Slay In Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible

Vanessa Kingori MBE, Publishing Director of British Vogue, explains why we should embrace visibility rather than fight it.

‘If I’m in a situation where I’m sat around a room, there’s no point pretending that I’m less visible; I have to be aware of that and then I have to make good of it. But I think it’s such an advantage, because if you think about it, there are many business books written about trying to be noticed, trying to get cut through, trying to get your bosses’ attention, trying to whatever. We celebrate that in our work and our output, right? So it’s like, “I want to be noticed.” We have that in our physicality, rightly or wrongly, there’s no point fighting it. It just is what it is, but use it as an advantage. There are lots of people who look the same, who will not get the opportunity you have to have that cut through, so you use that platform.

‘Be prepared for that meeting, go there with a few things you’re already ready to say, that will challenge opinions and make people think “That’s a smart cookie.” So it’s all about the prep and being present in that room and not shrinking. You can’t try to do something that just physically isn’t possible. You can’t be less black and less female, right? So just make it count. Don’t fight something that is a given, I think it’s a massive advantage.’

But how do we go about making it count? Performance ratings are key; they are an opportunity to illustrate to your manager what you’ve achieved that year. Ratings affect promotions and pay rises, so it is important that your manager takes note of you and is exposed to the work you have done throughout the year. But how do we come across as driven and ambitious without rubbing people up the wrong way?

Multi-award-winning senior lawyer and diversity leader in the UK, Funke Abimbola MBE, explains how she became part of the talent pool and made sure she was identified as high potential at her law firm.

‘I went about ensuring that my work was visible, not in a showing-off way, and you have to be very clear not to be seen as being out for yourself, either. So, I did it through my team, showcasing what we are doing as a team, individually and collectively, and that can only happen if someone is an effective leader. So, the way I showcase the visibility is: we’ve got all sorts of internal communication channels here that want stories about what different teams are doing, we’ve got a magazine, we’ve got a Google community, we’ve got a weekly email that goes out, we’ve got all sorts of channels for communication. So, as a team, we drip-feed positive stories about all aspects of what we’re doing – the announcements don’t always come out from me; individual team members will sometimes put out announcements about others, so quite often others put out announcements about me winning awards and I do the same for them, to try to avoid anyone thinking that you’re just doing it to promote yourself as an individual. In many ways, the stories can get out there. It is about showcasing what you’re doing and the impact, communicating that and really driving that narrative, so that there are so many examples of what you’ve done, that when it comes to the end of year, you’ve got a long list of examples of what you’ve done. The evidence is always overwhelming; really, it’s like, here it all is, and this was the impact.’

However, there may be some instances when you’re doing all of the above, already working twice as hard and trying to take advantage of that visibility, but it isn’t reflected in your progressing to the next level in your career. This can be really frustrating, and it may then be that it is time to look elsewhere. Dr Anne-Marie Imafidon MBE agrees, ‘If those people don’t recognise it, it’s one of those things. That door may be closed; another will be open elsewhere, and you have to knock on those doors, and you might think it’s because you’re black, you might think it’s because you’re young, you might think it’s because you’re a woman, but none of that matters; there’s a door that’ll be open for you somewhere else because you are those things, but you have to go and find that door; don’t be knocking on a door that’s not going to value you.’

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Mentoring and sponsoring

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On my first day of Year 7, every girl in my year was assigned a ‘Big Sister’, a girl from one of the older years whose role it was to guide you through your first year at secondary school. I found it reassuring that there was someone who would watch my back, look out for me and tell me how to get by. She showed me that I wasn’t alone, and also what a ‘good student’ looked like in person.

We cannot underestimate the positive impact that having a mentor and sponsor can bring to your career. Studies have shown that ethnic minorities who advance the furthest in their careers all share one asset: a strong network of mentors and sponsors who nurture their professional development.

However, there is currently a lack of mentors or sponsors for black women in the workplace, and this often can be a problem when it comes to our development.

I always thought that mentors and sponsors were the same thing, and I would use the words interchangeably, but they aren’t, and knowing the difference and taking advantage of it could really make an impact on your career progression. Funke Abimbola explains how it works:

‘I call this the triumvirate: sponsorship, mentoring and coaching are the three things that are essential to career progression, and they’re all very different. Mentoring is guidance and advice. Sponsoring is someone actively looking for opportunities for you and putting you forward for them. Coaching is actually teaching you the skills: how to influence; how to communicate; how to get by; this is how you should run the meeting and so on. All three have been absolutely essential for my career progression.’

Black women who want to advance in their chosen fields can benefit hugely from the added visibility and support that a sponsor brings to their careers. This is because within every company there are a few people who are part of the decision-making process, who steer the more plummy projects. These are the people who have the access to talk you up behind closed doors and also to defend you against detractors. This matters, in particular, because it is on the more high-profile projects and assignments that you will have your chance to prove yourself to your peers and to this cohort of decision-makers.

If you can find a sponsor who is impressed by you and wants to support you, your chances of promotion and pay rise increase tenfold, as Sandra Kerr OBE explains: ‘These processes are often that of advocacy, where senior leaders recommend known individuals for consideration – a form of active sponsorship, whether it is formalised or not. If these conversations do not include either BAME leaders or senior leaders who are being exposed to BAME talent, the diversity of the pipeline is unlikely to change.’

CEO of Stemettes, Dr Anne-Marie Imafidon understands first-hand the benefits of sponsorship: in 2017 she received an MBE, and having a sponsor who advocated on her behalf was essential. Interestingly, to this day she still doesn’t know who sponsored her application, but the person in question really understood Anne-Marie’s personal brand as a STEM leader.

‘I didn’t apply for the MBE; you don’t nominate yourself for an MBE. Someone else has to do a whole load of work, on your behalf, without you knowing, puts their name on the line, or puts their neck on the line, and says this person needs to get an honour, “Because what they’re doing is a lot.” That’s how honours work. That person didn’t mentor me to have an MBE. That person sponsored it.’

How do you get a sponsor? Karen Blackett says it has to come organically: ‘I find it weird when people at events, who I’ve never met before, ask me to be their mentor, because you’ve got to have some sort of chemistry with the individual and know a bit about them to be able to help. So I think getting a sponsor needs someone you have to have a relationship with first, and I think if black women are finding it difficult to get a sponsor, it’s because they haven’t worked out their own personal brand to have somebody be able to advocate for them. So once you’ve worked that out – and it takes time, it takes rewriting and rewriting, sitting there, saying it out loud, writing it down once you write that down to be able to articulate it, you’ve then got to stress-test it to see what somebody else thinks. Once you’re able to do that, I think it’s easier to find a sponsor.

‘Having cheerleaders is incredibly important – some of the women that you’re interviewing are my cheerleaders and I’m theirs, because I think it’s really important to have people that are objective, who aren’t necessarily in your workplace, who know the real you, the authentic you, who can basically give you a verbal slap when you have those moments, those crises of self-confidence, those moments of lack of self-belief – and we all have them – and you need somebody that’s basically going to say “Why not?” and counsel you through it. And drink lots of wine, if need be, when something’s gone wrong.

‘But you all need someone that’s “Team Karen”; everybody needs that. And so I definitely think you need somebody as a sponsor because you need to be in the room, and not just in the room, you need to be at the table. If you’re not, you need somebody who is going to talk on your behalf, because that’s where your next career move comes from. That means you have to have a personal brand, and that person needs to be able to articulate it. And if they can’t, that’s why it’s difficult to get a sponsor.’

Karen is right; having a sponsor comes more easily once you know what your personal brand is and you’re able to articulate it to others. Again, Yomi goes into this in ‘***Flawless’, and it isn’t something that necessarily comes easily. For me, it started with building up my confidence and self-belief, and it also meant I had to shut out the voices, inside and out, that would tell me I wasn’t good enough and shouldn’t be there and that I had to work harder – the voices that had been so loud that summer of my GCSE results. An unintentional consequence of growing up with a ‘twice as hard’ mindset was constantly experiencing Imposter Syndrome. As I explained in the ‘Lawyer, Doctor, Engineer’ section, I was raised with mixed messages: with parents who would boast about my achievements to family members in one breath and then criticise me in the other for not getting straight As. As a result I was not able to internalise my achievements properly and would instead attribute my accomplishments to luck, as opposed to the fact that I had worked hard for them. Confidence building is a big thing, and understanding I have a right to be in the room, that I have a contribution to make, I have value to add, has been key in my career development. Don’t let Imposter Syndrome stop you realising your potential.

Malorie Blackman talks about her experiences of feeling like an imposter: ‘I was at the Black Powerlist dinner last year, and I was sitting there, and I was at a table and I had a CEO to the left of me and an Admiral to the right, and I was thinking, “Why am I here?” I was thinking, “Oh my God!” and everyone sitting at the table was the great and the good, and someone else was managing a portfolio of millions and millions, and I’m thinking, “Why am I here?” So I just kind of thought, “No, you’ve been invited! You have a right to be here just as much as anybody else.” But the fact that I was still thinking that, just said to me I still have a way to go, I still suffer from Imposter Syndrome.

‘The one person who blocks me most is myself. When people say,“Can you do this?” or, “Could you do that?” and I think, “Oh, I can’t do that!” And I look back now and there have been some opportunities where I think, “Oh, you should have done that.” And it was me thinking, “Oh, I’m not sure that’s for me,” or, “I can’t do that.”

‘I really don’t mind failing because I think I learn a lot from my mistakes and my failures, but for me, the worst thing would be to be on my deathbed and to think, “I wish I had tried and I wish I’d had the guts to try, and it was the fear holding me back and I should never have let it do that.” And that would be worse.

‘And I think for me as well, it is about appreciating that your comfort zone is very nice, but it’s called a comfort zone for a reason, and I think the way you grow is to move outside the comfort zone, and to take risks and so on. And I think it’s been instructive to me, especially in my writing career, that the books that have done the best for me are the books I’ve taken risks on and the books where I’ve thought, “I’m going to get a kicking for this one!” but I’m going to do it anyway.

‘And even if you don’t believe in yourself, it’s kind of like what they say about “Fake it till you make it.” So, fake it until you absolutely believe it and don’t have to fake it anymore, because you can do it! And you’ve proven to yourself that you can do it.

‘There are certain times when I’m asked to do stuff and I think, “I don’t think that’s for me!” you know, but now I kind of think, “Okay, why is it not for you? Is it really not for you, or are you just shying away from something?”And then just go out there and grasp these opportunities, because sometimes it’s true: they will only come once.’

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A seat at the table

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For those of us who do try twice as hard as our neighbours at school, then our colleagues at work, and eventually succeed in breaking through the concrete ceiling, being a trailblazer can bring pressures of its own. Shonda Rhimes, in her book Year of Yes, spoke about being the ‘First Only Different’: taking a seat at the table as the only black woman and the pressure that comes with it. In her decision to cast Kerry Washington in Scandal as the ABC network’s first lead, black, female character in 37 years, she was aware of the consequences if this move didn’t pay off and the show didn’t find an audience. How long would it take for another opportunity to come along for another black female director? She said, ‘When you are a First Only Different, you are saddled with that burden of extra responsibility – whether you want it or not. I was not about to make a mistake now. You don’t get second chances. Not when you’re an FOD. Failure meant two generations of female actors might have to wait for another chance to be seen as more than a sidekick.’

As black women, we are not strangers to striving for success, but as we go through our careers we realise that getting that promotion and a seat at the table is bigger than our own personal victories, and we begin to fear that there is no room for failure because it runs the risk of them not letting in more girls who look like you.

BAFTA award-winning director Amma Asante knows all too well the weight of this responsibility.

‘I think the hardest thing is knowing that the world outside, even your own community, doesn’t necessarily always have the opportunity to see or know what you go through as that “one and only” with a seat at the table. That seat at the table comes at a price.

‘Oftentimes you’re invited to the table to sit, but you’re being asked to speak in the same voice as those that you’re occupying the table with, as opposed to being invited to the table to reflect and represent the voice that is uniquely yours and might in some way represent something of your community.’

Trying twice as hard and smashing the concrete ceiling can often mean you become a role model for others. This can be intentional or unintentional, but being one of the few black female faces in a certain space can bring its own challenges. Karen Blackett, who became the first woman to top the Powerlist 100 of most influential black Britons, acknowledges this.

‘I think there is pressure in being a role model. Of course there is, because any person who is good and has got a good heart wants to pull other people through. So that you’re not the first all the time and so that you’re not always the pioneer, and to make it easier for other people to get through. But you would hope that if you’re sitting at a table, you’re sitting there because of what you’re good at and what you’ve achieved, not because of your gender or because of your race, but because you’re good at what you’ve achieved.

‘You’re there because of something that you can do, which complements everyone else around the table, or what everyone else around the table can’t do. And then it’s about pulling other people through, until it becomes the norm, rather than the exception. And that’s the thing, I’ll never rest until it’s the norm that there’s a multitude of faces around the table, rather than just one or two.

‘So yes, there’s pressure, yes you feel like being a role model. You need to make sure that you’re really good and you make things easy for the people around the table to have more like you come in, and that you’re around the table because of what you can do, not because of your gender or your race.’

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#BlackExcellence

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From one role model to another: if there’s anyone who embodies the twice-as-hard mentality, it is Serena Williams. Navigating and dominating the whitest-of-white sports, she rose above racism and sexism to win 23 Grand Slams. She isn’t just a great female athlete or even the best black athlete: she is undisputedly one of the greatest athletes ever. When I was growing up, I would support her as if she were British: her blackness and femaleness were central to both our identities and she made me so proud to be a black girl. Why? Because I realised that my desire for her to win was because she is a shining example of black excellence. In a society that often makes us feel, as dark-skinned women, that we are at the bottom of the pecking order, her success on the court made me feel better about my existence as a black girl in the world. It gave me the confidence to believe that I too could achieve great things if I also worked twice as hard.

Yet in spite of this, Maria Sharapova, Williams’s blonde, white ‘non-rival’ rival, was for a very long time the highest-paid female athlete in the world, despite only winning five Grand Slams. What Maria lacks on court she makes up for in her financial advantage off it, because corporate sponsors prefer a certain type of ‘look’ to be the face of their products.

When this was brought up in a New York Times interview with Serena in 2015, her response was diplomatic: ‘If they want to market someone who is white and blonde, that’s their choice – I have a lot of partners who are very happy to work with me. I can’t sit here and say I should be higher on the list because I have won more. I’m happy for her, because she worked hard, too. There is enough at the table for everyone.’

I respect Serena for her humility, but working twice as hard and sometimes getting half as good back has sometimes left a bad taste in my mouth.