More Bab Ballads

He walked straight up to SOMERS, then he turned extremely red,
Hesitated, hummed and hawed a bit, then cleared his throat, and said:

I beg your pardon—pray forgive me if I seem too bold,
But you have breathed a name I knew familiarly of old.
You spoke aloud of ROBINSON—I happened to be by.
You know him?”  “Yes, extremely well.”  “Allow me, so do I.”

It was enough: they felt they could more pleasantly get on,
For (ah, the magic of the fact!) they each knew ROBINSON!
And Mr. SOMERS’ turtle was at PETER’S service quite,
And Mr. SOMERS punished PETER’S oyster-beds all night.

They soon became like brothers from community of wrongs:
They wrote each other little odes and sang each other songs;
They told each other anecdotes disparaging their wives;
On several occasions, too, they saved each other’s lives.

They felt quite melancholy when they parted for the night,
And got up in the morning soon as ever it was light;
Each other’s pleasant company they reckoned so upon,
And all because it happened that they both knew ROBINSON!

They lived for many years on that inhospitable shore,
And day by day they learned to love each other more and more.
At last, to their astonishment, on getting up one day,
They saw a frigate anchored in the offing of the bay.

To PETER an idea occurred.  “Suppose we cross the main?
So good an opportunity may not be found again.”
And SOMERS thought a minute, then ejaculated, “Done!
I wonder how my business in the City’s getting on?”

“But stay,” said Mr. PETER: “when in England, as you know,
I earned a living tasting teas for BAKER, CROOP, AND CO.,
I may be superseded—my employers think me dead!”
“Then come with me,” said SOMERS, “and taste indigo instead.”

But all their plans were scattered in a moment when they found
The vessel was a convict ship from Portland, outward bound;
When a boat came off to fetch them, though they felt it very kind,
To go on board they firmly but respectfully declined.

As both the happy settlers roared with laughter at the joke,
They recognized a gentlemanly fellow pulling stroke:
’Twas ROBINSON—a convict, in an unbecoming frock!
Condemned to seven years for misappropriating stock!!!

They laughed no more, for SOMERS thought he had been rather rash
In knowing one whose friend had misappropriated cash;
And PETER thought a foolish tack he must have gone upon
In making the acquaintance of a friend of ROBINSON.

At first they didn’t quarrel very openly, I’ve heard;
They nodded when they met, and now and then exchanged a word:
The word grew rare, and rarer still the nodding of the head,
And when they meet each other now, they cut each other dead.

To allocate the island they agreed by word of mouth,
And PETER takes the north again, and SOMERS takes the south;
And PETER has the oysters, which he hates, in layers thick,
And SOMERS has the turtle—turtle always makes him sick.

notes

1

“Go with me to a Notary—seal me there
Your single bond.”—Merchant of Venice, Act I., sc. 3.

2

“And there shall she, at Friar Lawrence’ cell,
Be shrived and married.”—Romeo and Juliet, Act II., sc. 4.

3

“And give the fasting horses provender.”—Henry the Fifth, Act IV., sc. 2.

4

“Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares.”—Troilus and Cressida, Act I., sc. 3.

5

“Then must the Jew be merciful.”—Merchant of Venice, Act IV., sc. 1.

6

“The spring, the summer,
The chilling autumn, angry winter, change
Their wonted liveries.”—Midsummer Night Dream, Act IV., sc. 1.

7

“In the county of Glo’ster, justice of the peace and coram.”
Merry Wives of Windsor, Act I., sc. 1.

8