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More Bab Ballads
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The course, at a critical moment of time
(I pointed them out to JOHN).
The constable fell on the pair in a crack—
And then, with a demon smile,
Let JENNY cross over, but sent JIMMY back
(I played on my harp the while).
Stern JOHNNY their agony loud derides
With a very triumphant sneer—
They weep and they wail from the opposite sides
(And I shed a silent tear).
And JENNY is crying away like mad,
And JIMMY is swearing hard;
And JOHNNY is looking uncommonly glad
(And I am a doggerel bard).
But JIMMY he ventured on crossing again
The scenes of our Isthmian Games—
JOHN caught him, and collared him, giving him pain
(I felt very much for JAMES).
JOHN led him away with a victor’s hand,
And JIMMY was shortly seen
In the station-house under the grand Grand Stand
(As many a time I’ve been).
And JIMMY, bad boy, was imprisoned for life,
Though EMILY pleaded hard;
And JOHNNY had EMILY JANE to wife
(And I am a doggerel bard).
Ballad: The Perils Of Invisibility
OLD PETER led a wretched life—
Old PETER had a furious wife;
Old PETER too was truly stout,
He measured several yards about.
The little fairy PICKLEKIN
One summer afternoon looked in,
And said, “Old PETER, how de do?
Can I do anything for you?
“I have three gifts—the first will give
Unbounded riches while you live;
The second health where’er you be;
The third, invisibility.”
“O little fairy PICKLEKIN,”
Old PETER answered with a grin,
“To hesitate would be absurd,—
Undoubtedly I choose the third.”
“’Tis yours,” the fairy said; “be quite
Invisible to mortal sight
Whene’er you please. Remember me
Most kindly, pray, to MRS. P.”
Old MRS. PETER overheard
Wee PICKLEKIN’S concluding word,
And, jealous of her girlhood’s choice,
Said, “That was some young woman’s voice:
Old PETER let her scold and swear—
Old PETER, bless him, didn’t care.
“My dear, your rage is wasted quite—
Observe, I disappear from sight!”
A well-bred fairy (so I’ve heard)
Is always faithful to her word:
Old PETER vanished like a shot,
Put then—his suit of clothes did not!
For when conferred the fairy slim
Invisibility on him,
She popped away on fairy wings,
Without referring to his “things.”
So there remained a coat of blue,
A vest and double eyeglass too,
His tail, his shoes, his socks as well,
His pair of—no, I must not tell.
Old MRS. PETER soon began
To see the failure of his plan,
And then resolved (I quote the Bard)
To “hoist him with his own petard.”
Old PETER woke next day and dressed,
Put on his coat, and shoes, and vest,
His shirt and stock; but could not find
His only pair of—never mind!
Old PETER was a decent man,
And though he twigged his lady’s plan,
Yet, hearing her approaching, he
Resumed invisibility.
(I pointed them out to JOHN).
The constable fell on the pair in a crack—
And then, with a demon smile,
Let JENNY cross over, but sent JIMMY back
(I played on my harp the while).
Stern JOHNNY their agony loud derides
With a very triumphant sneer—
They weep and they wail from the opposite sides
(And I shed a silent tear).
And JENNY is crying away like mad,
And JIMMY is swearing hard;
And JOHNNY is looking uncommonly glad
(And I am a doggerel bard).
But JIMMY he ventured on crossing again
The scenes of our Isthmian Games—
JOHN caught him, and collared him, giving him pain
(I felt very much for JAMES).
JOHN led him away with a victor’s hand,
And JIMMY was shortly seen
In the station-house under the grand Grand Stand
(As many a time I’ve been).
And JIMMY, bad boy, was imprisoned for life,
Though EMILY pleaded hard;
And JOHNNY had EMILY JANE to wife
(And I am a doggerel bard).
Ballad: The Perils Of Invisibility
OLD PETER led a wretched life—
Old PETER had a furious wife;
Old PETER too was truly stout,
He measured several yards about.
The little fairy PICKLEKIN
One summer afternoon looked in,
And said, “Old PETER, how de do?
Can I do anything for you?
“I have three gifts—the first will give
Unbounded riches while you live;
The second health where’er you be;
The third, invisibility.”
“O little fairy PICKLEKIN,”
Old PETER answered with a grin,
“To hesitate would be absurd,—
Undoubtedly I choose the third.”
“’Tis yours,” the fairy said; “be quite
Invisible to mortal sight
Whene’er you please. Remember me
Most kindly, pray, to MRS. P.”
Old MRS. PETER overheard
Wee PICKLEKIN’S concluding word,
And, jealous of her girlhood’s choice,
Said, “That was some young woman’s voice:
Old PETER let her scold and swear—
Old PETER, bless him, didn’t care.
“My dear, your rage is wasted quite—
Observe, I disappear from sight!”
A well-bred fairy (so I’ve heard)
Is always faithful to her word:
Old PETER vanished like a shot,
Put then—his suit of clothes did not!
For when conferred the fairy slim
Invisibility on him,
She popped away on fairy wings,
Without referring to his “things.”
So there remained a coat of blue,
A vest and double eyeglass too,
His tail, his shoes, his socks as well,
His pair of—no, I must not tell.
Old MRS. PETER soon began
To see the failure of his plan,
And then resolved (I quote the Bard)
To “hoist him with his own petard.”
Old PETER woke next day and dressed,
Put on his coat, and shoes, and vest,
His shirt and stock; but could not find
His only pair of—never mind!
Old PETER was a decent man,
And though he twigged his lady’s plan,
Yet, hearing her approaching, he
Resumed invisibility.
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