agi, the thug, goon, muscle, whatever anyone wanted to call him that Roland Shalik used as his right-hand man.

A tap on the van window made her jump, breaking her so abruptly from the turmoil in her head that she almost gasped. She looked up at the face staring in, trying to process the reality of it. For a moment fear tricked her eyes into seeing a stranger, until she realized it was her neighbour, Melvin, who lived two doors down with his wife, Mandy, and their twin girls who were Zac’s age. He was clearly concerned, perplexed, as he circled a finger for her to lower the window.

She did so and as cold morning air swept into the van her lungs grasped it as though she’d been suffocating them. ‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘I was miles away.’ Melvin and his family hadn’t lived in Willow Close for long, and hadn’t gone out of their way to be friendly, just nodding good morning when they came out with the bins, or to get in the car. She understood that some people preferred to keep themselves to themselves, but she’d been surprised when they hadn’t joined in the carol-singing party that Grace and her friends had organized at the community centre before Christmas. Everyone else had taken part, bringing flasks of hot chocolate, mince pies and handmade ornaments to decorate the tree. Bob, from across the street, had asked Angie if she’d mind him being Santa this year, a role Steve had always played, and she’d told him she thought it was a lovely idea.

Steve would have wanted her to say that, and Bob would hopefully never know that it had almost broken her to go and watch someone else in her husband’s place.

‘Are you OK?’ Melvin asked. He looked awkward, apparently not wanting to get involved if there was a problem, but here he was anyway. ‘You’ve been sitting there for a while,’ he explained. ‘Are you having engine trouble? I’m about to go into town so I can give you a lift …?’

‘No, I’m fine, thanks,’ she assured him. ‘I was just … I …’ Her hand tightened around her phone. ‘I was waiting for someone to call, and didn’t want to drive …’ She stopped, the fear of a call silencing her. It hadn’t happened yet, but she knew it would, just as she knew she’d have to take it.

Melvin was watching her through the thick lenses of his dark-rimmed glasses, seeming to see past her excuse, all the way to … To what? Even she didn’t know the real reason she was sitting here like someone who had no idea how to drive, so there was no way he could.

‘OK, if you’re sure …’ He gestured behind him to his own car.

‘Sure,’ she insisted. She hadn’t realized until now that he was quite good-looking. She and Emma often likened men to movie stars, and she guessed Melvin-from-down-the-street could qualify, on a dark night at a good distance, as a bit of a Matt Damon. Smaller, thinner, kind of gaunt, but still managing to be attractive. He was more Emma’s type than hers.

‘I should be going,’ she said, starting the engine. ‘Hope you have a good day.’

As she drove away she glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw that he was walking back down the street. She wondered what his story was, why he and his family were so aloof, although he’d seemed fairly neighbourly just then.

By the time she’d cleaned the restaurant, and met with the sponsor who’d willingly committed for another year, she’d forgotten all about Melvin, had even managed to push Liam out of her mind for the time being. Now, having completed an hour at the office, she was picking her way through the ruts and puddles of a building site on the outer edge of town, heading for the portacabins tucked in against the hillside like metal mushrooms.

She hadn’t received the dreaded phone call yet, nor had she responded to Agi’s email, although she was ready to admit that she couldn’t go on avoiding him. The trouble was she still didn’t know how to deal with the mess she was in, what her next step should be to avoid sinking her and her family completely.

A burning prickle of fear coasted down her spine.

As she approached the first portacabin a tall, muscular man in a hard hat and hi-vis jacket came out in a hurry, and almost collided with her at the foot of the steps.

‘Christ, I’m sorry,’ he apologized, reaching out to steady her. ‘I didn’t see you. Are you OK?’