Beadle's Dime National Speaker, Embodying Gems of Oratory and Wit, Particularly Adapted to American Schools and Firesides

No doubts or fears confound him;
His little flock are link'd in love,
And household angels round him;
He trusts in God and loves his wife,
Nor grief nor ill may harm her,
He's nature's noble man in life —
The Independent Farmer.

MRS. GRAMMAR'S BALL. – Anon

Mrs. Grammar she gave a ball
To the nine different parts of Speech, —
To the big and the tall,
To the short and the small,
There were pies, plums, and puddings for each.

And first, little Articles came,
In a hurry to make themselves known —
Fat A, An, and The,
But none of the three
Could stand for a minute alone.

Then Adjectives came to announce
That their dear friends the Nouns were at hand.
Rough, Rougher, and Roughest,
Tough, Tougher, and Toughest,
Fat, Merry, Good-natured, and Grand.

The Nouns were, indeed, on their way —
Ten thousand and more, I should think;
For each name that we utter —
Shop, Shoulder, and Shutter —
Is a Noun: Lady, Lion, and Link.

The Pronouns were following fast
To push the Nouns out of their places, —
I, Thou, You, and Me,
We, They, He, and She,
With their merry, good-humor'd old faces.

Some cried out – "Make way for the Verbs!"
A great crowd is coming in view —
To Bite and to Smite,
And to Light and to Fight,
To Be, and to Have, and to Do.

The Adverbs attend on the Verbs,
Behind them as footmen they run;
As thus: – "To fight Badly,
They run away Gladly,"
Shows how fighting and running were done.

Prepositions came – In, By, and Near,
With Conjunctions, a poor little band,
As – "Either you Or me,
But Neither them Nor he"
They held their great friends by the hand.

Then, with Hip, Hip, Hurra!
Hushed Interjections uproarious —
"Oh, dear! Well-a-day!"
When they saw the display,
"Ha! ha!" they all shouted out, "Glorious!"

But, alas, what misfortunes were nigh!
While the fun and the feastings pleased each,
There pounced in at once
A monster – a Dunce,
And confounded the Nine parts of Speech!

Help, friends! to the rescue! on you
For aid Noun and Article call, —
Oh, give your protection
To poor Interjection,
Verb, Adverb, Conjunction, and all!

HOW THE MONEY COMES

Queer John has sung, how money goes,
But how it comes, who knows? Who knows?
Why every Yankee mother's son
Can tell you how "the thing" is done.
It comes by honest toil and trade;
By wielding sledge and driving spade,
And building ships, balloons, and drums;
And that's the way the money comes.

How does it come? Why, as it goes,
By spinning, weaving, knitting hose,
By stitching shirts and coats for Jews,
Erecting churches, renting pews,
And manufacturing boots and shoes;
For thumps and twists, and cuts and hues,
And heads and hearts, tongues, lungs, and thumbs
And that's the way the money comes.

How does it come? The way is plain —
By raising cotton, corn, and cane;
By wind and steam, lightning and rain;
By guiding ships across the main;