The Mist and the Lightning. Part V

“Wil, when I die, take the portrait of my mother off the wall, you know

… in my room … in the bedroom.” Take it off and open the cache, it is not locked … for a long time. There is a box … Take the letter, it will lie at the top … I put it on top of all the other documents and it is written in large letters Vil Luven … Do you understand what I'm saying?

“I understand, don't chew everything on me like that,” I said. – But why all this? What do you mean, you will not be? What kind of stupid thoughts do you have? “Shut up!” he said it harshly, in his command style, and for a moment it was the same Arel, and I belted up …

“Listen to me! Listen carefully! Take care of people, take care! People, the mass that everyone needs, while you do it, you will be useful.

Because someone who would do this work is needed. This is your chance to stay. Stay helpful!”

And it said Arel! Who has always been spat on people! I did not believe my ears! He told me to take good care of people! What happens to him? I would have been glad if he had said that before … But now … Now, it frightened me even more than his insane look!

Where? Where is the brilliant combination of mind, strength and feeling? Where is the power that terrified anyone who saw him … Who heard his voice … Who watched how simple he was holding, while still remaining inaccessible … Where is everything that I loved so much and why did I forgive everything?! Nothing left! He seemed sucked.

Apparently, all the troubles, which in many ways he himself brought down on his head, nevertheless did their dirty deed, and emptied him, broke it … It hurts me to look at it!

What should I do?

“In any case, I will not abandon people,” I said. «Whatever happens, I will try to take care of them …”

And Arel smiled (now it is so rare).

“Then I am calm for you,” he said, and without saying a word, he got up and left …

And I was scared … It is terrible for him, for the others … They may not be very good people, but they suffer from it. Suffer, I know for sure. I see! But before he was different! Arel was funny, I remember … He was pretty witty joking; and he was always flap about … He laughed at the jokes of others. And I so wanted to be with them! To be with them, sit with them at one table and laugh, not paying any attention to the rest. It seemed to me then that they are so friendly, they love each other so much … Real like-minded people! It seemed to me that they certainly never feel lonely, because they are together! I remember one night when they arrived at “Backara” … They sat down at their desk … Not far from the entrance … And I was sitting by the opposite wall and I saw them, although the tables in “Backara” were separated from each other by walls. I sat and looked at them, but they didn’t do anything special …

They just drank and talked … I didn’t hear what about, it was too noisy in the hall …Drunken visitors rattled around, music was playing… And I was sitting far away… Arel and others did not pay attention to anyone, communicating in their close circle. And I wanted so much to be noticed by them, I wanted them to pay attention to me …

I wanted it so much! I understood … Somewhere deep in my heart I understood … That this will not happen … That they are not interested in me… Absolutely… But I was driving these thoughts away … Eagerly staring into them… They were together … And I was alone! And I was a little sad about this …Although I'm used to the loneliness … And yet, when I looked at them, I was sad … I wanted to know what they were talking about …

They laughed all the time …

Now I understand that they laughed because they were probably nicely stoned … But then I did not understand this … And I wanted to carefree laugh with them!

They had fun with each other, I did not doubt it … It was clear …And further more… It was somehow felt from the inside … They were great … And I envied at them … I thought whether they themselves appreciated these feelings, or were already so used to them that they did not feel this happiness … Happiness to be truly united with someone …

And they were like a loadstone, as I also wanted to sit there!

My dream has come true…

I'm with them … But am I really happy?

They never accepted me into their circle … And was it?

There was no friendship and unity, kinship of souls and other things, all this is nonsense! My naive inventions!

My shattered illusions …

Chapter one

The Castle

“Give it to me!” Arel approached his master, Niktostepped back a few steps. “Give!”

“No!”

Arel howled, it was a mix of rage and despair. Again, with a jerk rushed to him so that Nikto had no time to step aside. Nikto hit him, lightly, not hard, more likely just for the sake of diversity, than pursuing any goal.

Arel stopped, freezed for a second, as if he did not immediately realize what had just happened to him. Then he collapsed on his knees and, bent over, crouching at Nikto's feet, knocked his forehead on the floor several times, well, that it was covered with carpets. Nikto tried to push him away from him, but Arel already grabbed him with an iron grip. Lame Nikto barely kept his feet. He hit Arel several times with his cane, already harder than before. Arelunhooked, remained lying on the floor.

“Give it to me,” he whined.

“Look at yourself! Where is your will?”

Arel raised his face to his tormentor, licked his dry lips:

“I am no longer a prince. I'm a slave! I have no will!”

Nikto with contempt and in some desperation shoved him with a boot in the face. Arel overturned backwards, but immediately sat down, again turning his gaze to such an unjustifiably cruel master.

“You're so pathetic”, said Nikto.

Arel was silent. In silence he demolished his derogatory look, the way Nikto looked at him coldly.And Nikto was looking at Arel's messy, tangled hair, at his dye-covered face, the skin on which again began to peel off. Arel was so thin that it was generally strange how he was able to raise his sword.

“Is my appearance depressing you?” Arel asked without reverting the eyes from those attentive, but such cold, bright eyes. “Well”, he shrugged resignedly. “After all, you did this to me, disfigured both my body and soul. I was free, and now I am not. You look at your work, and to see me like this – your payment for owning me!”

“I didn't want this,” answered Nikto. “I didn't want this,” he repeated, looking away, turning away. “Damn! I wanted to help you! And you die! You die on my eyes!”

“If you don’t give me your medicine, I’ll actually die! Why are you torturing me! Why are you so cruel?! What is my fault this time? What have I done wrong?!”

“I just wanted to help.” pronounced Nikto sad and thoughtful. His voice became a little softer, and Arelimmediately caught it, in a new desperate attempt he threw himself at his feet, from where only the forces were taken.

“It hurts,” he said plaintively.

“Arel, Arel, I do not know how to cure you!”

“You know!” growled Arel frustrated and already with malice. “Your medicines! Your drug! You’ve made me addicted! And now you don’t know! And what should I do? Go to Sguint-Eye?! But he has not the same, they do not bring me such relief! And the hungover is twice as strong!”

“I didn’t give you drugs,” Nobody faltered, picking up words. “I did not give you the drug in the true meaning of the word.”

Arel looked at him with great doubt.

“Don’t look at me as if I really am the fiend of hell, ruining your innocent soul! You're like your mother! Even worse, your illness began to manifest earlier and stronger! If I didn't give you these … These sedatives from time to time. That’s all! It’s the end! I delayed this moment as much as possible! But your madness is developing whith such a speed that it cannot be stopped!”

Arel covered his face with trembling hands:

“Like mom,” he whispered. I felt it … These parishes, from time to time

… Why didn’t you tell me before?”