Her Hidden Life: A captivating story of history, danger and risking it all for love

The SS barracks stood on the hill to the southeast of the Berghof. The four main buildings were constructed around a central field used by the corps for drills and inspections. Ursula said many of the men would still be up and she would introduce me to a few of the officers. We strolled around the barracks and peered into the field. The buildings were darkened by the blackout blinds. Now and then the breeze would lift a blind and a warm buttery light would pulse out, only to be extinguished as quickly as it appeared. Ursula and I walked in the milky light of a quarter moon, which shone through the silky clouds.

After a little while, we came upon a group of soldiers standing near the corner of the southern barracks. We spotted them by their dark silhouettes and the orange flare of their cigarettes. They were laughing and quite unaware of our presence. Two of them were without shirts and shoes, wearing only pants hitched up by suspenders strapped over their bare shoulders. As we approached they gave us a friendly greeting and salute, and one of them reached out to Ursula and gave her a kiss on the hand, much to the delight of the others. She introduced me to the soldier, Franz Faber. He was blond, with a wide smile, and a few inches taller than Ursula. A scar ran down the left side of his face. Ursula and Franz were so familiar with the group they forgot that I knew no one. The other men drifted away and left me standing awkwardly with the couple. I didn’t want to be uninvited company, so I ventured farther into the courtyard. That was when a man called out my name.

I turned and saw Captain Weber. He was one of the men without a shirt and shoes, but I hadn’t recognized him in the crowd. I flushed with embarrassment because Ursula and I had interrupted their gathering. I wrapped my collar tighter around my neck.

‘It’s a beautiful evening, isn’t it?’ He held out his hand.

I shook it politely and nodded. ‘I’m walking with Fräulein Thalberg.’ I looked at my watch. ‘We should be getting back to the Berghof. I’m sorry to disturb you.’

‘Nonsense.’ He rubbed his hands together. ‘It’s too chilly to stand out here under the moon. Won’t you come inside for a moment?’

‘Cook wouldn’t like that. I believe she would refer to it as “fraternization.’’’

He laughed. ‘Don’t worry about Cook. I can handle her.’

I had never been in a barracks and wasn’t sure I should be, but how could I resist the Captain’s invitation? I had nothing to go back to but my lonely quarters. Ursula and her companion stood where I’d left them. I waved my arms until I got her attention and then pointed to Karl. She immediately understood and waved back. The officer directed me to the barracks entrance. His private room was only a few feet away. He opened the door and we stepped inside.

His quarters were small, similar to what Ursula and I lived in, but, unlike me, Captain Weber lived alone. The window, shielded by its blackout curtain, looked toward the central field. The room contained a bed, a desk and enough wall space and shelves to display the certificates, medals and trophies awarded during his education and from the Reich. His uniform jacket hung on the back of the door. His polished black boots rested at the foot of his bed.

I looked out of the corner of my eye, relishing the chance to peek at his body before he pulled on a white shirt and buttoned it up about halfway. His stomach was lean, his chest and shoulders broad. He motioned for me to sit on the desk chair while he sat on the bed. He reached for cigarettes and then reconsidered. ‘I’m trying to give them up. They’re bad for you.’ Smiling, he leaned back as if we were the best of friends.

‘I wouldn’t think the men would be allowed to smoke outside.’ I pointed to the ceiling. Our neighbor, Frau Horst, had told me that bombers could target the light from cigarettes. At the time, I thought she was being silly.

‘I look the other way. Who knows how long any of us will be around? Besides, the Allies don’t fly near here – not yet.’

I stared at him, unsure what to say.

‘How are you enjoying the Berg?’ he finally asked, breaking an uncomfortable silence.

‘The Berg?’ I was unfamiliar with the term.

‘Everyone on the staff calls it the Berg, especially if you’re fond of the “boss.’’’

‘It’s just a job.’ I placed my hands in my lap. ‘I haven’t tasted yet. I’m a little nervous.’

‘Don’t be. How are you getting along?’

‘Fine. I’ve met most of the staff. The Führer has a number of cooks.’

‘Yes. There’s one he likes in particular – a man he snatched from a sanatorium. Cook is jealous of him, but Hitler loves the way he prepares eggs.’

It surprised me that the Captain called the Führer by his name. It sounded so informal and disrespectful, but I ignored the thought and said, ‘I’ve seen Fräulein Braun and her friends taking a walk with her dogs.’

‘Yes, her Scotties, Negus and Stasi. They’re in the Great Hall at midnight with all the invited guests, while Blondi has to wait elsewhere. Hitler begs Eva to let Blondi come into the room, but she won’t allow it as long as her pups are there. I heard Eva kicks Blondi under the table.’ He snickered.

‘She kicks who?’ I couldn’t imagine what Karl was talking about.

‘Blondi. Hitler’s German shepherd dog.’

I laughed now that it all made sense. I’d seen the dog when Hitler’s valet took her for a walk. She was a handsome animal who was friendly to most people. She got to ride in the Volkswagen Cabriolet reserved for the Reich’s leader.

Karl peeked out the blind for a moment. ‘Ursula and Franz are still talking. Actually, it’s more than conversation, but I don’t want to pry. They’ve known each other since they were children in Munich. They’re in love.’ He propped his pillow against the wall and stretched out on the bed. His eyes sparkled in the lamplight. I felt they were looking through me, not past me, boring a hole into my soul. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable being alone in a room with an officer who seemed interested in more than conversation. ‘What do you think of Eva?’ he asked, and then added, ‘Do you know who she is?’

I shook my head. ‘A friend of the Führer?’

‘We all think she’s more than that, but most Germans don’t know who she is.’

I hesitated to answer his question about what I thought of her because I was afraid he might be a secret admirer of Hitler’s companion. I didn’t know the Captain well enough to know why he was asking me these questions. Everyone needed to be careful when they talked to an SS officer; at least that’s what I believed, particularly after what I had learned since the incident on the train. My father had said words were as precious as gold these days and should be meted out with equal care. My mother displayed a certain fervor in toeing the Party line and with it a healthy respect for saying the right things. I gave an innocuous answer. ‘I hadn’t heard of her before I came here. She’s pretty and wears stylish clothes that suit her well. Her jewelry seems expensive.’

Karl smirked. ‘She changes her outfits almost hourly, while the rest of Germany—’ His face reddened and he looked away from me. For a long time, he didn’t speak. I wondered whether I should leave.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I should keep my opinions to myself, but it’s hard sometimes to maintain a positive attitude the way things are going.’

‘Why?’ I asked. Nothing I had heard, except Ursula’s comment earlier, gave me any reason to be concerned about the war; it was odd that the Captain had brought up the issue at all.

‘You don’t care for politics, do you?’

I shook my head. ‘Not really.’

‘You can be honest with me. What we speak of will go no farther than this room.’

I studied his eyes, observed the depth of them so I might judge the truth of his words. All I saw was sincerity, but I still felt I should be guarded in my comments. ‘Frankly, I’m more concerned about my parents than myself. At first the war didn’t mean a lot to me, any more than it did to other girls in Berlin. We heard how the people in the East were our enemies. But now things have changed, the Allied bombings have begun and food is in short supply. Life is hard.’ I looked away, afraid to ask my next question. ‘Are we losing the war?’

I heard him shift on the bed. When I looked again, he was sitting up, staring at me. ‘Are you aware your question verges on treason?’

I was astounded by his reaction. ‘I asked because I wanted to know. I suppose we should never speak of losing the war. You told me I could trust you. Besides, if I were a traitor, would I be the Führer’s food taster?’

He rose from the bed. ‘Which answer do you want? The Reich’s or the truth?’

‘The truth.’

He smiled. ‘I was right to choose you. But you’ll have your answer later. It’ll be lights-out soon. I should escort you to your room. I’ve already taken a chance, having a woman in here.’ He lifted the blind and peered out. ‘Ursula and Franz have disappeared.’

‘I can walk by myself.’

He shrugged and offered his hand. I shook it.

‘I’m not sure that coming here was a good idea,’ I said, and opened the door to the dimly lit hall.

Karl touched my shoulder. ‘Let me take you to a movie in the Berghof. Eva picks out the films. We see them before the public does. Often we get them from America. Hitler doesn’t watch them because he thinks the Reich’s leader shouldn’t enjoy himself while the country suffers. The only films he watches are dreary repeats of his speeches, so he can learn how to be a better speaker.’

I was surprised. ‘That’s what he does best.’

The Captain nodded.

I thought for a moment about his offer of a movie. ‘I’d be happy to accept your invitation. I think Cook would allow that.’

‘Of course she would.’ He stood close to me as we walked down the hall. When we got to the barracks door, he bowed slightly. ‘I would remind you that even an SS officer is human. Good night, Fräulein Ritter.’