Bridesmaids

‘Crappy work conference, so I thought I’d see if I could catch you before you went!’ She throws herself on the bed, dramatically. ‘You’ve got to save me from my earnest colleagues.’ She rolls her eyes, then spots the case. ‘Wow, are you sure that case is big enough? I’d be taking one double that size if it was me. You are just so cool about all this.’

‘No, I’m not.’ I shove the suitcase off the bed and flop down beside her. ‘I’m not being cool.’

‘God, you are. I am so envious of your jet set lifestyle.’

‘Don’t be.’ I close my eyes, then open them and peep at her. Lying on the bed next to me. ‘Can you keep a secret, Rach?’

She props herself up on one elbow.

‘Course I can! We can do swapsies. You first.’

‘I’m not going to New York.’ I avoid her eye as I say it.

‘Really?’ She sits up a bit higher and I can feel her staring at me. ‘But, you’ve packed, and …’

‘You don’t need to tell me.’ I groan and put my hands over my eyes. ‘I’ve packed, spent up and told the whole world about it. What will everybody say?’

‘Fuck everybody else. It’s you I care about!’ She drags my hands away and looks into my eyes, which have gone a bit blurry.

Saying it out loud has made me feel sorry for myself.

‘Aww, hell, Jane, you were so looking forward to it.’ She wraps me in a hug and I try not to sniffle. ‘What happened?’

‘Coral happened.’ Freddie’s deep voice rumbles unexpectedly into the room. ‘Mind if I join you?’

‘Bugger off.’ We both shout at the same time, then Rachel levers herself up.

‘She’s not sacked her? She’s not sacked you?’

‘No, she’s not sacked me. She just decided she doesn’t need me.’

‘Oh, Jane, what a cow.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘You’re not.’

‘It was just a shock. I will be fine.’

‘She’ll be fine once she gets to Brighton!’ Freddie is still lounging in the doorway, a safe distance away from the girlie fray.

‘Wow, you’re going to Brighton?’ Rachel’s eyes have gone all big and wide, and I can practically see her brain going into overdrive. ‘Together? Have I missed something?’

‘You’ve not missed anything.’ I sigh and dig her in the ribs to cover my embarrassment. ‘Freddie’s got to check his parents’ place and I’m going with him.’ I shrug. ‘That’s all. No big deal!’

‘What do you mean, no big deal?’ Freddie acts hurt, but winks to show he doesn’t mean it. ‘And we’re going to pretend we’re in Ibiza!’

Rachel chuckles. She’s got one of those deep, rolling infectious laughs which makes you smile. ‘That’ll take a special kind of filter, won’t it?’

‘I’m going to post old pics. I can’t admit to Coral that I’ve not gone.’

‘Ahh.’

‘But you mustn’t tell.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Nobody, not a single person. If it gets out she will crucify me.’

‘Promise. I guess I owe you a secret then?’ Her eyes are twinkling, and she’s gone a bit pink and bashful looking, which isn’t my normal Rachel.

‘Tell!’

‘Well …’ She takes a deep breath, then glances at Freddie, and back at me. ‘That’s why I came round. I’m so crap, I just can’t keep secrets, I can’t wait until you get back, I can’t not tell you!’

We’re all holding our breath. The suspense is killing me. The silence goes on, and on, and she’s glancing from me to Freddie and back again.

‘I’m getting married!’ It comes out in a whoosh.

‘Shit, you’re not?’ I realise the second the words explode from my big mouth that this is not the right thing to say. I give a ‘Help me’ glance over her shoulder at Freddie.

‘Oh, God, I knew you’d take this badly. I’m so, so sorry, Jane. I mean, I know you’ve had such a shitty time, that’s why I needed to tell you in person.’ She glances at Freddie again and I realise now, she hasn’t just come here because of a boring conference, she’s come here to tell me because she knew Freddie would be here. The guy who helped her pick up the pieces after my wedding-that-wasn’t. ‘Weddings can work out, Jane. I’m as sure as I can be, I just know he’s the One for—’

‘Stop it, you two! I know exactly what you’re both thinking.’ Rachel colours up, but Freddie brazens it out. ‘I’m not anti-wedding.’ They both avoid my gaze. ‘I’m not! I’m so over Andy. This is nothing to do with me, it’s you I’m worried about. You hardly know him, Rach!’ I feel weak at the knees, good job I’m sat on the bed. ‘I know not every man is like Andy. But he could be an axe murderer, or a swindler, or, or, a bigamist!’ I know I’m clutching at straws here, and the duvet actually, but I’m in shock.

My bestie can’t be allowed to plight her troth to smooth-talking Jed, who’s persuaded her he’s the One. As far as I know, she’s only had a chat on Facebook, two dates and a shag with him. That does not a relationship make.

I don’t want to be a damp squib, but there’s rushing and there’s going at the speed only required after far too many drinks when you need a bucket, or an extremely spicy curry that’s turned your tummy to molten lava and is demanding a quick exit.

And this is indecent haste, and the stunning blonde-haired, blue-eyed, bubbly Rachel is not a girl who needs to grab the first guy who offers. Not that anybody should, but Rachel has always had them queuing up.

‘What?’ She frowns at me, looking puzzled. ‘Of course, I know him! I’ve known him ages. What are you on about?’

I take a deep breath of my own and put my hands calmly on her shoulders. ‘Rach, you’ve only just met Jed.’

‘Oh!’ Relief settles on her face as she puts her hand over her mouth, and giggles. ‘It’s not Jed, you idiot!’

Phew.

‘It’s Michael!’

This is the point where I should sigh with relief and say, ‘silly me’. But I do not. Instead my stomach bottoms out. ‘You are kidding?’

Her face says it all, this is no joke.

So, I do it, I tell that whopping great lie.

‘Oh my God! Wow!’ I pause for breath and lean forward to hug her. ‘That is absolutely fantastic. I am so pleased for you!’