Exposed

“Ugh, that sounds amazing,” Daniella says wonderingly. “Which donut were you, by the way?”

“French cruller.” I sigh.

“The most single of all the donuts,” Jazzy comments.

“Shut up.”

Jasmine holds hands with me and Daniella. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the death of a dear friend...”

“That’s not how it goes,” I say. “You just combined what a priest says during a wedding and a funeral.”

“...Macy Grant’s ladybits,” she finishes. “We barely knew ye. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death—”

“Yeah, I got it loud and clear, Jazz.” I roll my eyes. “You think I’m a pathetic single person. Where is this all coming from?”

“You know how I thought for a long time that monogamy wasn’t for me? Well, I’ve met someone and she’s wonderful, and now that I’ve found what Daniella and Mark have found—”

“Hey, hey—slow your roll. You’re not married with two little cage fighters in your uterus,” Daniella laughs. “You sleep with anything on two legs. So you found a new hookup—”

“First of all, that’s not true. I’ve never slept with a kangaroo and I once dated a one-legged chick. Secondly,” Jazz insists, “this woman’s the real thing. She’s my soul mate.” A dreamy, goofy smile develops on her face. I feel like tiny blue cartoon birdies could start flying around her head any minute now.

“If she’s so important to you, why is this the first time we’re hearing about her?” I ask.

“She hasn’t exactly...come out yet.” Jasmine’s eyes dart to the floor, but then snap up to meet mine.

Ella and I both give her a look. Jasmine has dated closeted women in the past and we all know how great that ends up.

“I know what you two are thinking,” she says. “But she will. It’s coming soon—she promised me!”

“I can’t imagine anyone being able to get you to settle down,” Ella chuckles. She must be pretty special.”

“She is,” Jazz says, her cheeks flushing in a way I’ve never seen before. “And don’t pretend that you weren’t a wild child before you met Mark,” Jazzy scoffs. “You slept with so many dudes, when your mother sat you down to have the talk freshman year, you asked her what she wanted to know.”

Daniella opens her mouth to speak, then closes it.

“Anyway, I just want you to have what the two of us have, you know? I didn’t want to have to do this, but...” Jazz removes a folded piece of paper from the breast pocket of her suit jacket like a slick lawyer presenting some damning evidence.

She clears her throat. “Ahem. Macy, your singleness has affected me in the following ways—”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I grouse. “This is silly, Jazz.”

“Macy your singleness has affected me in the following ways,” Daniella starts then puts her piece of paper down. “Actually, it hasn’t really affected me, Mace. I like you the way you are and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Ella!” Jasmine whines indignantly. “That’s not part of the plan!” she stage whispers.

“I wasn’t finished yet,” Daniella laughs. “We just see how hard you’ve been working lately and how if you don’t get out there soon the only thing you’ll be married to in the near future is your job. Though you don’t have to go along with Jasmine’s plan, it would be nice. You’ve been such a good friend to us. I know any man would be lucky to have you—” She shoots a playful glance at Jasmine. “—if only for your incredible amount of patience. You deserve somebody special.” Daniella scoots over so that there’s a space between her and Jasmine. I sit between them and they each take one of my hands.

“This is coming from a place of love. You’re our best friend and we only want what’s best for you,” Daniella says. “We know how amazing you are and just want you to find someone who sees that, too.”

“And the only way to do that is to get out there.”

“We’ll be your dating gurus!” Jasmine exclaims brightly. “I have a great person to set you up with. A client of mine. I think you two could really hit it off!”

I love my friend, but I’m downright scared to find out who Jasmine—who once dated a girl who carried around pictures of her rabbit in her wallet and would take them out at any given opportunity—would set me up with.

“That’s nice of you, Jazz, but I don’t think I could do the blind date thing,” I say, trying to spare her feelings. “Could we start smaller?”

“Are you saying you’d start online dating or something?” Jasmine asks, her voice full of hope.

I look at my two friends, holding hands, staring at me with the same expectant look my grandmother gets when she’s waiting to hear the winning lottery numbers announced on television. I’ve known them long enough to understand that it’s not worth putting up a fight when they’re like this. They have this idea stuck in their brains, and there’s no way I can convince them to let it go.

I look up at the ceiling helplessly. Lord, give me strength. “Fine,” I say. “I’ll do it.”

Jasmine and Daniella jump up and down and emit screeches only dogs can hear.

When she finally calms down, Ella says, “Great. Now all you need to do is tell work you’ll need the entire week off.”

“Hey, wait a minute. You never said I’d have to take time off from work. I can’t do that.”

“Tell them there’s been a death in the family,” Jasmine says simply.

“But there’s a big show coming up next week—some fashion thing. I always have to be on call for other events I’m not assigned to, you know.”

“You’ll always have a big show coming up,” Ella says simply. “If you wait until you don’t have work to do in order to start dating, it’ll never happen.”

She’s right, but I shake my head. “Even so, my boss is in Paris until Monday. I can’t call her when she’s on vacation. Even if she works half the time she’s there.”

“Macy—” Jasmine starts to whine.

Ella puts her hand on Jazzy’s forearm to stop her. “Wait. Let’s give her the weekend. She needs time to prep. Like get a manicure, get some waxing done...”

I raise a hand to my face self-consciously. “Yeah, I guess my eyebrows could use a little cleaning up.”

“She doesn’t mean your face,” Jasmine says automatically.

“Come to my house tomorrow afternoon and I will show you all the joys of online dating,” Jasmine says breezily. “Oh, and bring a bottle of wine, too.”

“Why?” I ask. “You know I’m not a big drinker.”

Jasmine exchanges a knowing glance with Ella. “Because you’re going to need it.”

Chapter Two (#ulink_6155143d-d918-553e-90be-08d8f95dbad6)

I spend the entire weekend trying to convince myself that I didn’t promise Ella and Jazz that I’d start dating. I wish I’d fallen into a sodium-induced coma from all the instant chicken noodle soup and it was all a dream. I’m so nervous to tell my boss that I need to take time off. I haven’t taken a single personal, vacation or sick day in nearly two years. I notice my teeth are clenching so hard I’m giving myself a jaw ache as I dial Reka’s number and tell her the excuse Jasmine came up with.

“The entire week?” Reka’s voice is filled with incredulity. “Are you sure?” she asks, desperation edging into her tone. She didn’t take the news of me taking a break from work well. But this is coming from someone who’s never taken a vacation day—not even her full lunch hour—the entire time I’ve known her.

“Yes,” I apologize. “There’s been an emergency.”