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A Satire Anthology
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Год написания книги
2017
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“Oh, never was knight such a sorrow that bore!”
“Oh, never was maid so deserted before!”
“From life and its woes let us instantly fly,
And jump in together for company!”
They search’d for an eddy that suited the deed,
But here was a bramble, and there was a weed.
“How tiresome it is!” said the fair, with a sigh;
So they sat down to rest them in company.
They gazed at each other, the maid and the knight;
How fair was her form, and how goodly his height!
“One mournful embrace,” sobb’d the youth, “ere we die!”
So kissing and crying kept company.
“Oh, had I but loved such an angel as you!”
“Oh, had but my swain been a quarter as true!”
“To miss such perfection, how blinded was I!”
Sure now they were excellent company.
At length spoke the lass, ’twixt a smile and a tear,
“The weather is cold for a watery bier;
When summer returns we may easily die,
Till then let us sorrow in company.”
Reginald Heber.
A MODEST WIT
A SUPERCILIOUS nabob of the East —
Haughty, being great – purse-proud, being rich —
A governor, or general, at the least,
I have forgotten which —
Had in his family a humble youth,
Who went from England in his patron’s suite,
An unassuming boy, in truth
A lad of decent parts, and good repute.
This youth had sense and spirit;
But yet with all his sense,
Excessive diffidence
Obscured his merit.
One day, at table, flushed with pride and wine,
His honour, proudly free, severely merry,
Conceived it would be vastly fine
To crack a joke upon his secretary.
“Young man,” he said, “by what art, craft, or trade
Did your good father gain a livelihood?”
“He was a saddler, sir,” Modestus said,
“And in his time was reckoned good.”
“A saddler, eh? and taught you Greek,
Instead of teaching you to sew!
Pray, why did not your father make
A saddler, sir, of you?”
Each parasite, then, as in duty bound,
The joke applauded, and the laugh went round.
At length Modestus, bowing low,
Said (craving pardon, if too free he made),
“Sir, by your leave, I fain would know
Your father’s trade!”
“My father’s trade! by Heaven, that’s too bad!
My father’s trade? Why, blockhead, are you mad?
My father, sir, did never stoop so low —
He was a gentleman, I’d have you know.”
“Excuse the liberty I take,”
Modestus said, with archness on his brow,
“Pray, why did not your father make
A gentleman of you?”
Selleck Osborn.
THE PHILOSOPHER’S SCALES
A MONK, when his rites sacerdotal were o’er,
In the depth of his cell with its stone-covered floor,
Resigning to thought his chimerical brain,
Once formed the contrivance we now shall explain;
But whether by magic’s or alchemy’s powers
We know not; indeed, ’tis no business of ours.
Perhaps it was only by patience and care,
At last, that he brought his invention to bear.
In youth ’twas projected, but years stole away,
And ere ’twas complete he was wrinkled and gray;
But success is secure, unless energy fails,
And at length he produced The Philosopher’s Scales.
“What were they?” you ask. You shall presently see.
These scales were not made to weigh sugar and tea.
Oh, no; for such properties wondrous had they,
That qualities, feelings, and thoughts they could weigh,
Together with articles small or immense,
From mountains or planets to atoms of sense.
Naught was there so bulky but there it would lay,
“Oh, never was maid so deserted before!”
“From life and its woes let us instantly fly,
And jump in together for company!”
They search’d for an eddy that suited the deed,
But here was a bramble, and there was a weed.
“How tiresome it is!” said the fair, with a sigh;
So they sat down to rest them in company.
They gazed at each other, the maid and the knight;
How fair was her form, and how goodly his height!
“One mournful embrace,” sobb’d the youth, “ere we die!”
So kissing and crying kept company.
“Oh, had I but loved such an angel as you!”
“Oh, had but my swain been a quarter as true!”
“To miss such perfection, how blinded was I!”
Sure now they were excellent company.
At length spoke the lass, ’twixt a smile and a tear,
“The weather is cold for a watery bier;
When summer returns we may easily die,
Till then let us sorrow in company.”
Reginald Heber.
A MODEST WIT
A SUPERCILIOUS nabob of the East —
Haughty, being great – purse-proud, being rich —
A governor, or general, at the least,
I have forgotten which —
Had in his family a humble youth,
Who went from England in his patron’s suite,
An unassuming boy, in truth
A lad of decent parts, and good repute.
This youth had sense and spirit;
But yet with all his sense,
Excessive diffidence
Obscured his merit.
One day, at table, flushed with pride and wine,
His honour, proudly free, severely merry,
Conceived it would be vastly fine
To crack a joke upon his secretary.
“Young man,” he said, “by what art, craft, or trade
Did your good father gain a livelihood?”
“He was a saddler, sir,” Modestus said,
“And in his time was reckoned good.”
“A saddler, eh? and taught you Greek,
Instead of teaching you to sew!
Pray, why did not your father make
A saddler, sir, of you?”
Each parasite, then, as in duty bound,
The joke applauded, and the laugh went round.
At length Modestus, bowing low,
Said (craving pardon, if too free he made),
“Sir, by your leave, I fain would know
Your father’s trade!”
“My father’s trade! by Heaven, that’s too bad!
My father’s trade? Why, blockhead, are you mad?
My father, sir, did never stoop so low —
He was a gentleman, I’d have you know.”
“Excuse the liberty I take,”
Modestus said, with archness on his brow,
“Pray, why did not your father make
A gentleman of you?”
Selleck Osborn.
THE PHILOSOPHER’S SCALES
A MONK, when his rites sacerdotal were o’er,
In the depth of his cell with its stone-covered floor,
Resigning to thought his chimerical brain,
Once formed the contrivance we now shall explain;
But whether by magic’s or alchemy’s powers
We know not; indeed, ’tis no business of ours.
Perhaps it was only by patience and care,
At last, that he brought his invention to bear.
In youth ’twas projected, but years stole away,
And ere ’twas complete he was wrinkled and gray;
But success is secure, unless energy fails,
And at length he produced The Philosopher’s Scales.
“What were they?” you ask. You shall presently see.
These scales were not made to weigh sugar and tea.
Oh, no; for such properties wondrous had they,
That qualities, feelings, and thoughts they could weigh,
Together with articles small or immense,
From mountains or planets to atoms of sense.
Naught was there so bulky but there it would lay,
Другие электронные книги автора Carolyn Wells
Последний отзыв
Книга дельная. Без воды, приводятся реальные кейсы и способы их разрешения. Много практичных полезных советов и методик. Кое-что уже испробовала в дел...
Далее