Light Freights

“‘Come into the parlour,’ she ses, kindly, just as Ted was beginning to get ‘is breath.

“They followed ‘em in, and the wild man was just going to make hisself comfortable in a easy-chair, when Ginger give ‘im a look, an’ ‘e curled up on the ‘earthrug instead.

“‘’E ain’t a very fine specimen,’ ses Ted Reddish, at last.

“‘It’s the red side-whiskers I don’t like,’ ses his wife. ‘Besides, who ever ‘eard of a wild man in a collar an’ necktie?’

“‘You’ve got hold o’ the wrong one,’ ses Ted Reddish, afore Ginger Dick could speak up for hisself.

“‘Oh, I beg your pardin,’ ses Mrs. Reddish to Ginger, very polite. ‘I thought it was funny a wild man should be wearing a collar. It’s my mistake. That’s the wild man, I s’pose, on the ‘earthrug?’

“That’s ‘im, mum,’ ses old Sam, very short.

“‘He don’t look wild enough,’ ses Reddish.

“‘No; ‘e’s much too tame,’ ses ‘is wife, shaking her yaller curls.

“The chaps all looked at each other then, and the wild man began to think it was time he did somethink; and the nearest thing ‘andy being Ginger’s leg, ‘e put ‘is teeth into it. Anybody might ha’ thought Ginger was the wild man then, the way ‘e went on, and Mrs. Reddish said that even if he so far forgot hisself as to use sich langwidge afore ‘er, ‘e oughtn’t to before a poor ‘eathen animal.

“‘How much do you want for ‘im?’ ses Ted Reddish, arter Ginger ‘ad got ‘is leg away, and taken it to the winder to look at it.

“‘One ‘undered pounds,’ ses old Sam.

“Ted Reddish looked at ‘is wife, and they both larfed as though they’d never leave orf.

“‘Why, the market price o’ the best wild men is only thirty shillings,’ ses Reddish, wiping ‘is eyes. ‘I’ll give you a pound for ‘im.’

“Old Sam looked at Russet, and Russet looked at Ginger, and then they all larfed.

“‘Well, there’s no getting over you, I can see that,’ ses Reddish, at last. ‘Is he strong?’

“‘Strong? Strong ain’t the word for it,’ ses Sam.

“‘Bring ‘im to the back and let ‘im ‘ave a wrestle with one o’ the brown bears, Ted,’ ses ‘is wife.

“‘’E’d kill it,’ ses old Sam, hastily.

“‘Never mind,’ ses Reddish, getting up; ‘brown bears is cheap enough.’

“They all got up then, none of ‘em knowing wot to do, except the wild man, that is, and he got ‘is arms tight round the leg o’ the table.

“‘Well,’ ses Ginger, ‘we’ll be pleased for ‘im to wrestle with the bear, but we must ‘ave the ‘un-dered quid fust, in case ‘e injures ‘isself a little.’

“Ted Reddish looked ‘ard at ‘im, and then he looked at ‘is wife agin.

“I’ll just go outside and talk it over with the missus,’ he ses, at last, and they both got up and went out.

“‘It’s all right,’ ses old Sam, winking at Ginger.

“‘Fair cop,’ ses Ginger, who was still rubbing his leg. ‘I told you it would be, but there’s no need for Beauty to overdo it. He nearly ‘ad a bit out o’ my leg.’

“‘A’right,’ ses the wild man, shifting along the ‘earthrug to where Peter was sitting; ‘but it don’t do for me to be too tame. You ‘eard wot she said.’

“‘How are you feeling, old man?’ ses Peter, in a kind voice, as ‘e tucked ‘is legs away under ‘is chair.

“‘Gurr,’ ses the wild man, going on all fours to the back of the chair, ‘gur—wug—wug–’

“‘Don’t play the fool, Beauty,’ ses Peter, with a uneasy smile, as he twisted ‘is ‘ead round. ‘Call ‘im off, Sam.’

“‘Gurr,’ ses the wild man, sniffing at ‘is legs; ‘gurr.’

“‘Easy on, Beauty, it’s no good biting ‘im till they come back,’ ses old Sam.

“‘I won’t be bit at all,’ ses Russet, very sharp, ‘mind that, Sam. It’s my belief Beauty’s gone mad.’

“‘Hush,’ ses Ginger, and they ‘eard Ted Reddish and ‘is wife coming back. They came in, sat down agin, and after Ted ‘ad ‘ad another good look at the wild man and prodded ‘im all over an’ looked at ‘is teeth, he spoke up and said they’d decided to give a ‘undered pun for ‘im at the end o’ three days if ‘e suited.

“‘I s’pose,’ ses Sam, looking at the others, ‘that we could ‘ave a bit of it now to go on with?’

“‘It’s agin our way of doing business,’ ses Ted Reddish. ‘If it ‘ud been a lion or a tiger we could, but wild men we never do.’

“‘The thing is,’ ses Mrs. Reddish, as the wild man started on Russet’s leg and was pulled off by Sam and Ginger, ‘where to put ‘im.’

“‘Why not put ‘im in with the black leopard?’ ses her ‘usband.

“‘There’s plenty o’ room in his cage,’ says ‘is wife thoughtfully, ‘and it ‘ud be company for ‘im too.’

“‘I don’t think the wild man ‘ud like that,’ ses Ginger.

“‘I’m sartain sure ‘e wouldn’t,’ says old Sam, shaking ‘is ‘ead.

“‘Well, we must put ‘im in a cage by hisself, I s’pose,’ ses Reddish, ‘but we can’t be put to much expense. I’m sure the money we spent in cat’s meat for the last wild man we ‘ad was awful.’

“‘Don’t you spend too much money on cat’s meat for ‘im,’ ses Sam, ‘’e’d very likely leave it. Bringing ‘im ‘ome, we used to give ‘im the same as we ‘ad ourselves, and he got on all right.’

“‘It’s a wonder you didn’t kill ‘im,’ ses Reddish, severely. ‘He’ll be fed very different ‘ere, I can tell you. You won’t know ‘im at the end o’ three days.’

“‘Don’t change ‘im too sudden,’ ses Ginger, keeping ‘is ‘ead turned away from the wild man, wot wos trying to catch ‘is eye. ‘Cook ‘is food at fust, ‘cos ‘e’s been used to it.’

“‘I know wot to give ‘im,’ ses Reddish, offhandedly. ‘I ain’t been in the line twenty-seven years for nothink. Bring ‘im out to the back, an’ I’ll put ‘im in ‘is new ‘ome.’

“They all got up and, taking no notice of the wild man’s whispers, follered Ted Reddish and ‘is wife out to the back, where all the wild beasts in the world seemed to ‘ave collected to roar out to each other what a beastly place it was.

“‘I’m going to put ‘im in “‘Appy Cottage” for a time,’ says Reddish; ‘lend a hand ‘ere, William,’ he says, beckoning to one of ‘is men.

“‘Is that “‘Appy Cottage”?’ ses old Sam, sniffing, as they got up to a nasty, empty cage with a chain and staple in the wall.

“Ted Reddish said it was.