The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 10, No. 287, December 15, 1827

    VIRGIL.
I have years on my back forty-eight,

    SHAKSPEARE'S King Lear.
Four-and-twenty lap-dogs, all of a row,
Four-and-twenty monkeys, kits, and cats, dit-to;
Four-and-twenty colours in her tawdry dress,
(A rainbow she in all—but its loveliness!)
Four-and-twenty tempers, in the four-and-twenty hours;
Four-and-twenty dreams of suppos'd vanquished pow'rs,
To wit of four-and-twenty swains—more or less;
Who have four-and-twenty times, curs'd her ugliness!
Four-and-twenty trials, ere as many hours are o'er,
Of four-and-twenty genera of rival Kalydor;
Four-and-twenty scentings with her dear bergamot,
Four-and-twenty daubs of her dear paint-pot;
Four-and-twenty visitings to four-and-twenty friends,
And four-and-twenty tales of 'em, before the day ends;
Of these said four-and-twenty tales just four-and-twenty versions,
And all of them of all the facts most farcica perversions.
Four-and-twenty false curls, * *

Four-and-twenty false teeth, and quite as false a tongue,
Which tells how virtuous was the world when—she and it were young.
Or rather for these thirty years has moralizing told,
How this good deed and that she'll do, before she grows old:
Four-and-twenty sighs a-day, that our rude English sky
Is not precise as she—and may wash off the dye
Meretricious of her cheeks, which are then like gold,
(Though less tempting;) sweet and yellow as a marigold![2 - So much for the "heinous crime of self-painting;" as Lord Chesterfield says; in speaking of which, "It is even whispered about the town, (he observes) of that excellent artist, Mr. Liobard, that he lately refused a fine woman to draw her picture, alleging that he never copied any body's works but his own and God Almighty's!"]
Four-and-twenty wailings o'er the wedded state,
Yet twice as many every day 'tis not her fate;
Pretending to the world 'tis mere choice that has led
To singleness—yet choosing all the while to be wed,
If any doting fool could be doting fool enough
To bid for such a breaking down piece of stuff;
For any such a winter, that has shed the flowers of spring,
Whose autumn too is flown; nor left its fruit or any thing!
Yes, such are the marks deep branded on a class
Of busy blanks, non-entities, creation's very farce;
In these scales then be every piece of Eve's flesh weighed,
Find these criteria, and be sure you've found an—Ancient Maid!

W. P–N

ANECDOTES, ROYAL AND NOBLE

(For the Mirror.)

James the First

Robert Cecil, great grandson to the first Earl of Salisbury, told Lord Dartmouth that his ancestor, inquiring into the character of king James, Bruce (his majesty's own ambassador) answered, "Ken ye a John Ape? en I's have him, he'll bite you; en you's have him, he'll bite me."

Sir Edward Seymour

Speaker of the House of Commons, was one day coming to his duty, when his coach happening to break down, he ordered the beadle to stop the first gentleman's coach they met, and bring it to him. The owner felt much surprised to be turned out of his own coach; but Sir Edward told him it was much more proper for him to walk in the streets than the speaker of the House of Commons; and accordingly left him to do so without farther apology.—This arbitrary exercise of authority is perhaps without a parallel.

Henry the Fourth

Of France used to say that a king should have the heart of a child towards God, but the heart of a father towards his subjects.

George the Third

His late majesty was very partial to Mr. Carbonel, the wine-merchant, and frequently admitted him to the royal hunts. Returning from the chase one day, the king entered affably into conversation with his wine-merchant, and rode with him side by side a considerable distance. Lord Walsingham was in attendance, and watching an opportunity, called Mr. C. aside, and whispered something to him. "What's that? what has Walsingham been saying to you?" inquired the good-humoured monarch. "I find, sire, I have been unintentionally guilty of disrespect by not taking off my hat when I address your majesty; but you will please to observe, that whenever I hunt my hat is fastened to my wig, and my wig to my head; and as I am mounted on a very spirited horse, if any thing goes off, we must all go off together." The king laughed heartily at the whimsical apology.

The Duke of Wellington

A certain noble lord, who was the duke's aide-de-camp, visited his grace early on the morning of the battle of Salamanca, and perceiving him lying on a very small camp bedstead, observed, "that his grace had not room to turn himself;" who immediately, in his usual characteristic manner, rejoined, "When you have lived as long and seen so much as I have, you will know, that when a general thinks of turning in his bed, it is full time to turn out."

Rubens

An artist named Brendel, possessed with the folly of the "philosopher's stone," proposed to Rubens to join him in the discovery of that mystery. He replied, "Your application is too late; for these twenty years past my pencils and pallet have revealed to me the secret about which you are so anxious."

Queen Elizabeth

When the ambassador of Henry IV. of France was in England, the queen asked him one birth-night, which was attended by a splendid assembly of the court, how he liked her ladies. Knowing her majesty was not averse to flattery, he made the following elegant reply: "It is hard, madam, to judge of stars in the presence of the sun."

Louis XIII

Was remarkable in his youth for piety; entering a little village, the better sort of inhabitants wished to attend him with a canopy. He answered, "I hear you have no church here. I cannot suffer a canopy of state to be borne over my head in a place where God hath not a consecrated roof to dwell under."

Sigismund

Emperor of Germany, being once asked what was the surest method of living happy in the world, replied, "By doing in health those good works you promised to do on the bed of sickness."

JACOBUS

ARCANA OF SCIENCE

Thunder and Lightning

Conductors affixed to houses should always be pointed, and the point should be kept in a state of cleanliness, and the conductors should terminate in a moist stratum of earth, or in London it might safely be conveyed into the common sewer. It has been objected to the use of pointed conductors, that we invite the lightning to the point; and that is true to a certain extent, and in gunpowder mills the conductor should be placed at some distance from the building. The conducting rod should be of copper or iron, and from half to three-fourths of an inch in diameter, so as not to be readily forced. Its upper end should be elevated about three or four feet above the highest part of the building, and all the metallic parts of the roof should be connected with the rod, which should be continuous throughout. As regards the question of what is the safest situation in a thunder-storm, we should be pretty safe in the middle of a large room in bed; we should be pretty safe among the feathers, which are bad conductors; but as the bell-wires will conduct the electricity into the room, the bed should be removed from them. It would be well to stand at a distance from the chimney on a woollen rug, which is a non-conductor. When out of doors, I scarcely need to say, that you should never stand under a tree; the tree being moist, the electric fluid generally passes down between the bark and the substance of the tree, splitting it in all directions, and the lightning will pass to the best conductor near it; if any unfortunate animal should happen to be under the tree, it will be killed. The safest plan is to go toward the middle of the field, at a distance from any tree, and to stretch yourself out upon the ground, although this is not a very pleasant situation, especially in hard rain. During a thunder-storm, the earth is in a state of electricity as well as the clouds, and the light and heat which are produced at the explosion indicate the annihilation of the two electricities. Sometimes the discharge is only from cloud to cloud, sometimes from the earth to the clouds, and sometimes from the clouds to the earth, as one or other may be in the positive or negative state. The clouds are usually more or less electrical when the vapour, floating about in the atmosphere, is condensed, and the earth being brought into an opposite state of electricity by induction, a discharge takes place, when the clouds approach within a certain distance, and sometimes the electric cloud perches upon a hill, and then discharges itself. The electricity passes through the clouds in a zig-zag direction, and the undulation of the air which it produces is the cause of the noise which we hear, called thunder, which is more or less intense, and of longer or shorter duration, according to the quantity of air acted upon, and the distance of the place where the report is heard from the point of discharge. If the danger be great, we have seldom any opportunity to count the time which elapses between the appearance of the lightning and the report: electrical effects take place at no sensible time; it has been found, that a discharge through a circuit of four miles is instantaneous, whilst sound moves at the rate of about twelve miles in a minute. So that, supposing the lightning to pass through a space of some miles, the explosion will be first heard from the point of the air agitated nearest to the spectator; it will gradually come from the more remote parts of the course of the electricity, and, last of all, will be heard from the very extremity; and the different degrees of the agitation of the air, and the difference of the distance, will account for the different intensities of the sound, and its apparent reverberations and changes. If you can count from two to three seconds between the appearance of the lightning and the sound, there is seldom much danger; and when the interval is a quarter of a minute, you are secure.—Brande's Lectures.—Lancet.

New Crane

A crane for raising weights, on an entirely new principle—that of the application of the lever, assisted by wedges, instead of the usual plan of wheel and pinion, for multiplying power—has recently been constructed at the West India Docks. The power of two men, with the patent crane, is stated to be capable of lifting from 2-1/2 to 3 times the weight lifted through the same space in a given time, by the best constructed cranes on the old principle of wheel machinery.

Etching on Ivory