Her response was little better than a gasp: "You know it!"
He acknowledged this with half a nod; he knew it well, too well.
Now she must have seemed very lovely to the man in that moment of defiance. She saw his eyes lighten with a singular flash, saw his face darken suddenly in the paling moonlight, and heard the sharp sibilance of his indrawn breath.
And whether or not it was so, she fancied the wind had fallen, that the night was hushed once more, and now more profoundly than it had ever been, as though the very world were standing still in anticipation.
She heard him cry, almost angrily: "Oh, damn it, I must not!"
And with that she was in his arms, sobbing, panting, going to heaven against his lips..
Then fell a lull. She was conscious that his embrace relaxed a trifle, heard the murmur of his consternation: "Oh, this is madness, madness!"
But when she tried to release herself his arms tightened.
"No!" he said thickly, "not now-not after this. Don't. I love you!"
She braced her hands against his breast, struggled, thrust him away from her, found herself free at last.
"You don't!" she sobbed miserably; "You don't love me. Don't lie to me! Let me go!"
"Why do you say that? You love me, and I-"
"Don't say it! It isn't true! I know. I threw myself at your head. What else could you do? You care nothing about me; to you I'm just one more silly woman. No; let me be, please! You do not love me-you don't, you don't, you don't!"
He shrugged, relinquished his effort to recapture her, muttered uncertainly: "Blessed if I know!"
Recovering a little, she drew her hands swiftly across face and eyes that still burned with his kisses.
"Oh!" she cried brokenly, "why did you-why did I-?"
"What's the good of asking that? It's done now," he argued with a touch of aggrieved resentment. "I didn't mean-I meant to-I don't know what I meant. Only-never this."
He took an impatient stride or two in the shelter of the shadow, turned back to her, expostulant: "It's too bad! I'd have given worlds-"
"But now I've gone and done it!" she retorted bitterly. In chagrin, her own indignation mounted. "It is too bad, poor Mr. Lyttleton!"
That was too much; he came closer and grasped her wrist. "Why do you talk that way to me?" he demanded wrathfully. "What have I done-?"
"You? Nothing!" she broke in, roughly wrenching her hand free in a fury of humiliation. "Do you ever do anything? Isn't the woman always the aggressor? Never your fault-of course not! But don't, please, worry; I shan't ever remind you. You're quite free to go and forget what's happened as quickly as you like!"
She scrubbed the knuckles of one hand roughly across her quivering lips. "Forget!" she cried. "Oh, if only I might ever.. But that's my penance, the mortification of remembering how I took advantage of the chivalry of a man who didn't care for me-and couldn't!"
"You don't know that," Lyttleton retorted.
Provoked to imprudence by this sudden contrariety, this strange inconsistence, he made a futile attempt to regain her hand. "Don't be foolish. Can't you see I'm crazy about you?"
"Oh, yes!" she laughed, contemptuous.
"You're no fool," he declared hotly. "You know well you can't-a woman like you-play with a man like me as if he were a child. I tell you I-"
He checked himself with a firm hand; since, it seemed, she was one who took such matters seriously. "I'm mad about you," he repeated in a more subdued tone, "and I'd give anything if.. Only.. the deuce of it is, I can't."
"You can't afford to!" she snapped him up. "Oh, I understand you perfectly. Didn't I warn you I was penniless? You can't afford to love a penniless Nobody, can you-a shop-girl masquerading in borrowed finery! No-please don't look so incredulous; you must have guessed. Anyway, that's all I am, or was-a shop-girl out of work-before I was brought here to be Mrs. Gosnold's secretary. And that's all I'll be to-morrow, or as soon as ever she learns that I way lay her men guests at all hours and-steal their kisses!"
"She won't learn that from me," said Lyttleton, "not if you hold your tongue."
She drew back a pace, as though he had made to strike her, and for a moment was speechless, staring into the new countenance he showed her-the set, cold mask of the insolent, conquering male. And chagrin ate at her heart like an acid, so that inwardly she writhed with the pain of it.
"I-!" she breathed, incredulous. "I hold my tongue! Oh! Do you think for an instant I'm anxious to advertise my ignominy?"
"It's a bargain, then?" he suggested coolly. "For my part, I don't mind admitting I'd much rather it didn't ever become known that I, too, was-let's say-troubled with insomnia to-night. But if you say nothing, and I say nothing-why, of course-there's not much I wouldn't do for you, my dear!"
After a little she said quietly: "Of course I deserved this. But I'm glad now it turned out the way it has. Two minutes ago I was wild with the shame of making myself so cheap as to let you-of being such a fool as to dream you would lower yourself to the level of a woman not what you'd call your social equal, who could so far forget her dignity as to let you see she cared for you. But, of course, since I am not that-your peer-but only a shop-girl, I'm glad it's happened. Because now I understand some things better-you, for example. I understand you very well now-too well!"
She laughed quietly to his dashed countenance: "Oh, I'm cured, no fear!" and turned as if to leave him.
He proved, however, unexpectedly loath to let her go.
Such spirit was not altogether new in his experience, but it wasn't every day one met a girl who had it; whatever her social status, here was rare fire-or the promise of it. Nor had he undervalued her; he had suspected as much from the very first; connoisseur that he was, his flair had not deceived him.
His lips tightened, his eyes glimmered ominously.
And she was, in a way, at his mercy. If what she said of herself were true, he need only speak a word and she would be as good as thrown out. Even Abigail Gosnold couldn't protect her, insist on people inviting a shop-girl to their houses. And if such drudgery were really what she had come up from, you might be sure she'd break her heart rather than forfeit all this that she had gained.
And then again she had been all for him from the very first. She had admitted as much out of her own mouth. Her own mouth, for that matter, had taken his kisses-and hungrily, or he was no judge of kissing. Only the surprise of it, his own dumb unreadiness, his unwonted lack of ingenuity and diplomatics had almost lost her to him. Not quite, however; it was not yet too late; and though the risk was great, the penalty heavy if he were discovered pursuing an affair under this roof, the game was well worth the candle.
Thus Mr. Lyttleton to his conscience; and thus it happened that, when she turned to go, he stepped quickly to her side and said quietly: "Oh, please, my dear-one minute."
The unexpected humility of his tone, mixed with the impudence of that term of endearment, so struck her that she hesitated despite the counsel of a sound intuition.
"We mustn't part this way-misunderstanding one another," he insisted, ignoring the hostility in her attitude and modulating his voice to a tone whose potency often had been proved. "Three words can set me right with you, if you'll only listen-"
She said frostily: "Well?"
"Three words." He drew still nearer. "I've said them once to-night. Will you hear them again? No-please listen! I meant what I said, but I was carried out of myself-clumsy-bungled my meaning. You misunderstood, misconstrued, and before I could correct you I'd lost my temper. You said cruel things-just enough, no doubt, from your point of view-and you put words into my mouth, read thoughts into my mind that never were there. And I let you do me that injustice because I'm hot-tempered. And then, I'm not altogether a free agent; I'm not my own master, quite; and that's difficult to explain. If I could make you understand-"
Grown a little calmer, she couldn't deny there was something reasonable in his argument. She really had given him little chance; impulse and instinct had worked upon her, causing her to jump at conclusions which, however well founded in fact, were without excuse in act. If he had kissed her, it wasn't without provocation, nor against her will; she had got no more than she asked for. The trouble was, she no longer wanted it. She had been the dupe of her own folly, by her own romantic bent and the magnetism of the man blinded to the essentially meretricious spirit clothed in the flesh of his engaging person.
It had been a simple and perhaps inevitable infatuation of a mind all too ready to be infatuated, needing heroic treatment-such as she'd had and blushed to remember-to cure. And the shock of waking from that mad dream, no less than the shock of physical contact, had made her frantic and unreasonable. She could but admit that and, admitting it, be generous enough to let him clear himself.
If only he would not insist on his declaration of love, that she knew to be untrue, as if the compliment of it must be a balm to a spirit as bruised as her own!
He went on: "And all this because I seemed to hesitate-because I did hesitate, knowing I couldn't say all I wanted to. And before I could explain-"
"You're not married?" she inquired with an absence of emotion that should have warned him.
"Of course not. But I'm dependent, and good for nothing in a business way. My income is from my family, and depends on their favour. What can I say? I love you-I do-on my soul, I do!"