The Power of Social Intelligence: 10 ways to tap into your social genius

There are 10 listening habits that are most damaging to your skill as a listener and most weakening of your Social Intelligence.

1 Pretending to pay attention when you are really not

2 Trying to do other things while listening

3 Deciding the subject is uninteresting

4 Getting distracted by the speaker’s way of speech, or other mannerisms

5 Getting over-involved and thus losing the main thread of the person’s argument or thoughts

6 Letting emotion-filled words arouse personal anger and antagonism

7 Concentrating on any distractions instead of what is being said

8 Taking linear, one-colour notes

9 Listening primarily for facts

10 Avoiding anything that is complex or difficult

Of which bad listening habits are you guilty?! Make a note of where your weaknesses lie, and where you can do most to improve your listening skills.

Active Listening

Listening is not a passive activity; it’s not the ‘unexciting’ or ‘unflamboyant’ part of a conversation. As I myself found out, listening well is the vital ingredient in a successful, productive and interesting conversation.

‘Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.’

(Robert Benchley)

Nor is it just a person’s words that we should listen to. If we are aware of the other person’s body language as well (see Chapter 2 (#ud6a78477-defd-5e92-9148-2d4a7917f5a0)) we can intuit so much more meaning from any conversation – we can listen to what they feel as well as what they say.

There is a humorous phase that is particularly apt here: ‘I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!’