Tony Parsons on Life, Death and Breakfast

Or is that just my library?

But everywhere I look there is evidence of a pathological obsession for being richer, tougher, thinner, smarter, fitter and – above all – better.

There are books by world-renowned experts here. Captain W.E. Fairbairn’s 1942 martial arts classic Get Tough! How to win in hand-to-hand fighting as taught to the British commandos and the U.S Armed Forces. And oh look – there is the babe-magnet bible, How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed by sex guru Ross Jeffries. And right next to it I see How to Get Rich by Donald Trump. There’s The Prince by Machiavelli and Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, books about Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Creative Visualisation and how to end a street fight with just one blow.

But do I really need this stuff? And has it done me any good? Does it do anyone any good?

Not all the self-improvement texts I own are by some certified genius in his field. I also have a large collection of books by charlatans, nutjobs and nobodies. I own books about getting rich by people who are not rich but in jail. But when it comes to improving myself, I seem disturbingly willing to suspend belief. I am like a country hick queuing up to see the bearded lady, the mug punter who can’t see when the cards are marked, a sucker for that snake oil.

I am even starting to doubt the experts. Captain W.E. Fairbairn invented the Fairbairn Commando knife and is the father of modern hand-to-hand combat. Anyone with fire in the blood should own a copy of Get Tough