Slightly Married

Buckley reacts with a defensive, “That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because I wasn’t sure.”

“About wanting to get married?”

“About anything,” he says cryptically, and the waiter arrives with two steaming miso soups.

When he leaves a second later, I wait for Buckley to elaborate on what else, exactly, he wasn’t sure about.

He merely eats a spoonful of soup.

“Buckley.”

“Yeah?” He looks up, spoon halfway to his mouth again.

“You were saying…?”

He blinks. “What?”

“What were you saying? About not being sure you wanted to get married?” I add helpfully. And about anything else?

“Oh. Right. I mean, you know better than anyone—well, except Sonja—that I wasn’t sure about it.”

It, I want to ask, or her?

Because that’s what we’re talking about here, folks. And it’s the first time in ages that Buckley has said anything the least bit ambivalent about his relationship.

“I think it’s just a guy thing,” he concludes. “You know…cold feet.”

I want to ask him if that’s really all it is, but I’m afraid Buckley would think I’m not rooting for him and Sonja to live happily ever after. And believe me, no one wants that for them more than I do.

Okay, well maybe Sonja wants it more than I do. And I’m sure her family, who adore Buckley, want it more than I do. I’m way down on the list of people rooting for their happily-ever-after, I’m sure.

What about Buckley, though?

Does he want happily-ever-after with Sonja?

I honestly thought he did.

I think he honestly thought he did, too.

But maybe he doesn’t anymore. Maybe he needs to talk about this with a good friend.

A good platonic friend who has no personal agenda where he’s concerned.

That would be me, I tell myself…except that it wouldn’t be me. Because after hearing that Buckley may not be gung ho about marrying Sonja after all, I can’t help but be…well…not all that disappointed.

Wait a minute.

Did I really hear that Buckley may not be gung ho about marrying Sonja?

I mean, I know that’s what I heard…but did he really say it?

No. He didn’t. What he said was that he wasn’t sure “about anything,” including getting married.

What else is there?

There’s being in love with the person you’re marrying.

Forgive me if I’m jumping to conclusions here, but…

Well, hasn’t it seemed all along as though Buckley wasn’t a hundred percent on board the Sonja train? It’s like he jumped on when he realized it was about to leave the station without him, and he’s enjoying the ride, more or less…but now he might not want to take it all the way to its final destination. And he wishes he could jump off.

Okay, I really am very clever with my analogies lately.

Too bad I can’t channel all this creativity into a Creative job at the agency.

Too bad I can’t even tell Buckley what I’m thinking….

But I can’t, because that would open the door to trouble. Exactly what kind of trouble, I don’t know. I just sense that I should keep my verbal speculation on the apparent state of his relationship to a minimum.

What I can do, however, is ask him how things are going with Sonja and the wedding plans.

So I do.

“Not great,” he replies.

“Uh-oh.” I swear to God I’m psychic. “What’s wrong?”

“Remember how we were going to get married a year from this summer so that Sonja would have time to plan the wedding?”

“Yes.”

“Well, now she wants to expedite things.”

“How much?”

“A year. She wants us to get married in July.”

“This July? But that’s only a few months away.”

“I know.” He shakes his head, looking at me.

I shake my head, looking back at him.

Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but remember that old movie Dead Man Walking? The one where Sean Penn is on death row and Susan Sarandon is the nun who tries to save him?