Reality Transurfing: steps 1-5

Dependent Relationships

Idealising the world is the reverse side of the coin of dissatisfaction. When you idealise the world things take on a rose-coloured tint and much appears better than it really is. As you know, when a person sees something that is not really there excess potential is created.

To idealise something means to overestimate it, to place it on a pedestal, to worship it, or create an idol to it. The love which creates and rules the world is very different to idealization. However paradoxical it may sound, love is in essence dispassionate and unemotional. Unconditional love is admiration without worship or the need to possess. In other words, it does not create interdependent relationships between the one doing the loving and the object of their love. This simple truth helps to determine where love ends and idealization begins.

Imagine walking through a mountain valley, filled with greenery and flowers. You are thrilled by the incredible landscape. You breathe in the fresh air and aromas and your soul is filled with happiness and tranquillity. This is love.

Then you begin to pick the flowers, gripping them in your hands, forgetting that they are alive, and the flowers slowly start to die. Later it occurs to you that you could make perfume and cosmetics from the flowers, sell them, or even create a flower faith, and worship them like icons. This would also represent a form of idealization because, either way, dependency would be created between yourself and the object of your love; in this case the flowers. At this stage there is no trace left of the love that existed in that moment of simply enjoying the vision of the flower-filled valley. Can you see the difference?

Love generates positive energy which carries you onto corresponding life lines. Idealization on the other hand creates excess potential, generating balanced forces intent on mitigating its impact. The effect of balanced forces is different depending on the situation but the result is always the same. In general terms it can be described that balanced forces ‘debunk myths’. Depending on the object and level of idealization involved, the debunking may be stronger or weaker in effect, but balance is always restored.

When love changes into a dependent relationship it is inevitable that excess potential will be created because the desire to possess something creates an energetic ‘drop in pressure’. Dependent relationships are determined by a statement of conditions such as: “if you …this, then I …that”. There are endless examples of the conditions peoples place on relationships: “If you loved me you would drop everything and come with me to the end of the world. If you won’t marry me it means you don’t love me. If you praise me I will go out with you. If you don’t give me your spade, I’ll drive you out of the sandpit”, etc.

As soon as one thing is compared to another, or juxtaposed with another, balance is destroyed. We often hear that “we are like this and they are like that!” as an expression of national pride, but in comparison to which nations, and where does this feeling of insecurity come from? Whenever contrast is made, be it positive or negative, balanced forces will eliminate the excess potential it creates. The impact of balanced forces will primarily work against the person creating the potential. Their actions are either aimed at pulling the parties involved apart or at uniting them, which in turn leads to a clash, or to mutual agreement.

All conflicts are based on contrast and contradistinction. An initial statement is made such as: “They are different to us”. Then the statement is developed further. “They have more than we do. Let’s take some of theirs”. “They have less than we do. We must give them some of ours”. “They are worse than we are. We must change them”. “They are better than we are. We must fight them”. “They don’t behave like we do. Something will have to be done about it.” All these comparisons in their various guises lead to conflict. They originate with feelings of discomfort within one individual and end in war and revolution. Balanced forces can eliminate contradictions via confrontation and via acceptance but given the fact that pendulums can feed on aggressive energy more often than not, pendulums often nudge the situation towards confrontation.

Below are several examples of the consequences of various types of idealization.

Idealization and Overvaluation

Overvaluation is when a person is imagined to have qualities they do not in fact embody. On one level the illusions of the mind are quite harmless. On the energetic level however, they generate excess potential because potential is created wherever there is a flux in quantity or quality. Overvaluation is a projection and concentration of qualities there where they are not present in reality. There are two types of idealization. In the first type an individual is portrayed as having qualities which are in fact totally uncharacteristic. In order to eliminate the resulting inhomogeneity in the energy field, balanced forces have to create some kind of counter force.

For example, a dreamy and romantic young man creates a mental image of his beloved, portraying her as an angel of pure beauty. In reality it turns out that the young women in question is a grounded individual, who loves having a good time and shows no interest in sharing the dreams of the love-struck young man. Whatever the circumstances, when a person creates an idol of another and places them on a pedestal, the myth will sooner or later be debunked and the necessary disillusionment follows.

In this context the story of the writer Karl May is quite remarkable. May was the author of some popular adventure novels set in the American Old West and best known for the characters of Winnetou and Old Shatterhand. May’s novels were written in the style of first person narrator, creating the impression that he had personally participated in the events portrayed in his books, thereby earning great admiration. May’s works are as vivid and rich as a film and so the reader could well assume that the story was a factual account. May’s plots were so exciting that he was dubbed ‘the German Dumas’.

Numerous Karl May fans identified the writer with the famous cowboy Old Shatterhand. His admirers could hardly have considered any different; after all, they had found an object of admiration and imitation, and one who lived close by, making his persona even more powerful. Imagine their surprise when it was announced that Karl May had never even visited America, and some of the works had been written during his time in prison. The myth was debunked, the illusion dispelled, and the writer’s former fans became his execrators. Who was to blame? After all, the readers created the idol themselves and along with it, a dependent relationship: “Yes, you are our hero, but only if the book is a real life story”.

In the second type of idealization, a person’s attention is focused not on a person with illusory qualities but on rose-tinted dreams and castles in the air. The dreamer lives with their head in the clouds as a way of escaping the ugliness of the reality of life. Obviously, excess potential is created in this situation. To tear down the castles in the air, balanced forces make the romantic individual face harsh reality. Even if the person in question is capable of distracting hundreds with their idea, thereby creating a separate pendulum, the utopia will be flawed because it is based on the bias of excess potential. Sooner or later balanced forces will stop the pendulum’s sway.

Here is another example of how an overvalued object exists as an ideal. A woman is imagining what her ideal husband would look like. The more she convinces herself that her future husband must be of a certain type the stronger the excess potential that is created. The excess potential can only be neutralized by a person who embodies qualities which are the exact opposite of what the women wanted to find in her partner. When she meets someone and later discovers what they are really like, the woman asks herself how she “could have been so blind”. The opposite can also occur. If a woman focuses on how much she hates drunkenness and rudeness in a man she may fall into the trap of building a relationship with an alcoholic or a man who bad mouths her. Often people find they have to deal with the things they find totally unacceptable because in addition to creating excess potential their thought energy radiates at the frequency of their non-acceptance. Life often brings people together who are very different and who would appear to be totally incompatible. Balanced forces bring people together who have opposite qualities of potential, in that way striving to neutralize the imbalance created by one or the other.

The influence of balanced forces can be seen especially clearly in children because children tend to be more sensitive to energy than adults and behave more naturally. If a child is praised too much they will start being deliberately naughty. Children lose respect for and even end up despising adults that let the child twist them around their little finger. If a parent does all they can to turn their little boy into a well brought up goody-two-shoes, the child will probably end up breaking out and getting involved with some kind of street gang. If a parent tries to create a wunderkind out of their child the likelihood is that they will loose all interest in their studies. The more the parent burdens the child with after school clubs, activities and private lessons, the more likely the child is to grow up with a dull personality.

The best principle in bringing up children is to behave towards the child (and not only towards children) as if they were guests, i.e., giving them attention, respect and freedom of choice, without creating excess potential and without letting them run the show or make your life a misery. The relationship should be constructed on the analogy that you too are no more than a guest in this world. If you accept the rules of the game without going to extremes, you will be free to choose from all that exists in this world.

Healthy relationships are as common as unhealthy relationships and there is a certain balance in the existence of both. Hate exists and so does love. A quality of a healthy balanced relationship is that it does not produce excess potential. Potential emerges when there is a noticeable bias in an assessment with regards to the nominal value. Evaluations are relative. On the scale of distortion, zero can be considered unconditional love. As you know, unconditional love does not support dependent relationships, nor does it create excess potential. This kind of love however, is extremely rare. Normally, possession, dependence and overvaluation are mixed into love’s vessel. It is difficult to resist feelings of possessiveness and quite natural that one should want to know that you have the person you love, as long as things do not go to one of two extremes.

The first extreme is the desire to possess the object of your love if that person is only vaguely associated with you and might not even suspect your desires (of course, you understand that I am not only talking about the physical aspect of possession). This is what happens in the classical case of unrequited love which always leads to much suffering. However, the mechanism at play here is not quite as simple as you might think. Remember the flower metaphor. You love to wander among the flowers, admiring their beauty and you may have wondered whether they love you too. Now try to imagine what the flowers think of you. All sorts of strange ideas will enter your mind such as fear, anxiety, dislike, indifference. You may wonder what reason the flowers could have to love you. Perhaps you desperately want to hold them in your hand but you cannot because they are growing in a flowerbed or are for sale but are very expensive. What one experiences at this stage is no longer love but dependency and with that, negative emotions begin to creep in.

So, you are in one place and the object of your love is in another and you would like to have the object of your love with you, i.e., you are creating energetic potential. One might think that excess potential would draw the desired object to you like air mass that shifts from an area of high to low pressure but that is not how things work at all. It makes no difference to balanced forces what method is used to re-establish equilibrium, and so they may place the object of your love at an either further distance from you thereby neutralizing the excess potential and breaking your heart at the same time. If, at the slightest sign of disappointment in love, person is inclined to dramatise the situation even more with thoughts that the person of their dreams does not love them they will be pulled towards life lines where reciprocated love is a rare phenomenon.

The stronger your desire to have something or to experience reciprocated love the stronger the action taken by balanced forces will be. Of course, if they choose a path that brings you and your loved one closer together then the story will have a happy ending. The direction balanced forces will ultimately take can easily be determined at the very outset. If you are preoccupied or obsessed with the need for your feelings to be mutual and yet nothing seems to be going right, you need to change your tactics. Try loving without expectation of reward. If you do this the unstable vibrations of balanced forces can be drawn closer and made to work for you; otherwise the situation may go snowballing out of control until it is practically impossible to change anything.

There is only one solution in a situation like this. If you want your love to be mutual you have to love simply without thought of whether you are loved or not. Firstly, in taking this approach you avoid creating excess potential which means that the fifty percent probability that the forces will work against you is avoided. Secondly, when you are not obsessed with the idea of whether your feelings will be reciprocated, you are free of the dramatic and uncontrolled thoughts about unrequited love that pull you into corresponding life lines. Quite the opposite; if you simply love, without thought of possession, dependency is avoided and the parameters of the energy you radiate will correspond with those life lines where requited love exits. If you have already discovered requited love then you have no reason to be concerned with the issue of ownership and possession. Imagine how greatly your chances of being close to the one you love will increase for having given up the notion of possessing them. Besides, unconditional love is very rare and attractive quality and so if you can embody it you will automatically draw people to you. Would you not be drawn towards a person who loved you simply for the sake of it without demanding anything in return?

The second extreme concerns the right to ownership, which is of course jealousy. In this case balanced forces have two potential means of action. If you are already in a relationship with the person you love then the first means of action is to being you even closer together. Some people enjoy an element of jealousy in their relationship. The other option is for balanced forces to destroy whatever gave rise to the jealousy, i.e. the love itself. In this case, the stronger the jealousy the deeper the grave it digs for the love being shared in the relationship. The dynamics of love which becomes expressed as jealousy are just the same as the shift from simply savouring the aroma of the wild flowers to wanting to produce perfume.

All of the above relates as much to women as it does to men, but this is not the final word on the matter. We will return to this question later when we look at the other concepts that underpin Transurfing. Everything is so simple and yet at the same time so complex; complex because a person in love loses their ability to rationalise and so the recommendations above will probably fall to the wayside. I shall not however, upset myself with these things because I resist the need for the reader’s recognition.

Contempt and Vanity

Judging other people is a very powerful way of destroying balance, particularly when we have contempt for them. On an energetic level there are no good or bad people; there are simply those who observe the laws of nature and those who unsettle nature’s ‘status quo’. The latter always eventually succumb to the power of balanced forces which strive to restore balance.

Of course, situations often arise in which a person deserves to be judged; the question is whether you should be the one to judge them. This is no superficial question. If someone injures you personally then they have probably also destroyed the existing balance. In this case, your judgement is less likely to represent a source of unhealthy excess potential than it is a tool for balanced forces striving to restore balance. If you say what you think and take any necessary reasonable measures the disturber of the peace will get what they deserve. If, however, the person you judge has done nothing specifically to hurt you, then it is not for you to make accusations.

Look at it from a purely practical point of view, it would be pointless to feel hatred towards a wolf you saw tearing a sheep to pieces on television. It is our natural sense of justice that impels us to judge others but what originates as an innate feeling can quickly turn into habit with many over the years turning into professional prosecutors. Most of the time you cannot know what caused a person to act the way they did, and who knows, if you had been in their shoes, maybe you would have done something even worse.

This kind of judgement creates excess potential in your energy field, which is hardly surprising, because we tend to believe that to the same extent that the accused is bad–we are the epitome of goodness. If the accused has horns and hooves then you must be an angel, right? Nonetheless, because we have not actually grown a pair of wings yet, the forces that strive to restore balance are called into play. Their action will be different depending on the situation but the result is essentially the same: you get a slap. Depending on the force and form of the judgement, the slap may range from being hardly noticeable to so hard that you are swiped into one of the worst possible life lines you can imagine.

It is easy to imagine the different forms that judgement takes and the consequences of it however for clarity I will cite a few examples.

Whatever happens in life, never scorn anyone. It is the most dangerous form of judgement because you find yourself in the shoes of the person you scorned. For balanced forces this would be the most simple, direct means of restoring the harmony lost as a result of your bias and judgement. If you have contempt for beggars and tramps you too could one day lose all your money and your home as a way of restoring balance. If you have disdain for people with physical disabilities you could just as easily have an accident. If you turn your nose up at alcoholics and drug addicts you could end up in their shoes too. People are not born into these roles. The circumstances of life create the role. Why then should you be immune to such circumstances?

Never judge your work colleagues, whatever they do. At best you will find that at some point you will make the same mistake they did. At worst, a conflict could arise which ends with you losing your job even if you were not to blame.

If you judge a person for how they are dressed you could yourself end up one rung lower than them on the ladder of “good and bad” simply as a result of radiating negative thought energy.

There is nothing wrong with a person taking pride in their achievements or loving themselves. A general love for oneself is healthy and harms no-one. Balance is only destroyed if an overinflated sense of one’s own worth is juxtaposed by a superior attitude to the weaknesses, shortcomings or humble achievements of others. Then healthy self-esteem becomes arrogance, pride and vanity. The action of balanced forces will again result in a slap on the cheek.

Contempt and vanity are the vices of man. Animals do not embody these characteristics in their behaviour. They are lead by the consistent purpose of fulfilling nature’s will perfectly. Nature is more perfect than the human mind. The wolf like all predators feels no hate or contempt for its prey (try feeling hate or contempt towards a lamb chop). People, however, build their relationships with each other on masses of excess potential. The majesty of animals and plants lies in the fact that they are unaware of their greatness. Conscious awareness has given man many advantages, but it also brings with it the rubbish of feelings like guilt, inferiority, vanity and contempt.

Superiority and Inferiority

Feelings of superiority and inferiority are indicative of dependent relationships. When you compare your own qualities to those of others you inevitably create excess potential. On an energetic level it makes no difference whether you express your superiority publicly, or just secretly congratulate yourself on being better than others. Quite obviously, open expressions of superiority cause others to dislike you. People who make comparisons are often striving to artificially boost their own ego at the cost of others. This kind of behaviour always creates excess potential, even if it is just a shadow of the arrogance that is not expressed openly, and balanced forces will come in with a slap.

People compare themselves to the world around them as a means of establishing a sense of their own self worth. However, this type of self-assertion is as illusory as a fly trying to force its way through a pane of glass when the window next to it is wide open. When a person strives to prove their importance to the world, energy is wasted on supporting excess potential. Working on self-development, on the other hand, creates real virtues; no energy is wasted and no harmful excess potential created.

You might think that the amount of energy spent on making a comparison is minimal. In actual fact the energy involved is more than enough to support a relatively powerful charge of excess potential. What determines the charge is how you direct your energy. If your goal is to develop certain qualities in yourself then this intention will propel you forwards. If however, your goal is to demonstrate all your ‘regalia’ to the rest of the world, your wheels will spin helplessly as if caught in a deep rut, going nowhere but creating an irregularity in the energy field. The world will be ‘stunned’ by the shining regalia and balanced forces will take effect. The forces do not have a lot of choice. They can either freshen up the colours of the external world which has been paled by comparison, or reduce the shine of the misplaced star. The first option is of course far too labour intensive and so it only leaves the second. Balanced forces have numerous ways of doing things. They do not have to deprive the ambitious star of its regalia. They can simply send them an unpleasant situation to bring them down a peg or two.

We often perceive problems, obstacles and misfortune to be integral parts of the world we live in. No-one is at all surprised that difficulties, small and large, accompany them throughout their lives. We have all adopted the view that this is the way of the world. In actual fact, misfortune is an anomaly and not a normal phenomenon. Often it is not possible to find a logical explanation for why a problem occurred and why it happened to you in particular. The majority of unpleasant moments we experience are generated by the actions of balanced forces as part of their function in eliminating excess potential created either by you or those in your immediate environment. Most people are unaware of the fact that they have created excess potential and that balanced forces exist and so interpret the problems they face to be the manifestation of some unavoidable dark force.

You can eliminate the majority of the problems you usually face if you relieve yourself of the colossal effort of supporting excess potential. A huge amount of energy is wasted on excess potential that often produces a result which represents the complete opposite of your original intention. To free yourself from the action of balanced forces you have to stop buzzing like a fly against a pane of glass. Switch your intention from increasing your own sense of self-importance to developing the qualities you admire.

You also have to let go of any lurking idea that you are capable of controlling the external world. Irrespective of your place on the social ladder, if you believe you can manipulate the world around you things will definitely go wrong because attempts to change the world destroy the balance. Interference with the workings of the world has a negative affect on the interests of the majority. Transurfing enables you to choose your destiny without compromising anyone else’s interests. This is ultimately much more effective than storming ahead and overcoming all the obstacles in your way. Your fate is truly in your hands but only in the sense that it has been given to you to choose it rather than change it. Many people have suffered failure because they have taken the idea of creating your own destiny literally. There is no place for battle in Transurfing, so you can lay down the weapons of war with relief.

Refusing to behave with superiority has nothing to do with self-deprecation. Belittling your own worth is just the other side of the coin. On an energetic level it is irrelevant which extreme of the complex you embody. The size of the potential created is in direct proportion to the extent with which a person’s evaluation of the world differs from reality. When balanced forces encounter self-importance they knock it off its pedestal. In the case of an inferiority complex they force a person to raise their falsely reduced sense of worth. Balanced forces act directly and without concern for the subtleties of human relationships, and so often, once they start having an impact, a person begins to act less naturally, highlighting the aspects of themselves they would prefer to hide all the more.

For example, teenagers can be defiant as a way of compensating for their feelings of insecurity. Shy people can act in an overly overt fashion in order to hide their shyness. People with low self-esteem want to put their best side forward and so often behave in a manner which is affected and tense, etc. Whatever your psychological make-up, trying to battle against a complex can be more complicated and lead to more unpleasant consequences than the complex itself.

As you know, trying to hide a complex or battling against an inferiority complex is futile. The only way of mitigating its consequences is to eliminate the complex altogether which is no easy task. There is no point in repeatedly telling yourself that everything is wonderful because you cannot fool yourself. The slide technique can be helpful though and we will come to that later.

At this stage it is enough to establish the fact that a preoccupation with your own shortcomings in comparison to the qualities of others has the same effect as desiring to illustrate your comparative eminence. The result will be the opposite of what you originally intended. Do not think that others around you attribute to your shortcomings the same meaning that you do. Everyone is mostly concerned with themselves, and so you can freely relieve yourself of a huge burden. Excess potential will dissipate, balanced forces will cease from accentuating the situation and the freed energy can be used for self-development.

Rather than fighting your flaws or trying to hide them, they can be compensated for with other qualities. Charm can compensate for a lack of physical beauty. There are people who are relatively unattractive in their external appearance but who enthral others with their words. Self-confidence also compensates for physical flaws and many great historical figures were no picture to look at!

The inability to communicate freely can be compensated for by being a good listener: As the saying goes “They’re all lying, but it doesn’t matter because no-one is listening”. Your eloquence may interest people but only to a lesser degree. Everyone, just like you, is focused on themselves and their problems and so a good listener who will let you pour your heart out to them is a real treasure. To those who are genuinely shy, take my advice; guard this quality like a precious jewel. Believe me, there is a hidden charm to shyness. When you let go of fighting your shyness it will stop coming across as clumsiness and you will notice how people begin to find you more attractive.