A Few Good Men

Eric blinked. In all honesty, he had never considered the older couple. Andy had been their only child. And when he’d visited the other day, he couldn’t help feeling awkward in their company. Because of the circumstances of his past with Andy, yes, but there had been something more…almost as if their continued close connection with Sara allowed them to buy into the delusion that their son was only away on assignment and he would be returning any day now.

“Tell them you’re going on vacation.”

She laughed without humor. “I never go on vacation.”

He reached out and cupped her chin with his hand, wiping some of the dampness from her skin. “Well, then, it sounds like it’s long time since you started…”

To his surprise, she leaned into his touch and then melted into his arms, allowing the sheet to drop. Eric closed his eyes, marveling in the warmth of her skin against his. How small. How sexy.

Her movements doubled the hope swelling inside him. Did he finally have her? Would she come to Texas with him?

He thought of his family and all he’d introduce to her. Show her. From the stables to the back nine where he used to spend so much of his time as a kid chewing on stalks of straw and contemplating the world from under his Oilers ball cap.

“I can’t.”

She’d said the words so quietly, he nearly didn’t hear them.

But hear them, he did. And his heart dipped low in his stomach. But rather than let go of her, he held her closer.

“Thank you, Eric. Your offer is the best one I’ve heard in a long, long time.”

He heard the deep click of her swallow even as she clutched him like she might never let him go, despite the meaning of her words.

“But I can’t.”

He tried to open his mouth, push out the word sitting on the tip of his tongue: Why? But it refused to come. Mostly because he didn’t have a breath on which it could exit.

She pulled slightly away, searching his face in the dim light. “I have so much to thank you for. For being patient. For making me feel alive again when I’d felt like I’d died right along with Andy. For…well, for making me look to the future again with curiosity rather than dread.”

“Then come to Texas with me, Sara. Take that step into the future.”

She looked down and slowly shook her head. “I understand that you have your timetable, Eric. What you must understand is that I also have one. And it has yet to adjust to all the changes you’ve wrought in my life in the past week.” She blinked up again and caressed the side of his face much as he’d done to her moments before. “I can’t move at your pace. Too many people will get hurt if I do.” She smiled a ghost of a smile. “Including me.”

“I’d never hurt you.”

“No, you wouldn’t. At least not purposely.”

He opened his mouth to protest and she rested her hand against his lips.

“Shhh. I’m not done yet.”

He forced himself to shut up and listen.

“I need you to promise me something.”

He wanted to say he’d do anything she wanted. Then he realized that this particular promise was going to be something he didn’t like.

“I want you to promise that when you leave here tomorrow morning, that you do so without looking back.” Her voice caught and she appeared to have trouble keeping her breathing even. “I want…no, need you to promise me that you won’t try to contact me. Not by phone. Not by e-mail. Not by IM. Not by any means.”

“Sara—”

“Promise me, Eric.”

He drew her close again and she rested her cheek against his shoulder, holding him just as tightly.

It was all so confusing.

If she was admitting that she wanted him, with both her words and her body, then why was she still pushing him away?

“I can’t,” he whispered fiercely into her hair, holding a fist full of it gently. “I can’t imagine not being able to see you, Sara. Not being able to talk to you.”

She made a small sound as she kissed his arm. “Who said you wouldn’t be doing either?”

“But how…”

He stopped.

“If this is going to happen, I have to be in control. If you force me into it, I may end up regretting it later. Regretting you. And I don’t want to do that.”

He didn’t want that to happen, either.

But he couldn’t stand the idea that he would have no sway over her. Didn’t trust that the moment he walked out of her front door that she wouldn’t go back to being Andy’s widow and lock herself out from the world all over again.