The Original Sinners: The Red Years

Søren and Nora led as Zach followed closely behind. They went back down the elevator and across the pit where the play had grown louder as more Circle denizens had joined in. Zach expected Søren to leave them at the elevator, but the priest entered it with them, taking a key and inserting it under the down button. The doors closed and the elevator ascended. The door opened onto the first entry hallway and Zach stepped out.

“Excuse us, Zachary,” Søren said, still inside the elevator. “I need another word with Eleanor.”

Søren flicked his wrist and the doors closed once more leaving Zach alone in the empty hall.

* * *

“Søren, let me out,” Nora demanded. “Zach and I want to get home.”

“He can wait. We have things to discuss.”

“We have nothing to discuss.”

“Not even Michael?”

Nora sighed. There was no point in fighting Søren.

“Yes, of course. Michael was lovely. Thank you very much.”

“You are certainly welcome. I take it Michael is no longer a virgin?”

“No, of course not.”

Søren nodded. “How funny.”

“What is?” Nora said, exasperated.

“Tonight you took the virginity of a boy you’ve never met…and yet you still think you can keep Wesley safe from you.”

“It’s different. Michael’s obviously one of us. Wes is vanilla. Michael’s a sub. Michael was born—”

“Michael was born fifteen years ago.”

Nora could only gape at him.

“You gave me an underage boy for our anniversary?” she breathed in shock.

Søren smiled and moved closer to her. She backed into the farthest corner of the elevator.

“Yes, I did.” He stroked her face with the back of his hand. “Which you would have known had you asked. But I knew you wouldn’t ask. And so tell me again how safe Wesley is with you.”

“You bastard.” She tried to turn her face away from his hand but she had nowhere to go. “God, you’ll do anything to make a point, won’t you?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t for that reason alone. I had to give him some incentive to stay alive.”

“And I was the incentive?”

Søren brushed her hair with the back of his hand. “You have kept me alive all these years.”

Nora shook her head, moved away from his hand.

“I will do whatever I can to protect you even if I’m only protecting you from yourself. You are a creature of appetite. You take what you desire without thought or remorse. And that is how God created you and it is much of why I love you. But do not stand there and claim to be otherwise. Not with me. I know you. You must make a choice, little one—bring Wesley into this world with you or let him go.”

“I won’t do either. And he stays with me for as long as he wants to.”

Søren stared her down with a look of pure skepticism.

“Fine,” she said. “I admit it. I can’t be trusted with him. But it doesn’t matter because he can be trusted with me.”

“Wesley…you don’t even know him. The things he has kept from you—”

“Wes is perfect the way he is. I don’t care if he has secrets. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. I won’t ask him to change.”

Søren turned away from her.

“Of course you won’t. God forbid you allow anyone to make any kind of sacrifice for you. Because if Wesley changed for you, then you would be indebted to him. And you won’t allow that. You are so in love with your own profligate freedom that you refuse to even be grateful to another person lest you be weighed down by the smallest shred of guilt or obligation.” Søren faced her again. “Your obsession with your own liberty is why Wesley is still a virgin and I am still a priest.”

Nora raised her hands to her face. “Don’t bring that up. Please.”

“I offered to leave the priesthood for you and instead you left me.”

“You never wanted to leave,” Nora said, facing him angrily. “You just wanted to keep me any way you could. I couldn’t let you give up your life for me.”

Nora tried to pull away as Søren reached out for her hands. But his grip proved too strong. He moved her hands away from her face and looked at her.

“You are now and always my life.” His voice was so soft and true that she couldn’t even look back at him.

“You love being a priest. The priesthood is a sacrament. You can’t quit it. It’s who you are.”

“Yes, I love it. Yes, it’s who I am. And yes, I was willing to give it up so we could be together. But you couldn’t allow that.”

“I still won’t. And I won’t turn Wes into something he doesn’t want to be, either. You say it’s because I refuse to be indebted to anyone. I say it’s because I won’t let you two fuck up your lives for me.”

“And we have no say in this?”

Nora finally found the courage to meet his eyes. Even after five years, no, eighteen years, she still couldn’t look at his face without falling in love with him even more. Time sharpened the edge of her love for him. It cut into her more and more with each passing year.

“No,” she said. “You don’t. And neither does Wes. Whatever he wants to do or be, that’s his decision. I don’t own him. And you don’t own me.”

Søren rose to his full height. What charity had been in his eyes was now gone. He put his hand on the elevator key but did not turn it.

“I have seen both hell and purgatory. I assure you, purgatory is the more fearsome punishment.”

“I can be me and be with Wes, too. I don’t have to choose.”

“You will eventually. You will have to choose between this life or the one Wesley promises. You think because you’re a Switch in the bedroom, you can be a Switch in all aspects of your life. You will have to decide one day if you’re a professional writer, or just a professional who writes. And whatever you decide, you must tell Zachary who you really are. If you care about him at all, he must know.”

Nora growled. Søren was merciless tonight.