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Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour
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Год написания книги
2017
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Fanny
[To John.] He ain't slept a wink all night, sir… No more 'ave I, for the matter of that.
[John nods, but does not answer; and Fanny,
wiping her eyes with her apron, leaves theroom.
Basil
Oh, I'd give everything not to have said what I did. I'd always held myself in before, but yesterday – I couldn't.
John
Well?
Basil
I didn't get back here till nearly ten, and the maid told me Jenny had just gone out. I thought she'd gone back to her mother's.
John
Yes?
Basil
And soon after a constable came up and asked me to go down to the river. He said there'd been an accident… She was dead. A man had seen her walk along the tow-path and throw herself in.
John
Where is she now?
Basil
[Pointing to one of the doors.] In there.
John
Will you take me in?
Basil
Go in alone, John. I daren't, I'm afraid to look at her. I can't bear the look on her face… I killed her – as surely as if I'd strangled her with my own hands. I've been looking at the door all night, and once I thought I heard a sound. I thought she was coming to reproach me for killing her.
[John goes to the door, and as he opens it, Basil averts his head. When John shuts thedoor after him, he looks at it with staring, frightened eyes, half mad with agony. Hetries to contain himself. After a while John comes back, very quietly.
Basil
[Whispering.] What does she look like?
John
There's nothing to be afraid of, Basil. She might be sleeping.
Basil
[Clenching his hands.] But the ghastly pallor…
John
[Gravely.] She's happier than she would ever have been if she'd lived.
[Basil sighs deeply.
John
[Seeing the revolver.] What's this for?
Basil
[With a groan of self-contempt.] I tried to kill myself in the night.
John
H'm!
[He takes the cartridges out and puts the revolveri his pocket.
Basil
[Bitterly.] Oh, don't be afraid, I haven't got the pluck… I was afraid to go on living. I thought if I killed myself it would be a reparation for her death. I went down to the river, and I walked along the tow-path to the same spot – but I couldn't do it. The water looked so black and cold and pitiless. And yet she did it so easily. She just walked along and threw herself in. [A pause.] Then I came back, and I thought I'd shoot myself.
John
D'you think that would have done any one much good?
Basil
I despised myself. I felt I hadn't the right to live, and I thought it would be easier just to pull a trigger… People say it's cowardly to destroy oneself, they don't know what courage it wants. I couldn't face the pain – and then, I don't know what's on the other side. After all, it may be true that there's a cruel, avenging God, who will punish us to all eternity if we break His unknown laws.
John
I'm very glad you sent for me. You had better come back to London, and stay with me for the present.
Basil
And d'you know what happened in the night? I couldn't go to bed. I felt I could never sleep again – and then, presently, I dozed off quite quietly in my chair. And I slept as comfortably – as if Jenny weren't lying in there, cold and dead. And the maid pities me because she thinks I passed as sleepless a night as she did.
[A sound of voices is heard outside, in altercation. Fanny comes in.
[To John.] He ain't slept a wink all night, sir… No more 'ave I, for the matter of that.
[John nods, but does not answer; and Fanny,
wiping her eyes with her apron, leaves theroom.
Basil
Oh, I'd give everything not to have said what I did. I'd always held myself in before, but yesterday – I couldn't.
John
Well?
Basil
I didn't get back here till nearly ten, and the maid told me Jenny had just gone out. I thought she'd gone back to her mother's.
John
Yes?
Basil
And soon after a constable came up and asked me to go down to the river. He said there'd been an accident… She was dead. A man had seen her walk along the tow-path and throw herself in.
John
Where is she now?
Basil
[Pointing to one of the doors.] In there.
John
Will you take me in?
Basil
Go in alone, John. I daren't, I'm afraid to look at her. I can't bear the look on her face… I killed her – as surely as if I'd strangled her with my own hands. I've been looking at the door all night, and once I thought I heard a sound. I thought she was coming to reproach me for killing her.
[John goes to the door, and as he opens it, Basil averts his head. When John shuts thedoor after him, he looks at it with staring, frightened eyes, half mad with agony. Hetries to contain himself. After a while John comes back, very quietly.
Basil
[Whispering.] What does she look like?
John
There's nothing to be afraid of, Basil. She might be sleeping.
Basil
[Clenching his hands.] But the ghastly pallor…
John
[Gravely.] She's happier than she would ever have been if she'd lived.
[Basil sighs deeply.
John
[Seeing the revolver.] What's this for?
Basil
[With a groan of self-contempt.] I tried to kill myself in the night.
John
H'm!
[He takes the cartridges out and puts the revolveri his pocket.
Basil
[Bitterly.] Oh, don't be afraid, I haven't got the pluck… I was afraid to go on living. I thought if I killed myself it would be a reparation for her death. I went down to the river, and I walked along the tow-path to the same spot – but I couldn't do it. The water looked so black and cold and pitiless. And yet she did it so easily. She just walked along and threw herself in. [A pause.] Then I came back, and I thought I'd shoot myself.
John
D'you think that would have done any one much good?
Basil
I despised myself. I felt I hadn't the right to live, and I thought it would be easier just to pull a trigger… People say it's cowardly to destroy oneself, they don't know what courage it wants. I couldn't face the pain – and then, I don't know what's on the other side. After all, it may be true that there's a cruel, avenging God, who will punish us to all eternity if we break His unknown laws.
John
I'm very glad you sent for me. You had better come back to London, and stay with me for the present.
Basil
And d'you know what happened in the night? I couldn't go to bed. I felt I could never sleep again – and then, presently, I dozed off quite quietly in my chair. And I slept as comfortably – as if Jenny weren't lying in there, cold and dead. And the maid pities me because she thinks I passed as sleepless a night as she did.
[A sound of voices is heard outside, in altercation. Fanny comes in.
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