20 MINUTES TO MASTER … STRESS MANAGEMENT

ARE YOU A STRESS-PRONE TYPE? (#u894a4255-08a0-5822-9ef2-592ecec9f69d)

We perceive changes and stressors in our own unique ways. Depending on our background, upbringing and present circumstances, we may find ourselves coping with stress much better than our neighbour or colleague at work. Some of us are born with greater resilience than others, enabling us to stay calm longer than the next person when the going gets tough.

Apart from resilience and adaptability to change, we also bring with us particular dispositions when we are born. Anyone who has children or who is close to a family with small children will be able to confirm how different they are right from the start. One baby is placid and sleeps through the night very early on, whereas another baby will be more wakeful and excitable. One child plays happily on their own, whereas another one has to be entertained a lot to be content. These individual predispositions, together with the manner in which parents bring up their children, will result in various personality types – some of which are particularly vulnerable to stress.

THE ANXIOUS PERSON

This personality type will be lacking somewhat in self-confidence, unsure of their abilities even if others try to be reassuring. Anxious people are reluctant to express any negative emotions openly and are often incapable of saying ‘no’ if someone makes unreasonable demands on them. This unwillingness and fear to stand up for themselves comes either from a distorted sense of duty (something that has usually been drummed into them during childhood) or from the mistaken belief that they will make themselves unpopular if they do not comply with other people’s wishes. Even though anxious people appear to be conformist, they often harbour strong resentments against those whose wishes they seem to carry out so willingly.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Anxious people tend to go for undemanding jobs, which can easily lead them to becoming frustrated and bored. If they progress to a more responsible job they tend to feel easily hassled when the workload increases and will often take their unease out on others.

THE PERFECTIONIST

Perfectionists like everything to be in its proper place and done at the proper time. Routine is of great importance, as is detail. Mistakes are not tolerated – they will even rewrite a handwritten, informal message if their pen slips or a word has been misspelled. This rather plodding way of dealing with life works out well as long as the job in hand is stable and predictable. Perfectionists are usually hard-working and reliable, but not equipped to deal with sudden emergencies or change.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Their great problems adapting to change, and their unwillingness to give up established routines, can cause stress for perfectionists if they find themselves distracted from their routines. Their diligent attention to detail means that they are creating stress for themselves when better prioritization and a more even-handed approach to less important tasks could easily save the day.

THE STIMULUS-SEEKER

This personality type strives on risk and is often addicted to the rush of adrenalin which accompanies any venture. Stimulus-seekers have a certain dare-devil attitude and can be quite brilliant at what they are doing, be it in sports or in the business world. However, they have a very limited attention span. Once the thrill is over, they move on to the next project. They are often not concerned with details and leave others to do the menial parts of a job while they attend to the ‘big picture’. Stimulus-seekers will typically choose professions where risk-taking promises to yield great amounts of money and/or esteem.

STRESS PROBLEMS

Stimulus-seekers experience the risks of their ventures as beneficial stress, and thrive on it. Their minds race with possibilities rather than worries, and as a consequence they tend to smoke and drink too much. Substance abuse and its negative side-effects are more common in stimulus-seekers than are mental and/or physical illness.

THE AMBITIOUS TYPE (A-TYPE)

A-type personalities tend to be hard-driven and aggressive, channelling all their energies into their work. A-types have little or no time for a social life or hobbies; they live, think and dream ‘work’. They have problems delegating and are highly critical of themselves and others, often becoming impatient and angry when things do not run smoothly. They find it impossible to sit down quietly and do nothing; they are constantly moving, jiggling their knees and tapping their fingers – in times of stress they tend to do several things at the same time. They also find it hard to concentrate fully on conversations because they are already racing ahead in their mind, thinking about the next thing they want to do.

The A-type personality is the stress category that has been most widely studied. This type is found not just in high-level jobs, but all the way through the various strata of society.

STRESS PROBLEMS

In their efforts to control everything and everyone around them, A-types exert themselves physically and mentally. They are unable to recognize when they have reached their limit and will typically suffer from high blood pressure. A-types are prone to coronary heart disease, ulcers and atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries).

All stress-prone types of personality are driven by one thing: fear. The anxious person is afraid to be unpopular and to be considered unhelpful; the perfectionist is afraid of being ‘only human’; the stimulus-seeker is afraid of boredom; and the A-type is afraid of not being seen to achieve. Even though certain personality traits can predispose a person to have these fears, one’s upbringing also plays a part. Below we look at some of the factors that can lead to a personality type that is vulnerable to stress.

PRESSURE TO SUCCEED

When children are pressurized by parents and teachers constantly to achieve the very best results, and if love and approval are dependent on high performance, some children will internalize these conditions and later live their lives accordingly. Self-worth becomes totally dependent on achievements. Without achievements, they feel that they are nobody and that nobody will respect them. Within these rules there is no room for grey areas; there is only black and white.

CRITICISM

When criticized frequently and in an unconstructive manner, some children will withdraw, hoping to avoid further humiliation by keeping a low profile. They stop trying out new things, become anxious and unconfident in their own abilities and grow up to live their lives trying to please others and gain their approval in an attempt to maintain their own self-esteem.

LONELINESS

When children are shown little or no affection or interest they can grow up without self-worth or confidence in their own validity as human beings. As a consequence, their entry into the adult world of work can constitute an escape from these feelings of worthlessness. In their attempt to justify their existence, they may dedicate themselves over-zealously to their work.

OVERPROTECTION

Parents who do everything for their children prevent them from becoming independent and from having the opportunity to test their strength against the everyday world. This restrictive upbringing can lead to resentment and rebellion, coupled with great fear at what there is ‘out there’. As overprotected children grow up they keep on struggling with the same issues – not wanting to be controlled but at the same time fearing the freedom of being an independent person.

Now that we have looked at the personality types most affected negatively by stress, and some of the factors leading to becoming one of these types, it is time for you to judge for yourself whether you are in fact more prone to stress than most.

CHAPTER 3

QUESTIONNAIRE: CHECK YOUR PERSONALITY STRESS FACTORS (#u894a4255-08a0-5822-9ef2-592ecec9f69d)

This questionnaire is made up of four categories of questions, grouped together according to the stress types we looked at in the previous chapter. Make a note of each statement that is true for you, giving yourself 1 point for each. Try to do this quickly, without pondering over individual statements for too long.

WHAT ANXIOUS PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

Others take advantage of me but I feel unable to stop them.

I am very upset by rows, even if they are between other people.

I prefer the devil I know rather than change to something new, even if it could be better for me.

I find it difficult to express my needs to others because I feel this might be selfish and self-indulgent.

Even if the other person has made a mistake, it is me who ends up apologizing.

I find it very difficult to take the initiative, either socially or professionally.

I cannot openly show my emotions, especially not the negative ones like anger or annoyance.

I never seem to get what I want.

WHAT PERFECTIONISTS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

I need to have everything ‘just so’.

I plan and carry out any work I do to the highest possible standard.

I greatly dislike it when my daily routine gets disrupted.

I am upset when things are not done as they should be done.

I get very agitated when I am prevented from finishing a job properly; I can only relax when all the ‘t’s are crossed and ‘i’s dotted.

My thoroughness makes me fall behind quite often.

I find myself mulling over how I could have done things better in the past.