Writ in Barracks

An' 'eedless, thoughtless people stop an' think!

Yes, the 'and wot banged the banjo an' made Tommy comic songs,
'Oo wrote of Empires, 'Lion's 'Ead to Line,'
'Oo found an 'idden poem in M'Andrew's Injin gongs,
Was the checkin' 'and wot gave the warnin' sign,
In a line —
That gave the people soda after wine.

THE MISSION THAT FAILED

Our troop was encamped by the side of a stream
An' a very smart troop were we.
We 'ad Cavalry orficers – straight from town,
An' we escorted Mister Commissioner Brown,
Commissioner Brown, C.B.
An' we 'eard that the Governor put 'im down,
For a spare K.C.M.G.!

We wos camped near by to a border town,
On the borders of Creegerland —
A very despotic, republican state —
An' there we 'ad got the order to wait,
But why, we did not understand.
So we bedded our 'orses, an' cussed at our fate
(For you can't cuss the man in command).

One mornin' sez Mister Commissioner Brown,
Sez 'e to the 'ole parade,
'I've bin inspired by a dream just now —
I can't say why, an' I can't say 'ow —
But a voice in my dream it said,
"O in Joannistown there's a deuce of a row
And badly they want your aid!"'

Now Joannistown is in Creegerland,
Which same is a friendly state.
An' it isn't no joke – which is puttin' it fine —
To pass without notice the border-post sign;
But we did it, as I will relate. —
We really intended to drop 'em a line!
But we 'adn't got time to wait.

We 'ad ridden some miles into Creegerland
When Commissioner Brown, C.B.,
'E called an 'alt, – which a troop requires,
For a man, 'e tires, as 'is 'orse perspires, —
An' 'e sez to the troop, sez 'e,
'About ten miles from 'ere are some telegraph wires,
An' a very good thought struck me.

'For fear of my dream bein' misunderstood
An' the evil constructions of liars! —
For fear of alarmin' the dear farmers' wives
An' disturbin' the quiet an' peace of their lives,
I think we will sever them wires!
An' I'll give somethin' 'andsome to 'im 'oo contrives
To cut off the current – with pliers!'

An' Michael M'Carty, Lance-Corp'ral was 'e,
Right guide to a section of 'A,'
Started orf on the job, an' we whispered a cheer,
An' we each gave the beggar our flasks – full of beer —
To 'elp for to lighten 'is way!
We gave 'im cheap drinks – though it was very dear
When it came round to settling day!

M'Carty 'e rode, an' M'Carty 'e swilled,
An' M'Carty got big in the 'ead,
Till 'e couldn't tell telegraph poles from trees,
An' 'e wandered around, sorter go-as-you-please
Till 'is wonderin' wanderin's led
To the wires – of a fence! an' reclinin' at ease
'E cut up these wasters instead!

It's all over now: an' Brown 'e got jugged,
And the Burghers of Creegerland knowed.
They licked us to fits in a sweet little fight,
An' the King of Jerusalem wired 'is delight!
An' the Laureate wrote us an Ode!
An' Europe got ready for action that night
'Cos M'Carty got drunk on the road!

M'Carty's a thief, M'Carty's a beast,
An' M'Carty is likewise a liar!
'E went an' got drunk, which 'e shouldn't 'ave done;
'E went an' got drunk, an' 'e spoilt the 'ole fun:
An' the moral to them wot conspire
Is, Don't send a beer-swilling son of a gun
When you're cuttin a telegraph wire!

THE PRAYER

O God of Battles! Lord of Might!
A sentry, in the silent night,
I, 'oo 'ave never prayed,
Kneel on the dew-damp sands, to say,
O see me through the comin' day —
But, please remember, though I pray,
That I am not afraid!