Miracle Under the Mistletoe

“I have to.” She tugged her hand, and he let go. “I don’t regret last night, Grady. It was wonderful in…in so many ways. I regret confusing the situation between us…but that’s my fault. My mistake. I’m sorry you thought last night meant—”

“I didn’t know what it meant! But I sure as hell didn’t think it meant nothing.”

“I know. My fault,” she repeated. She hated hurting him, but didn’t see a way around it. “It meant something. Of course it did! Just not what you’d like. I really am sorry. So sorry.”

“Is this really it, Olly? No turning back here.” He held himself stiff and straight, as if pulling all of his strength together to shield himself from her. “You want a divorce?”

Olivia drew in a breath and fastened her eyes on his. “Yes, Grady. I do.”

“You’re sure?” he demanded. “Be very sure, Olivia.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I’m sure.”

His shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes for a millisecond. With a weary, defeated-sounding sigh, he said, “Fine. I can’t keep fighting you on this. I’ll find an attorney.”

More shocked than relieved to hear his agreement,

Olivia said, “You will?”

“I will.” He looked away. In a lower tone, he said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For driving the car our son died in.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said thickly. He didn’t respond, just pointed his gaze toward the door, his message clear. He wanted her to leave. Who could blame him?

She found her shoes and fumbled, nearly falling when she put them on. Opening the door to his apartment seemed to take far more strength than it should. Or, at least, far more strength than she had. Just before stepping outside, she whispered, “I don’t blame you, Grady. I blame me. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“I can’t hear you, Olivia. What did you say?” Grady said.

“I said…goodbye. Just goodbye.” She pushed herself out, letting the door slam behind her. The air outside was colder than she expected. So cold, she wouldn’t have been surprised if her tears froze on their path down her cheeks.

“So that’s it, huh?” Grady’s younger-by-two-years brother, Jace, asked from his seat across from Grady. They were eating an early dinner at a local fifties-style diner. Well, Jace was doing most of the eating. Grady was mostly brooding. “Whatever happened to your not-all-alternatives-have-been-exhausted argument?”

“They haven’t. But I can’t force Olivia to try.” Grady shrugged in a vain attempt to appear unaffected by the last twenty-four hours. “So yeah, that’s it.”

Jace stuffed a few French fries into his mouth, then washed them down with a swig of soda before replying, “That sucks. But I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

Grady stared at his brother in mild annoyance. “That’s some empathy you’ve got going there. You should quit your job at the paper and become a talk-show host.”

“What are you talking about?” To give him credit, Jace looked truly bewildered. “I said it sucks. It does.”

“Nice, Jace. My marriage is over and that’s the best you have? Even for you, that’s a little cold.”

“Not cold. It’s realistic,” Jace said in a firm voice. “I’m sorry for you, but you gotta know that your marriage ended a while ago. At least now, you’re not hanging on in blind hope. Frankly, you’re better off.”

Grady gave his brother a hard stare. “Explain yourself.”

“You’re not happy. From what you’ve told me, Olivia isn’t happy, either. The two of you have been stuck in limbo for years. You need to move past this.” Jace tossed him his trademark grin. The one that had always served as a get-out-of-jail-free card when they were growing up. “Onward and upward. You deserve to find some happiness. That’s all I meant.”

Grady swallowed his annoyance. Jace was unencumbered by love and was about as far away from touchy-feely as a guy could get. He also didn’t mince words. Which, if Grady was honest with himself, was the reason he’d called Jace to begin with. Tonight, the last thing he needed was touchy-feely. “You have a point,” he conceded. “I do want Olivia to be happy again, and I’m obviously not helping in that regard.”

“She’s not helping, either. You’re miserable.” Jace wolfed down the rest of his burger before turning a hungry gaze on Grady’s. “You gonna eat that?”

Grady shoved his plate forward. “Nope. Go for it.”

“Thanks.” Jace swapped their plates, saying, “I think I will.”

Except for the rumble of other folks chattering at nearby tables, the next few minutes were filled with silence. Shock that he was giving up on his marriage made every muscle in his body ache. But enough was enough. What other option did he have? There was a damn fine line between being hopeful and becoming desperate. He’d already gotten closer to that line than he cared for, but he refused to cross it.

But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel idiotic. He knew his wife well, and last night wasn’t a meaningless romp. Waking up that morning with Olly’s legs entwined with his and her head on his chest had given him a sense of rightness in the world that had been missing for too long. It wasn’t complete. Nothing would ever feel complete again…not without Cody. But damn, being with his wife again had felt good.

Divorce. The word chewed through his gut like acid. So yeah, as ineloquent as his brother’s statement was, Jace was correct. This sucked.

“Don’t beat yourself up too much. Hell, from what I can see, most women are contrary, often self-indulgent and experts at playing games with men,” Jace said, as if reading Grady’s thoughts, albeit a slightly convoluted version of them. “Most of them are just plain crazy.”

“Olivia isn’t like that. The accident changed her…changed us. It isn’t her fault she can barely stand to look at me now.”

Jace’s hand stilled in the air. “Don’t go down that road. You didn’t cause that accident. If she blames you for that—”

“She insists she doesn’t,” Grady said. “But that wasn’t what I meant. I remind her too much of Cody. Every damn time I’m in the same room with her, she looks at me and sees him. Can’t blame her for that.”

Jace leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, his food apparently forgotten. “She isn’t the only person who lost a son. You did, too. Mom and Dad lost their only grandchild, and Seth and I,” Jace said, referring to the youngest brother in the Foster clan, who was currently deployed out of the country, “lost our nephew. There’s a world of hurt here. It sort of seems as if Olivia is only thinking of herself and what she has lost.”

His brother’s words, no matter how honest and heartfelt they were, irritated Grady. “You’re not calling my wife selfish, are you? Yes, you and Seth and Mom and Dad all loved Cody, but it isn’t the same. You can’t know what this feels like, and I hope you never do.”

“Not selfish,” Jace said quickly. “But you have to admit that Olivia has closed herself off from the family. None of us have talked to her in well over a year. Mom and Dad miss her, too.” His voice lowered. “Look, I like Olivia. I always have. And I am sick over what you two have gone through. But hell, Grady—what about you? Has she tried to comfort you? Has she tried to be as present in your life as you have in hers?”

Grady didn’t answer for a second. In the beginning, right after the accident, she had. They’d tried to comfort each other, had turned to each other, but shortly after the funeral, she’d retreated to a place that Grady couldn’t reach. “I don’t think she knows how.”

“Maybe. But that doesn’t make her lack of trying right. And it doesn’t help you move on, now does it?”

There was some truth there, Grady admitted to himself. Even so, moving on without Olivia didn’t appeal. Sure, visualizing a life without her was possible. Eventually, he’d find a balance and would create a life that made sense. Knowing this, though, didn’t make the prospect any easier to choke down. “It is what it is.”

“It’ll get easier. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but it will,” Jace promised.

The sympathy in Jace’s eyes surprised him. “Don’t look now, but my brother has a heart,” Grady teased. “That was bordering on touchy-feely. Maybe you should give that talk-show-host gig a shot.”

“Nah. I’m good. My column is doing well and the paper lets me do almost anything I want.” Jace tipped his glass and fished out an ice cube. “Can’t ask for much more than that.”

“That will kill your teeth,” Grady said when Jace stuck the ice in his mouth and chomped down. “Hasn’t your dentist taught you anything? Women won’t find you nearly as attractive with a mouthful of broken teeth.”

“Hockey players seem to do okay.” Jace became preoccupied with folding his napkin into tiny squares. “Besides, I’m too busy at work and at the house to date much these days.”

Even if his brother hadn’t avoided eye contact, Grady still wouldn’t have believed him. Jace, with his boyish good looks and ramped-up charisma, was a woman magnet. Hollywood would make bundles if they created a reality show based around Jace’s extreme dating lifestyle. “You’re too busy to date? Right. Tell me another story.”

“I’m serious.” Picking up his unused fork, Jace tapped it against the table, making a rat-a-tat-tat sound. “And it’s not a big deal, so just drop it.”