Project: Parenthood

‘Cream was a practical colour for a suite when I lived here alone.’ She thought nostalgically of the days when all the creams and beiges of her modern interior had looked pristine. They couldn’t have spilt something on something darker, where it wouldn’t have shown, could they?

A small chuckle escaped. ‘Thank the Lord for cushions, though. They can cover any flavour fruit juice. Even blackcurrant.’

Teagan glared. ‘I’m glad you find this so amusing.’

‘Aw, c’mon—you can barely see the stains when the cushions are in the right places. I always knew there had to be some use for throw cushions.’ He continued to smile, adding with a shrug, ‘They’re such a girl thing.’

‘I still know the stains are there.’ She did her best to hide a smile of amusement. Though at the time it had happened she hadn’t been so amused. She’d worked damn hard to have her lovely home lovely, spent hours poring over catalogues and wandering around furniture stores. Making things kid-proof had never once been a consideration in any of her purchases.

Pushing his large frame away from the edge of a granite counter-top, Brendan walked the two paces necessary to stand right in front of her, his voice silken. ‘They need you.’

‘I’m not their mother, though. Their mother should be here.’ She tried really hard not to notice how close he was, or how he made words sound so seductive. Her eyes flickered up to his face. Was it possible for someone to look better under close inspection than they did from a distance? Even after nine years? Lord alone knew if she stood that close to her own reflection she’d find flaws. Plenty of them. And every blasted one of them a reminder that she wasn’t twenty-one any more.

With a swallow she forced herself to stare at a dark button on the front of his shirt. Buttons were nice, safe things to look at. She would just focus on the button while she forced herself to find some miraculous solution to her dilemma. Reasoning to herself that while focusing on the button she wouldn’t get distracted by looking into deeply blue eyes. Even when she knew they were still looking at her.

‘No, you’re not their mother.’ He waited patiently until his silence, and his close proximity, forced her eyes to tilt up to meet his again. ‘But they need you to be a substitute for them right now. You don’t really have a choice, do you?’

‘I’m aware of that, thank you.’

‘Then you just have to manage. You’ll be grand.’

He made it sound so simple. How could he know? It wasn’t as if she’d ever explained to him the life choice she’d made such a long time ago. A choice that most certainly didn’t involve three children running around to shatter her solitude. It didn’t involve responsibility for any other life. Even one as small as a cat or a goldfish. No baggage. Eimear was supposed to have grown up enough so that she wasn’t Teagan’s responsibility any more. So that Teagan just had herself to look out for. And there were times when that was tough enough on its own.

She shouldn’t have to do this kind of thing any more. It just wasn’t fair. The petulant thought brought a frown to her face. Damn it. Now she was going to huff like a teenager too? That was great—just fabulous.

He watched her scowl for a few seconds, then turned his face from hers as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his worn jeans. ‘I’ve told you I’ll help out where I can.’ He glanced back at her face. ‘And I mean that. I’ll not see you stuck.’

‘I know. You’ve said.’ She swallowed down a bubble of frustration. He just always had been such a nice guy, hadn’t he? And the simple truth was he was better with the children than she was—which made her even more resentful of his presence than she already was. ‘But this really isn’t your problem. It’s mine. I really don’t need you to feel you have to hop over here to rescue me every time there’s a crisis.’

‘Every guy likes to play the knight in shining armour now and again.’ He flashed a grin at her while ignoring her petulant tone. ‘You just happen to be the nearest damsel, is all.’

Teagan hated the idea of being seen as a damsel in distress. So much for all her years trying to be a strong and independent career girl. Capable and self-sufficient. All it took was something really heavy round her house, or her nemesis of something electrical, and she was as much use as a chocolate kettle.

But Brendan had to have work of his own to do—things that took up his time. She swallowed as she thought, Dates to occupy him.

She watched with slightly narrowed eyes as he turned, removed a hand from his pocket to rescue his mug and walked the two paces it took for him to get to the sink to rinse it out. Somewhere in her mind it occurred to her that everyone else took a lot longer to walk around her open-plan kitchen. But Brendan was so damned tall that he seemed to get everywhere in two long, confident steps. She’d forgotten over the years just how tall he was.

He certainly was way head and shoulders above her shoeless five foot seven. When he was around she had always had moments where she felt feminine. Maybe even a little small and damselish.

‘So, what are you going to do if you won’t accept some help?’

Good question.

‘I don’t know.’ She frowned again as the words came out all small and helpless. This really had to stop. ‘But I’m going to have to think of something until I can track down Eimear.’

‘And you’ve definitely tried everywhere?’

She’d told him as much when she’d rung to check on the children during the day, so the question brought her back up again.

‘No, I only rang the once and then gave up.’ Raising her hands to her hips, she tilted her head and stared at his back with a deadpan expression.

The sarcasm rolled right over him. ‘What about her friends?’

She sighed a resigned sigh. What was the point in being stroppy with him after all? It was hardly his fault. ‘No help. They only know that Mac took her on a romantic break somewhere on the Ring of Kerry.’

‘Somewhere that doesn’t have a phone so she could check on her kids?’

Which, had Teagan had her wits about her, she could have cured by taking the damn hotel details. Not that she’d thought about it while she was being so deftly hoodwinked. ‘They need some time alone.’

Brendan shook his head. ‘I don’t understand people like that.’

He wouldn’t, would he? Not this guy who had the kind of simple, easy, charmed existence that Teagan herself had only ever seen at the movies. He couldn’t possibly understand why Eimear would be so desperate to save her second marriage if it was in trouble. If he ever got round to getting married it would no doubt be roses and violins the whole damn time.

A bubble of anger grew in her stomach. He knew nothing. She’d bet that nothing more troublesome than running out of milk had ever happened in his life. Not that she’d taken the time to ask since they’d been thrown into each other’s paths again. It was really none of her business after all.

With his cup rinsed and set on the drainer, he turned and looked back at her face. He went silent for a moment when he saw the spark of anger in her eyes. Even after their years apart he still knew the warning signs of an impending argument. She was obviously as angry at her sister as he would have been, given the same circumstances, but she refused to hear a bad word spoken about her.

With a shrug, he let it drop. ‘Well, you know where I am if you need a hand.’

Oh, she knew, all right. Right across the street. Right under her nose. To remind her every day of all the reasons she had to stay well away from him. Especially if there was ever any mistletoe in sight. Teagan had the memory of an elephant.

‘Thanks for looking after them today.’

‘No problem.’ He frowned for a second, deep in thought, poised on the balls of his feet as if he might step forward again. Then he simply smiled a small smile and walked the two paces it took for him to get to her back door. ‘I have some work to clear up at home tomorrow, so I’ll be around if you need a hand.’

‘Okay. Thanks again.’ Though even as she said the words she knew she would do everything in her power to make sure she didn’t have to make that call.

After the door closed behind him, she stood in the same place for a long while. The house was silent, bar the background noise from the television in her front room. If it hadn’t been for that noise to remind her she wasn’t alone she might have allowed herself to wallow in the moment of loneliness she felt.

But it wasn’t because of him, she reminded herself. It was just the way she’d probably always felt but had never really allowed herself to acknowledge. It was an emptiness inside that she’d taken years to control and to bury—even from herself, it seemed.

Part of her truly hated him for the fact that he had reminded her it was there. That it might have been well hidden but it hadn’t gone away. Maybe never would.

She wasn’t the only one who fought it, though, she guessed.

Although right at that moment she may have wanted to kill her sister for taking this trip of hers, and inconvenient timing as it was, she couldn’t hate her for it. Because she understood.

Eimear was probably fighting her own version of that hollowness, and having her children obviously wasn’t enough on its own. She wanted the whole shebang—wanted a man by her side, to be made to feel loved and safe. While Teagan had chosen to find the solution in her career and a modicum of financial security.

Teagan didn’t doubt for a second that she would be back soon. Eimear hadn’t abandoned her children; she’d just set them to one side while she tried to fix her second attempt at marriage.

Teagan herself would never have set her own children to one side for a man, moot point though that was. She’d made her choices. She was the stronger one of the two of them—the one who got on with it, alone. As she’d just have to get on with it this time.

She’d just have to find a way to do it without Brendan McNamara’s help. She didn’t need a constant reminder of how close she could have come to being like her sister in seeking happiness through some guy. Even when that guy’s presence still stirred up a memory in her that she’d never really been able to shift.

No, she would never allow herself to rely on someone else for her own happiness. Could never expect to find love as it was described in the movies. Because it just didn’t exist. Teagan knew that, even if Eimear didn’t.

But then Teagan remembered more than her little sister. She’d made sure of that. It was her job to do everything she could to ensure Eimear was happy.