The Knickerbocker, or New-York Monthly Magazine, March 1844

Of ancient Jordan; when across the Nile
Cæsar swam (hardly, doubtless, through the mud,)
Yet kept his Commentaries dry the while,
This little Kuhbach, like Siloa’s rill,
Or Tiber’s Tide, assiduous and serene,
Ev’n then, the same as now, was murmuring still
Across the wilderness, unnamed, unseen.
Art’s but a mushroom—only Nature’s old;
In yon grey crag six thousand years behold!

From the same chapter of the same book we venture one more extract. It is where the Professor is full of grief and reminiscences; where, reflecting on his first experience of wo in the death of Father Andreas, he becomes once more spirit-clad in quite inexpressible melancholy, and says, ‘I have now pitched my tent under a cypress-tree,’ etc.:

SONNET IV.—BLISS IN GRIEF

Under a cypress-tree I pitch my tent:
The tomb shall be my fortress; at its gate
I sit and watch each hostile armament,
And all the pains and penalties of Fate.
And oh ye loved ones! that already sleep,
Hushed in the noiseless bed of endless rest,
For whom, while living, I could only weep,
But never help in all your sore distress,
And ye who still your lonely burthen bear,
Spilling your blood beneath life’s bitter thrall,
A little while and we shall all meet there,
And one kind Mother’s bosom screen us all;
Oppression’s harness will no longer tire
Or gall us there, nor Sorrow’s whip of fire.

But we are borrowing too much from our embryo volume. Patience, dear Public! until we can find a publisher. In the mean time, examine the specimens we have presented to you. Can any one tell us where to look for sonnets, more satisfactory than these? We congratulate our country on the prospect of our soon having an American literature. Let our industrious young aspirants try a work in which they may succeed in producing something of sterling value. A year or two will suffice to turn half the plodding prose writers of Britain into original poets. Every brilliant article that appears in the Quarterly might here renascent spring forth like Arethusa, in a new and more melodious voice; bubbling up in a pretty epic or stormy lyric. See, for example, how easily Sidney Smith might be done into rhyme:

SONNET V

I never meet at any public dinner
A Pennsylvanian, but my fingers itch
To pluck his borrowed plumage from the sinner,
And with the spoil the company enrich.
His pocket-handkerchief I would bestow
On the poor orphan; and his worsted socks
Should to the widow in requital go
For having sunk her all in Yankee stocks;
To John the footman I would give his hat,
Which only cost six shillings in Broadway:
As for his diamond ring—I’d speak for that;
His gold watch too my losses might repay:
Himself might home in the next steamer hie,
For who would take him—or his word? Not I.

‘Legends of the Conquest of Spain.’—Some eighteen years ago, a work in a single volume, entitled as above, and written by the author of the ‘Sketch-Book,’ was issued from the press of Murray, the celebrated London book-seller. It would seem to have been put forth as a kind of avant-courier of ‘The Chronicles of the Conquest of Granada;’ but unlike that elaborate work, was never republished in this country, and has never been included in any of the complete editions of Mr. Irving’s writings. We are indebted to the kind courtesy of a gentleman who has been spending some months with our distinguished countryman and correspondent at Madrid, for a copy of the book, which he obtained at that capital. We have good reason to believe that it has been encountered by few if any readers on this side the Atlantic. A very stirring extract from its pages will be found elsewhere in this Magazine. Mr. Irving introduces the legends to his readers with a few prefatory sentences, in which he states that he has ventured to dip more deeply into the enchanted fountains of old Spanish chronicle than has usually been done by those who have treated of the eventful period of which he writes; but in so doing, he only more fully illustrates the character of the people and the times. He has thrown the records into the form of legends, not claiming for them the authenticity of sober history, yet giving nothing that had not a historical foundation. ‘All the facts herein contained,’ says the writer, ‘however extravagant some of them may be deemed, will be found in the works of sage and reverend chroniclers of yore, growing side by side with long acknowledged truths, and might be supported by learned and imposing references in the margin.’ To discard every thing wild and marvellous in this portion of Spanish history is to discard some of its most beautiful, instructive, and national features; it is to judge of Spain by the standard of probability suited to tamer and more prosaic countries. Spain is virtually a land of poetry and romance, where every-day life partakes of adventure, and where the least agitation or excitement carries every thing up into extravagant enterprise and daring exploit. The Spaniards in all ages have been of swelling and braggart spirit, soaring in thought, and valiant though vainglorious in deed. When the nation had recovered in some degree from the storm of Moslem invasion, and sage men sought to inquire and write the particulars of the tremendous reverses which it produced, it was too late to ascertain them in their exact verity. The gloom and melancholy that had overshadowed the land had given birth to a thousand superstitious fancies; the woes and terrors of the past were clothed with supernatural miracles and portents, and the actors in the fearful drama had already assumed the dubious characteristics of romance. Or if a writer from among the conquerors undertook to touch upon the theme, it was embellished with all the wild extravagances of an oriental imagination, which afterward stole into the graver works of the monkish historians. Hence the chronicles are apt to be tinctured with those saintly miracles which savor of the pious labors of the cloister, or those fanciful fictions that betray their Arabian Authors. Scarce one of their historical facts but has been connected in the original with some romantic fiction, and even in its divorced state, bears traces of its former alliance. The records in preceding pages are ‘illuminated’ by these prefatory remarks of our author, if their truth be not altogether established! How the Count Julian receives the account of the dishonor of his child, and his conduct thereupon; and how Don Roderick hastens, through various tribulation, to his final overthrow; will be matter for another number. Meanwhile the reader will not fail to note the great beauty of the descriptions, which in the hands of our great master of the power and beauty of ‘the grand old English tongue,’ assume form and color, and stand out like living pictures to the eye.

American Ptyalism: ‘Quid Rides?’—A pleasant correspondent, whom our readers have long known, and as long admired and esteemed, in a familiar gossip, (by favor of ‘Uncle Samuel’s mail-bag,) with the Editor, gives us the following ‘running account’ of his ruminations over an early-morning quid of that ‘flavorous weed’ so well beloved of our friend Colonel Stone. It is in some sort a defence of American ptyalism, and in the tendency of its inculcations, reminds us of the arguments in favor of the cultivation of a refined style of murder, which should constitute it one of the fine arts, to which we gave a place many months back: ‘After having in my broken dreams perambulated every part and parcel of the universe, and then tossed about for hours on an ocean of bodily discomforts, each a dagger to repose, and mental disquietudes, of which any one was enough to wither all the poppies of Somnus, I rose about four o’ my watch, and commenced chewing the narcotic weed of Virginia. For you must know that in childhood almost, through a precocious mannishness and a desire of experimental knowledge, I commenced the habit of tobacco-chewing, and the vice born of a freak, has ‘grown with my growth,’ till now it holds me as in a ‘vice’ screwed up and secured by a giant. (Please observe that there’s a pun in that last sentence.) Where the conventionalities of society compel me to attidunize my appearance and customs into the stiffness of gentility, I puff the Havana; but when the privacy of my own room or the solitude of the roads and fields permit me to vulgarize to my liking, I thrust a ball of ‘Mrs. Miller’s fine-cut,’ or a fragment of the ‘natural James’ River sweet,’ between the sub-maxillary bone and its carnal casement, and then masticate and expectorate ‘à la Yankee.’ or ‘more Americano.’ Pah! oh! fie! for shame! and all other interjections indicative of horror, or expressive of disgust. ‘Quousque tandem?’ Beg your pardon, Mrs. Trollope. ‘Quamdiu etiam?’ I implore your commiseration, Captain Basil. ‘Oh, tempora! oh, mores!’ Have mercy, illustrious and praise-bespattered, and almost Sir-Waltered Boz. Do not, under the uneasy weight of glory, and in the intoxicating consciousness of a right to the oligarchic exclusiveness of the goose-quill ‘haute volèe,’ strike right and left among your sturdy democratic adorers, because they choose to convert their mandibles into quid-grinders, and their χασματ᾿ ὀδόντων into ceaseless jet d’eaux of saliva. Reflect that the ‘quid’ assists in a philosophic investigation of the ‘quiddities’ of things, and that from this habit alone perhaps we have made such advances in casuistry as to have discovered equity in repudiation, freedom in mobocracy, and the sword of justice in the bowie-knife. Chewing is eminently democratic, since all chewers are ‘pro hâc vice’ on a perfect equality, and a ‘millionaire;’ or, for that matter, a ‘billionaire,’ if we had him, would not hesitate to take out of his mouth a moiety of his last ‘chew’ and give it to an itinerant Lazarus. What can be more admirable than this ‘de bon air’ plebeianism, and universal right-hand of fellowship? Does not he who extends among the people the use of this democratizing weed, emphatically give them a ‘quid pro quo?’ Are not slovenliness and filth the virtues of republics, while neatness and elegance are vices of court-growth, and expand into their most ramified and minute perfectness of polish only in the palaces of kings? Furthermore, oh laurelled and triumphant Pickwick! if expectoration be filthy, it must be because the ‘thing expectorated’ is unclean; and if so, is it not more decent to become rid of the ‘unclean thing’ by the readiest process, than to retain it, making the stomach a receptacle of abominations? And are you, Sir Baronet of the realm imaginary, subject to no gross corporeal needs and operations? And if, as you will say, you perform those foul rites in a state of retiracy, are you not adding the sin of hypocrisy to your preëxistent guilt? If it has succeeded to you, as to few penny-a-liners, to have emerged by the sale of your Attic-salt from the attics of Grub-street into the ‘swept and garnished chambers’ of the Regent, and if after quaffing the ale of Bow-street, procured by caricatures of Old Baily reports, you have sipped your hockheimer, while standing, scarce yet unbewildered, in the gas-light splendor reflected from the ‘vis-á-vis’ mirrors of Almack’s, yet do not exalt yourself above all that is fleshly. Reflect that you, so lately unrivalled, can now see a Eugene Sue whose brow is umbraged by laurels of a more luxuriant and lovely green. Cease your expectorations of bile upon a great people; admit that mastication of the ‘odorous vegeble’ is a Spartan virtue; and we will again vote you an Anak in the kingdom of pen and paper. Then again shall we be led to believe that your praises and your vituperations are equally unpurchasable. Then once more shall we think you would swallow no golden pill, nor suffer your throat to be ulcerated by a silver quinsy.’

Gossip With Readers and Correspondents.—If any of our readers are desirous of looking into the rationale of irrationality, to employ a highly ‘unitive’ phrase, let them take up, if they can command it, the ‘Annual Report of the Managers of the New York State Lunatic Asylum,’ one of the clearest and most comprehensive documents in its kind that we have ever perused. It proceeds from the capable pen of A. Brigham, M. D. the superintendent and physician of the institution, and is full upon the definition, causes and classification of insanity; the size and shape of the heads of the patients; the pulse; description of the building; daily routine of business, diet, labor, amusements, religious worship, visitors, suggestions to those who have friends whom they expect to commit to the care of the asylum, etc., etc. The cause of insanity in fifty out of two hundred and seventy-six patients is attributed to religious anxiety, produced by long attendance on protracted religious meetings, etc. Want of sleep is decidedly the most frequent and immediate cause of insanity, and one the most important to guard against. ‘So rarely (says the superintendent) do you see a recent case of insanity that is not preceded by want of sleep, that we regard it as almost the sure precursor of mental derangement.’ As evidences of the difficulty of arranging the insane in classes, founded on symptoms, Dr. Brigham gives us the following synopsis of individual peculiarities noticed among certain of the inmates of the Asylum:

‘In addition to emperors, queens, prophets and priests, we have one that says he is nobody, a nonentity. One that was never born, and one that was born of her grandmother, and another dropped by the devil flying over the world. One has had the throat cut out and put in wrong, so that what is swallowed passes into the head, and another has his head cut off and replaced every night. One thinks himself a child, and talks and acts like a child. Many appear as if constantly intoxicated. One has the gift of tongues, another deals in magic, several in animal magnetism. One thinks he is a white polar bear. A number have hallucinations of sight, others of hearing. One repeats whatever is said to him, another repeats constantly words of the same sound, as door, floor. One is pursued by the sheriff, many by the devil. One has invented the perpetual motion and is soon to be rich; others have already acquired vast fortunes: scraps of paper, buttons and chips are to them, large amounts of money. Many pilfer continually and without any apparent motive, while others secrete every thing they can find, their own articles as well as those of others. A majority are disposed to hoard up trifling and useless articles, as scraps of tin, leather, strings, nails, buttons, etc., and are much grieved to part with them. One will not eat unless alone, some never wish to eat, while others are always starving. One with a few sticks and straws fills his room with officers and soldiers, ships and sailors, carriages and horses, the management of which occupies all his time and thoughts. Some have good memory as regards most things, and singularly defective as to others. One does not recollect the names of his associates, which he hears every hour, yet his memory is good in other respects. One says he is Thomas Paine, author of the ‘Age of Reason,’ a work he has never read; another calls himself General Washington; and one old lady of diminutive size calls herself General Scott, and is never so good-natured as when thus addressed. One is always in court attending a trial, and wondering and asking when the court is to rise. Another has to eat up the building, drink dry the canal, and swallow the Little Falls village, and is continually telling of the difficulty of the task.’

The superintendent prefers a classification founded upon the faculties of the mind that appear to be disordered; and he thinks he could place all his patients in one of the three following classes: Intellectual Insanity, or disorder of the intellect without noticeable disturbance of the feelings and propensities; Moral Insanity or derangement of the feelings, affections, and passions, without any remarkable disorder of the intellect; and General Insanity, in which both the intellectual faculties and the feelings and affections are disordered. The State Asylum is a fine imposing edifice, delightfully situated near the pleasant village of Utica, in Oneida county, and is becoming greatly distinguished for success in the treatment and cure of insanity. ••• We heard a little anecdote at a bal costumé the other evening, (whether from the dignified and stately Helen Macgregor or the beautiful Medora, we ‘cannot well make out,’) which is worth repeating. A retired green-grocer, rejoicing in the euphonious name of Tibbs, living at Hackney, near London, sorely against his will, and after warm remonstrance, finally yielded to his wife’s entreaty that he would go in character to a masquerade-ball, given to the ‘middling interest’ by one of his old neighbors. He went accoutred as a knight, wearing his visor down. What was his surprise on entering the room, to find first one and then another member of the motley company slapping him familiarly on the back, with: ‘Halloa! Tibbs! who thought to see you here! What’s the news at Hackney?’ In dismay that his ridiculous secret was out, he hurried from the scene, and hastened home in a state of great excitement from the mortification to which he had been subjected. ‘I told you I should be known,’ said he to his wife; ‘I knew I should!’ ‘No wonder!’ she replied; ‘you’ve got your name and residence on your steel cap: ‘Mr. Tibbs, Hackney!’’ He had forgotten to remove the address which the London costumer had affixed to it as a direction! ••• How many thousand times, in thinking of the onward career of our glorious and thrice-blessed country, have we felt the emotions to which our esteemed friend and contributor, Polygon, gives forceful expression in the closing lines of a beautiful poem of his, which we have encountered to-day for the first time:

‘Oh! long through coming ages, born
When we shall slumber cold and still,
The sultry summer will adorn
The verdant vale and hazy hill;
And Autumn walking even and morn
Through bearded wheat and rustling corn,
See Plenty from her streaming horn
His largest wishes fill.
‘Europe’s rich realms will then admire
And emulate our matchless fame,
And Asia burn with fierce desire
To burst her galling bonds of shame!
Greece will resume th’ Aonian lyre,
And Rome again to heaven aspire,
And vestal Freedom’s quenchless fire
From the pyramids shall flame!’

There is a sort of pathetic humor in the following parody by Punch upon the prize exhibitions of cattle in England. A more forcible exposition of the different condition of the human and brute animal in that country could not well be conceived. It must be premised that a large hall is fitted up with pens on either side, and over the head of the occupant paste-board tickets are appended by the Poor Law Commissioners, detailing their names, weights, ages, the regimen to which they have been subjected, and other particulars; as thus: ‘Peter Small. Aged forty. Weight at period of admission twelve stone. Confined three months. Present weight nine stone. Fed principally on water-gruel. Has been separated from his wife and children in the work-house, and occasionally placed in solitary confinement for complaining of hunger. Employment, breaking stones.’ ‘Jane Wells. Aged seventy. Weight five stone; lost two stone since her admission, one month ago. Gruel diet; tea without sugar; potatoes and salt. Has been set to picking opium.’ ‘John Tompkins. Aged eighty-five. Has seen better days. On admission, weighed eleven stone, which has been reduced to eight and three-quarters. Diet, weak soup, with turnips and carrots; dry bread and cheese-parings; a few ounces of meat occasionally, when faint. Came to the work-house with his wife, who is five years younger than himself. Has not been allowed to see her for a month; during which period has lost in weight two ounces on an average per day. Employed in carrying coals.’ Faithful portraits, no doubt, of thousands who crowd the thick-clustering pauper-houses of England, who have

‘No blessed leisure for love nor hope,
But only time for grief!’

Our umqwhile New-Haven friend, who commented upon our ‘light gossip’ a few months since, will pardon us for quoting, in corroboration of the exculpatory ‘position’ which we assumed in alluding to his animadversions, the following remarks by the author of the ‘Charcoal Sketches,’ Joseph C. Neal, Esq.: ‘Gossip, goodly gossip, though sometimes sneered at, is after all the best of our entertainments. We must fall back upon the light web of conversation, upon chit-chat, as our main-stay, our chief reliance; as that corps de reserve on which our scattered and wearied forces are to rally. What is there which will bear comparison as a recreating means, with the free and unstudied interchange of thought, of knowledge, of impression about men and things, and all that varied medley of fact, criticism and conclusion so continually fermenting in the active brain? Be fearful of those who love it not, and banish such as would imbibe its delights yet bring no contribution to the common stock. There are men who seek the reputation of wisdom by dint of never affording a glimpse of their capabilities, and impose upon the world by silent gravity; negative philosophers, who never commit themselves beyond the utterance of a self-evident proposition, or hazard their position by a feat of greater boldness than is to be found in the avowal of the safe truth which has been granted for a thousand years. There is a deception here, which should never be submitted to. Sagacity may be manifest in the nod of Burleigh’s head; but it does not follow that all who nod are Burleighs. He who habitually says nothing, must be content if he be regarded as having nothing to say, and it is only a lack of grace on his part which precludes the confession. In this broad ‘Vienna’ of human effort, the mere ‘looker-on’ cannot be tolerated. It is part of our duty to be nonsensical and ridiculous at times, for the entertainment of the rest of the world. If we are never to open our mouths until the unsealing of the aperture is to give evidence of a present Solomon, and to add something to the Book of Proverbs, we must for the most part, stand like the statue of Harpocrates, with ‘Still your finger on your lips, I pray.’ If we do speak, under such restrictions, it cannot well be, as the world is constituted, more than once or twice in the course of an existence, the rest of the sojourn upon earth being devoted to a sublimation of our thought. But always wise, sensible, sagacious, rational; always in wig and spectacles; always algebraic and mathematical; doctrinal and didactic; ever to sit like Franklin’s portrait, with the index fixed upon ‘causality;’ one might as well be a petrified ‘professor,’ or a William Penn bronzed upon a pedestal. There is nothing so good, either in itself or in its effects, as good nonsense.’ Upon reading the foregoing, we laid Mr. Yellowplush’s ‘flattering function’ to our soul, that after all, we need not greatly distrust the reception of our monthly salmagundi, since one good producer and critic may be held as in some sort an epitome of the public; and especially, since any one subsection of our hurried Gossip, should it chance to be dull, or void of interest, may be soon exhausted, or easily skipped. ••• We observed lately, in the pages of a monthly contemporary, an elaborate notice of the poems of Alfred Tennyson, who has written many somewhat affected and several very heartful and exquisite verses; and were not a little surprised to find no reference to two of the most beautiful poems in his collection; namely, the ‘New-Year’s Eve,’ and its ‘Conclusion.’ The first embodies the reflections of a young maiden, sinking gradually under that fell destroyer, Consumption. It is new-year’s eve, and she implores her mother to ‘call her early,’ that she may see the sun rise upon the glad new year, the last that she shall ever see. How touchingly the associations of nature are depicted in these stanzas:

To-night I saw the sun set: he set and left behind
The good old year, the dear old time, and all my peace of mind;
And the New-year’s coming up, mother, but I shall never see
The blossom on the black thorn, the leaf upon the tree.
There’s not a flower on all the hills: the frost is on the pane:
I only wish to live till the snow-drops come again:
I wish the snow would melt, and the sun come out on high;
I long to see a flower so before the day I die.
The building rook will caw from the windy tall elm-tree,
And the tufted plover pipe along the fallow lea,
And the swallow will come back again with summer o’er the wave.
But I shall lie alone, mother, within the mouldering grave.
Upon the chancel-casement, and upon that grave of mine,
In the early, early morning the summer sun will shine;
Before the red cock crows from the farm upon the hill,
When you are warm asleep, mother, and all the world is still.
When the flowers shall come again, mother, beneath the waning light,
You’ll never see me more in the long gray fields at night: