One Summer’s Afternoon: A perfect summer treat!

‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost, mate,’ added Gabe Baxter.

‘I was just talking to Danny,’ said Will gloomily. Danny Jenner was The Fox’s landlord and a Fittlescombe institution. With the honourable exceptions of Graham the barber and Mrs Martel the chemist, Danny Jenner was the biggest gossip in the Swell Valley. ‘You won’t believe who Brockhurst have brought in at the last moment.’

Five beer glasses thudded down on the table simultaneously.

‘Who?’ the men asked in unison.

‘Only Santiago de la bloody Cruz,’ said Will, putting his head in his hands. ‘Can you believe it?’

They couldn’t. Santiago de la Cruz was a world-famous name in cricket, and for all the wrong reasons. Preposterously handsome, with olive skin, hair as glossy and blue-black as a raven’s, and a proud aquiline nose that gave him a predatory air, Santiago had been born to an Argentine mother and English father. Raised in Buenos Aires, Santiago was at least as well known for his advertising contracts and playboy antics as he was for his prowess as a fast bowler. Argentina not being a Test-cricketing nation, de la Cruz had transplanted himself to England, where he’d promptly been snapped up to play for the Sussex county team. Not since Imran Khan’s captaincy had cricket in Sussex had such a high profile. Ticket sales had gone through the roof, with a huge surge in female fans flocking to the stands at Hove to catch a glimpse of their idol, with his soulful eyes, so dark they were almost black, and his sensual mouth, set in a semi-permanent expression of sardonic amusement. It was well known that Santiago had ambitions to play for England, although, at thirty-one and without an international cap to his name, that looked like a long shot. In the meantime, however, he already made more in sponsorship deals than international stars like Freddie Flintoff and Kevin Pietersen, thanks to his good looks and media savvy alone.

‘Are you sure?’ asked Timothy Wright. ‘I think Danny must have been pulling your leg. The rules are quite clear: all players for both teams must live in their respective villages. Santiago de la Cruz doesn’t live in Brockhurst. He lives in Brighton.’

‘Not any more, he doesn’t,’ said Will. ‘He’s rented that thatched place on Woodbury Lane. Moved in yesterday, apparently, on a one-year lease.’

‘That’s outrageous!’ said Gabe.

‘Shipping in professionals like that – it’s bloody cheating is what it is,’ agreed Dylan.

‘It’s not cheating,’ Will said reasonably. ‘They don’t have to confirm their final line-up till Wednesday.’

‘It’s completely against the spirit of the thing,’ chipped in Timothy Wright. ‘Typical bloody Brockhurst.’

Will shrugged. ‘Whatever. He’s here, he’s playing and he’s opening the bowling for Brockhurst on Saturday. Charlie Kingham was overheard at the Black Swan last night, boasting about it. Apparently, the landlord over there’s running a book on how many overs it’ll take de la Cruz to take my wicket.’

‘Are they, now?’ As captain, George Blythe felt the onus was on him to defend Will’s reputation, and by extension Fittlescombe’s chances. ‘Well, don’t you worry about it, William. Pride comes before a fall. De la Cruz is such a peacock, I expect he’ll be too busy worrying about his hair and make-up to see you coming.’

They all laughed, except for poor Will.

Santiago de la Cruz’s good looks worried him at least as much as his famous rival’s bowling arm.

Will had been banking on using this summer’s cricket match to win back the heart of his first love, Emma Harwich.

If I could score a century, and take home the Swell Valley cup for Fittlescombe, maybe she’d start to fancy me again, he’d argued to himself, night after night for almost a year. But now, with cricket’s answer to David Beckham swooping in to seize the limelight at the last moment, what possible chance did he have?

It was unlike Will Nutley to hate anybody. But at that moment, listening to the reassuring platitudes of his teammates, Will came close to hating Santiago de la Cruz.

*****

Santiago de la Cruz flipped open his vintage Hermès suitcase and lifted out a stack of perfectly pressed, sky-blue linen shirts. Karen, his PA, had done a stellar job packing up his penthouse flat on the front in Brighton and installing him here, at Wheelers Cottage. He’d arrived yesterday to find his bed made, his fridge stocked and his Sky Sports fully operational. Other than hanging up his shirts, there wasn’t a thing for him to do.

Santiago had never understood what possessed otherwise intelligent men to hire useless, leggy blondes as personal assistants. He was as much a fan of leggy blondes as the next man. But all PAs worth their salt were over fifty and a solid 80 per cent battleaxe. Karen was two stone overweight, wore surgical stockings come rain or shine and had blisters on her hands as tough as barnacles after a lifetime’s heavy lifting. She’d made Santiago’s move to Brockhurst a dream. A good thing, as he’d been having nightmares about it since the day his agent had persuaded him to sign on the dotted line.

‘You’ll love it,’ the agent had assured him, over a wildly expensive lunch at the Dorchester that he would no doubt bill Santiago for later. ‘That part of the country’s alive with hot chicks.’

‘It’s the middle of fucking nowhere,’ Santiago had grumbled.

‘Who cares?’ The agent grinned. ‘You won’t want to leave.’

‘I loathe the countryside.’

‘No you don’t. You love it. Which is why you’re gonna make the perfect face of the Best of Britain Hotel Group.’

And there was the rub. Santiago’s year-long prison sentence in some godforsaken Sussex village was going to earn him a cool two million pounds in sponsorship from a leisure consortium that specialized in five-star country-house hotels. They’d originally wanted him to tour the country as an ‘ambassador’ for their various different properties, but as a county player Santiago had to stay in Sussex. Brilliantly, his agent had brokered a deal whereby his client would spend a year in a chocolate-box thatched house in Brockhurst, home of English cricket. He would play in the famous Swell Valley One-Day Match, which in recent years had become almost as popular a society fixture as the Boat Race or the Cartier Polo. In return, the leisure group would have use of the house, and the coveted de la Cruz image, for various promotional shoots and events, all endorsing their ‘Best of Britain’ brand. And Santiago would plug their hotels relentlessly at every possible opportunity.

It had seemed like a no-brainer at the time – money for nothing. He could still play for the county, still commute to London for weekends in the off season. But, now that he was actually here, his heart sank. The house was picture perfect, but it was the sort of house a wealthy grandmother might retire to, all low ceilings and beams and leaded-light windows. Santiago had already cracked his head twice. The whole place made him feel horribly claustrophobic. As for the wall-to-wall stunning women Santiago’s agent had promised him, so far he’d seen nothing but a couple of middle-aged village shopkeepers and a gaggle of overweight teenagers, who had pointed and stared at him as they loitered around Brockhurst’s only bus stop yesterday, as if he were an animal in a zoo.

After putting the last of his shirts into the heavy Victorian chest of drawers by the window, he opened the latch and stuck his head outside. The views, at least, were fabulous. From his bedroom window, Santiago looked over his pretty cottage garden to the glorious Swell Valley beyond. Startlingly green fields sloped down to the River Swell, a wide, glinting swathe of silver, snaking its way along the valley floor. On the far side of the river, the South Downs rose up dramatically like great, benevolent giants. The grass on the hills was a paler green than in the valley – almost grey, in fact – and crisscrossed with bright white paths that had been etched into the chalk over thousands of years. Only one building was visible, at the foot of the Downs close to where Fittlescombe village lay hidden from view, folded between two hills. It was a medieval hall house, probably a large farm originally, and it stood surrounded by its own orchards. Curious, Santiago picked up his ‘Best of Britain’ binoculars from the dressing table (his sponsors had provided him with a number of twee, country-themed gifts, including walking sticks with carved pheasants’ heads on the top, a fly-fishing rod and an engraved hip flask, presumably for use on fictional shooting weekends) and zoomed in on the house.

The first thing he noticed was that the binoculars were superb. He had a perfect view of the house and garden, and was even able to zoom in on the roses climbing up the brickwork. The second thing he noticed was the front door opening and an incredibly pretty blonde in a tiny floral bikini emerging into the garden. She was carrying a bath towel and a magazine and, despite being barefoot and (presumably) alone in her own garden, she carried herself as if she had an audience, with the haughty, self-satisfied bearing of the very young and very beautiful.

Spreading out the towel, she proceeded immediately to remove her bikini top, revealing a pair of small but perfectly formed breasts, like two apples dipped in caramel.

Santiago let out a long, low whistle. Now that really was the best of Britain, or at a minimum the best of Brockhurst. Would she be at the match on Saturday? he wondered. Surely she was bound to be. It wasn’t as if there was anything else to do around here.

He closed the window and went downstairs in search of a cold gin and tonic, feeling mildly cheered.

Perhaps his agent would turn out to have been right after all.

The Swell Valley was starting to look up.

TUESDAY

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake!’

Penelope Harwich stared down at the blackened chicken casserole, so badly burned it probably couldn’t even be identified from its dental records, and ran her hands through her hair in despair.

‘Why didn’t the bloody bipper go off?’

This last question was addressed to Sebastian, Penny’s fourteen-year-old son, who was hunched over the kitchen table at Woodside Hall, deep in his Nintendo 3DS.

‘It did,’ he said without looking up. ‘I turned it off.’

‘Why?’ wailed Penny.

‘Because it was annoying,’ said Seb, reasonably.

‘Yes, but why didn’t you come and get me? I set it so I’d remember to take the lunch out of the oven!’

‘Well I didn’t know that, did I?’ said Seb, reluctantly turning off his game and pushing open the kitchen door, to allow the smoke to escape. ‘You set that thing all the time – to remember to call granny, to remember to do the ironing, to remember some other thing you’re supposed to remember.’

Penny groaned. She wished this weren’t true. That she didn’t muddle through her life like a victim of early-onset Alzheimer’s, barely able to brush her own hair or make a cup of tea without some sort of outside assistance. But, ever since her divorce last year (since her husband, Paul, had left her on their twentieth wedding anniversary, for a man, admitting to a gay double life that Penny had had literally no suspicion of whatsoever), she’d lost so much confidence she barely trusted herself to remember her own name.

‘I think we’d better leave this in the garden for a bit. Till it stops, you know, smoking,’ said Seb.

Watching her lovely, kind, capable fourteen-year-old son slip on her oven gloves and carry the charred mess outside, Penny Harwich felt poleaxed with guilt. Paul’s abandonment and spectacular coming-out had been hard on all of them, a terrible shock. But, while she had unravelled like a dropped spool of yarn and Emma, Seb’s older sister, had taken refuge in anger and acting out, Seb had held things together with a maturity and stoicism far beyond his years.

‘If someone’s gay, they’re gay,’ her son had told her calmly while she sobbed on his shoulders. ‘It’s not Dad’s fault and it’s certainly not yours. You just have to, you know, get on with it.’