Perfect Match: a laugh-out-loud romantic comedy you won’t want to miss!

It might seem a little forward but I’m going to be at this pub, The Anchor and Hope, in Waterloo, from around 7 tonight. Would be great to meet you if you happen to be in the area.

x Daniel

I scroll down and see that there’s another message, sent half an hour earlier.

Daniel_86:

Hi Sophia,

Thanks for putting a smile on my face! Your profile is the funniest and most downright honest thing I’ve read all day. I’m guessing you set it up for a laugh but I actually found your honesty pretty refreshing, and, bizarrely, I happen to meet the majority of your criteria. You probably won’t believe this, but I get told I look like Robert Pattinson all the time! I used to volunteer for an animal charity and I have a fluffy rescue cat called Esther! Crazy, huh?

I know it all sounds a bit unlikely, but when I read your profile, I was as taken aback as you probably are right now. Speak to you soon, I hope.

x Daniel

Oh my God, he actually sounds quite cool, as well as being ridiculously hot!

‘See, didn’t I tell you he was a catch?’ Sandra grins, looking over. ‘And isn’t his writing great?’

‘Yeah, it is…’ I reply, unable to peel my eyes away from his message. It sounds so friendly and so normal for a change. And Sandra’s right, his punctuation and grammar are spot on too, now that I come to think of it.

‘Are you okay? You seem a bit dazed,’ Sandra notes.

‘I just… I didn’t expect that at all.’

‘But didn’t I tell you? He’s a total dreamboat.’

Where does Sandra get these words, ‘dreamboat’ and ‘dish’? If it wasn’t for the fact that she despises make-up, I’d think she was some sort of beauty school dropout.

‘Yeah, he’s a dreamboat all right,’ I can’t help agreeing, although I’m still feeling a bit taken aback. That profile was a joke, I never expected to actually meet the kind of guy I described. And yet, I can’t help feeling a bit giddy at the prospect of having found someone who fits the bill – a sexy Robert Pattinson lookalike with a rescue cat!

‘You have to meet him, Sophia,’ Sandra insists. ‘You can’t let this one go.’

Suddenly Ted strides into the office, clutching a brown paper bag and steaming polystyrene cup. I quickly shut down the site and frown, as if I’m concentrating hard on catheters. Sandra does the same. Ted nods firmly in our direction before retreating to his desk.

I click into my emails and write a message to Sandra.

From: sophia.jones@shadwellmedicalresearch.org (mailto:sophia.jones@shadwellmedicalresearch.org)

To: sandra.jenkins@shadwellmedicalresearch.org (mailto:sandra.jenkins@shadwellmedicalresearch.org)

Subject: UTIs

Definitely not letting this one go!

Sandra looks over from her desk and gives me a big thumbs-up.

Chapter Five (#ulink_0aa6662d-a1c2-55c8-b41b-cfec28b87a44)

‘You’ll never guess what?’ I bolt through the front door and rush over to the sofa.

‘What?’ Kate looks up from the script she’s reading as I plonk myself down next to her. She’s sitting cross-legged in her black and white striped leggings.

‘You won’t believe it. You know that ad we placed on Dream Dates? Well, this guy replied. He’s totally gorgeous. Looks like Robert Pattinson. Spitting image but better. Body of Daniel Craig. Oh my God and he has a cat called Esther and—’

‘Sophia!’ Kate interrupts a little loudly. ‘What are you on about?’

‘That ad we placed on Dream Dates the other night. Well this guy replied, he basically meets all the criteria, except maybe the penis size, he didn’t mention that, but he seems to be my dream date!’ I clap my hands together.

Kate raises an eyebrow. ‘Yeah, right. So, what, some random guy messages you claiming to be the spitting image of Robert Pattinson?’

‘Yeah, but I saw his pics and he actually is and—’

‘Sophia, any idiot can take photos off Google of Robert Pattinson and create a profile on a dating website. You’re not buying into that are you?’ She gives me a wary look like I might have finally lost it for real.

‘I’m not going crazy, trust me,’ I insist. ‘Sandra’s seen him and apparently he looks just as good in person, if not better.’

‘Sandra’s seen him?’ Kate looks confused.

‘Yeah.’ I tell her the story of how Sandra ended up checking him out in The Anchor and Hope.

‘Sandra?’ Kate enunciates. ‘Sandra?’ She raises her voice a little louder. Reading the script must have thrown her into full-blown melodramatic actor mode.

‘You’re not actually trusting Sandra for dating advice, are you? The woman whose closest brush with intimacy is cuddles with little Hammy?’

‘Her hamster’s called Betsy actually.’ I point out.

Kate tuts. ‘Same difference.’

I feel myself sink a little into the sofa, my shoulders slumping. What if I have got carried away? Kate’s right, he could have used photos from Google. Why didn’t that occur to me? Maybe he’s a pro at Photoshop. He might have enhanced the eyes to make them even more striking and merged Daniel Craig’s body with RPatz’s head. It’s not like I’ve seen this guy with my own eyes, I am basing everything on what Sandra says and it’s true, she’s hardly an authority when it comes to men.

‘Look, I don’t mean to piss on your parade but I’ve just seen you do this so many times.’ Kate fixes me with a serious look. ‘You build men up to be these absolute gods and then you get disappointed when you realise they’re just normal human beings. That’s always your downfall. I just think you need to take a more rational approach to dating, take things slowly, don’t expect the world and keep an eye out for weirdos,’ she tells me sagely.

‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right,’ I admit reluctantly.

Kate places her script down on the coffee table. ‘Well, let’s see him then.’

I glance up at her. ‘Eh?’

‘Show me his profile,’ she insists.

‘But you think he’s a fake?’

‘Yeah, but I want to see the profile anyway. I’m curious now.’

‘All right.’ I grab Kate’s laptop from the table and open a browser. I log on to Dream Dates and pull up Daniel’s profile.

Kate pulls the laptop onto her lap and clicks through his photos with a blank expression, not saying a word.