The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 10, No. 290, December 29, 1827

I was determined to get into the church, though it was so early; and, accordingly, after a little trouble, I found out the sexton, a fine old fellow, with a Saxon name, who was munching his breakfast in a large old-fashioned room with latticed casements, half kitchen and half parlour. But he was too busy with his meal to be disturbed; and accordingly he sent his wife with me to open the church, and I believe our footsteps were the first which had that morning disturbed the holy silence of the place. The building is very fine, and even stately; but the interest connected with Shakspeare absorbs all other feelings, and monopolizes one's admiration. I stood under his monument, on the very stone of his grave. * * *

Ibid

THE GATHERER

"I am but a Gatherer and disposer of other men's stuff."—Wotton.

LORD RUSSEL

When my Lord Russel was on the scaffold, and preparing to be beheaded, he took his watch out of his pocket and gave it to Dr. Burnet, who assisted his devotions, with this observation: "My time-piece may be of service to you: I have no further occasion for it. My thoughts are fixed on eternity."

EPITAPH ON A SCOLD

Here lies my wife; and heaven knows,
Not less for mine than her repose!

ON A MAN WHOSE NAME WAS PENNY

Reader, if in cash thou art in want of any,
Dig four feet deep and thou shalt find A PENNY.

DRAMATIC SKETCH OF A THIN MAN

A long lean man, with all his limbs rambling—no way to reduce him to compass, unless you could double him like a pocket rule—with his arms spread, he'd lie on the bed of Ware like a cross on a Good Friday bun—standing still, he is a pilaster without a base—he appears rolled out or run up against a wall—so thin that his front face is but the moiety of a profile—if he stands cross-legged, he looks like a Caduceus, and put him in a fencing attitude, you would take him for a piece of chevaux-de-frise—to make any use of him, it must be as a spontoon or a fishing-rod—when his wife's by, he follows like a note of admiration—see them together, one's a mast and the other all hulk—she's a dome, and he's built together like a glass-house—when they part, you wonder to see the steeple separate from the chancel, and were they to embrace, he must hang round her neck like a skein of thread on a lace-maker's bolster—to sing her praise, you should choose a rondeau; and to celebrate him, you must write all Alexandrines.—Sheridan's MSS. in Moore's Life of him.

A man of words and not of deeds,
Is like a garden full of seeds.

STOLEN GOODS

A Negro in Jamaica was tried for theft, and ordered to be flogged. He begged to be heard, which being granted, he asked—"If white man buy tolen goods why he be no flogged too?" "Well," said the judge, "so he would." "Dere, den," replied Mungo, "is my Massa, he buy tolen goods, he knew me tolen, and yet he buy me."—Elgin Courier.

DECREASE OF LUNACY IN LONDON

According to the Parliamentary Returns in May, 1819, the total number of lunatics comprised in the circle of London and different private asylums, amounted to 2,005, which Dr. Burrows calculates as proving an increase of only five on an average in twenty years, notwithstanding the increase of our population. The late Dr. Heberden and Dr. Willan both concurred in this statement. The large district of Mary-la-bonne, which some years ago comprehended the greatest proportion of inhabitants in the metropolis, not less than 80,000,—from 1814 to the year 1819 received only 180 female lunatics, and 118 males.

INGREDIENTS OF MODERN LOVE

Twenty glances, twenty tears,
Twenty hopes, and twenty fears,
Twenty times assail your door,
And if denied, come twenty more,
Twenty letters perfumed sweet,
Twenty nods in every street,
Twenty oaths, and twenty lies,
Twenty smiles, and twenty sighs,
Twenty times in jealous rage,
Twenty beauties to engage,
Twenty tales to whisper low,
Twenty billet-doux to show,
Twenty times a day to pass,
Before a flattering looking-glass,
Twenty times to stop your coach,
With twenty words of fond reproach,
Twenty days of keen vexation,
Twenty opera assignations,
Twenty nights behind the scenes,
To dangle after mimic queens,
Twenty such lovers may be found,
Sighing for twenty thousand pounds,
But take my word, ye girls of sense,
You'll find them not worth twenty-pence.

GREAT AND SMALL

A shopkeeper at Poncaster had, for his virtues, obtained the name of the little rascal. A stranger asked him why this application was given him? "To distinguish me from the rest of my trade," quoth he, "who are all great rascals."

C.F.E

THE LAW, PROFESSORS OF, IN ENGLAND:—

Law List

EPIGRAM FROM THE SPANISH OF REBOLLEDO

(For the Mirror.)

Fair Phillis has fifty times registered vows,
That of Christian or Turk, she would ne'er be the spouse,
For wedlock so much she disdain'd,
And neither of these she has married, 'tis true,
For now she's the wife of a wealthy old Jew;
And thus she her vow has maintain'd!

E.L.J

THE LAWYER AND HIS CLIENT

Two lawyers, when a knotty cause was o'er,
Shook hands and were as good friends as before,
"Zounds!" says the losing client, "how come yaw
To be such friends, who were such foes just naw?"
"Thou fool," says one, "we lawyers tho' so keen,
Like shears, ne'er cut ourselves, but what's between."

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