A Satire Anthology

Автор

Carolyn Wells

Год написания книги

2017

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A GOVERNESS wanted – well fitted to fill
The post of tuition with competent skill —
In a gentleman’s family highly genteel;
Superior attainments are quite indispensable,
With everything, too, that’s correct and ostensible;
Morals of pure unexceptionability;
Manners well formed, and of strictest gentility.
The pupils are five – ages, six to sixteen,
All as promising girls as ever were seen;
And besides (though ’tis scarcely worth while to put that in),
There is one little boy, but he only learns Latin.
The lady must teach all the several branches
Whereinto polite education now launches.
She’s expected to speak the French tongue like a native,
And be to her pupils of all its points dative.
Italian she must know à fond, nor need banish
Whatever acquaintance she may have with Spanish;
Nor would there be harm in a trifle of German,
In the absence, that is, of the master, Von Hermann.
The harp and piano —cela va sans dire—
With thorough-bass, too, on the plan of Logier.
In drawing in pencil, and chalks, and the tinting
That’s called Oriental, she must not be stint in;
She must paint upon paper, and satin, and velvet;
And if she knows gilding, she’s no need to shelve it.
Dancing, of course, with the newest gambades,
The Polish mazurka, and best gallopades;
Arithmetic, history joined with chronology,
Heraldry, botany, writing, conchology,
Grammar, and satin stitch, netting, geography,
Astronomy, use of the globes, and cosmography.
’Twere also as well she should be calisthenical,
That her charges’ young limbs may be pliant to any call.
Their health, play, and studies, and moral condition
Must be superintended without intermission.
At home she must all habits check that disparage,
And when they go out must attend to their carriage.
Her faith must be orthodox, temper most pliable,
Health good, and reference quite undeniable.
These are the principal matters —Au reste,
Address, Bury Street, Mrs. General Peste.
As the salary’s moderate, none need apply
Who more on that point than on comfort rely.

Anonymous.

LINES BY AN OLD FOGY

I’M thankful that the sun and moon
Are both hung up so high,
That no presumptuous hand can stretch
And pull them from the sky.
If they were not, I have no doubt
But some reforming ass
Would recommend to take them down
And light the world with gas.

Anonymous.

notes

1

Version of W. M. Thackeray.

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