As Far as the Stars

I stare up at him. ‘I will?’

‘Yes, you will,’ he says firmly, like there’s no alternative. He looks at me through the strands of tangled hair that fall over his forehead. ‘You said that your sister’s wedding was the most important day in your family’s life, right?’

‘Right.’

‘So, you have to go.’

‘But what am I meant to tell them?’ I hold out my phone. ‘I’ve got all these missed calls from Mom. She’s wondering what the hell’s going on.’

‘Don’t tell them anything. Not yet. Just focus on getting to Nashville.’

I stare at him for a second. His grey eyes are so light, they’re transparent. He’s doing the job I usually do: he’s calming me down and telling me that it’s going to be okay and getting me to focus on finding a solution. It feels nice not to be the one sorting things out for once.

I nod. ‘You’re right. It’s going to be fine. Blake’s going to show up and it’ll all be fine.’

‘I didn’t say—’

‘He’ll show up,’ I talk over him. ‘And he’ll sing his song and everyone will forget he was even late.’

I press the words into my head.

‘Yeah, it’s going to be fine.’

I can feel Christopher staring at me. He doesn’t say anything.

I look at the steering wheel. Somehow, I have to find the strength to get going again – to drive those hundreds of miles to Nashville.

‘You still want to be driven by someone who nearly crashed into a truck?’ I ask Christopher.

He keeps looking at me. Then the corners of his mouth turn up. ‘The truck was kind of in the way.’

I let out a laugh, and all the tension in my body dissipates for a moment.

‘It was, wasn’t it?’

‘Definitely.’

‘You trust me? To keep driving you?’

‘Well, I don’t know about that…’ he says. But he’s smiling. ‘Yeah, I trust you.’

The thing is, I don’t even know whether I trust myself anymore.

I look up again at the stars. If I’m going to be an astronaut one day – if I’m going to make it all the way up there – I’d better learn how to navigate things down here.

A low whine comes from the back of the car.

‘Oh God.’ I unbuckle my seatbelt and twist round to the back of the car.

Leda’s cowering in the footwell, her eyes two black, glassy pools. For once, she’s dead quiet. My binder and my telescope are wedged in beside her and Blake’s suit has flown off its hanger and is draped over her. The hat box is in the other footwell. It’s got a big dent in the side. I hope to god that the hat isn’t damaged.

I rip the suit off her body, pull her out of the footwell onto my lap, wrap my arms around her neck and let out a sob. Then I hold her away from me and inspect her. There’s a small cut on her ear – and on her nose too. Her whole body’s shaking and I can feel her heart hammering against her ribcage. I lean in and kiss the top of her head.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

She licks my face. Her tongue is so warm and familiar that my eyes well up and for the first time since Blake left her with me six weeks ago, I’m grateful that I’ve got her.

I hold her closer and look up at the sky. Where are you, Blake?

Christopher leans over and pets the top of Leda’s head in long, gentle strokes. I can feel her relaxing against me, her heart slowing down.

For a few seconds, neither of us say anything. Then I say, ‘Here.’

I place Leda on Christopher’s lap.

‘You look after her.’

Leda licks his hand and he leans over and kisses the top of her head, the soft patch between her ears.

‘Leda likes you,’ I say.

‘Leader?’

‘Yes, Leda. As in L-E-D-A. Jupiter’s thirteenth moon.’

‘Oh – right.’

‘It was found in 1974. The moon, I mean. I can show it to you if you like.’

God, I sound like a dork.

‘It’s a cool name.’ He pats her again, a bit more confidently this time. ‘Have you had her for a long time?’

‘She’s Blake’s. Like the car. Whenever he goes on tour, I get to babysit them. And I named her – obviously.’

‘Obviously?’

‘I like space.’

‘As in, outerspace?’

I nod.

Leda puts a paw up against Christopher’s chest and then paws at his glasses, so that he has to readjust them. Yeah, she definitely likes him.

Christopher shakes her paw like he shook my hand earlier.

‘Pleased to meet you, Leda,’ he says. ‘Officially.’