Sydney Harbour Hospital: Zoe's Baby

Zoe could hear the sigh of relief coming from more than one of the other mothers around her.

And she had never felt more of a failure. She’d been doing her very best here for so long and it had taken less than thirty seconds for someone else to soothe her baby. A man.

She couldn’t look at Teo. She stared down at the bottle of unwanted milk in her hands, her vision blurred by tears.

‘Hey …’

Teo was still smiling, she could hear it in his voice. It was a gentle, soothing word that meant nothing but managed to contain an entire message. A ‘here we are and it’s not really all that bad, is it?’ kind of message.

Emma was probably smiling back at him by now.

‘Zoe?’

Looking up, Zoe knew instantly that the ‘Hey’ had been directed at her and not Emma. But she couldn’t respond. He might think things weren’t so bad because Emma had stopped crying but, for her, things were even worse.

And he knew that. Holding Emma securely with one arm, he reached down and picked up the handle of the car seat. ‘Come with us,’ he invited softly. ‘You can bring the bag.’

Zoe still felt she could explode with the emotion she was trying to contain but she had no choice. She had to follow because ‘us’ was this paediatrician and her baby. And everybody, absolutely everybody in this waiting room, was watching. All the mothers, a sprinkling of fathers, the receptionists and nursing staff behind the desk. Even the older children present were all staring.

But not at her, Zoe realised. They were all watching Teo and the majority of watchers had smiles on their faces.

Because Emma was finally quiet?

Because the sight of such a masculine figure holding a small baby was guaranteed to tug at heartstrings?

Or did it have something to do with the fact that this particular masculine figure was so good looking? It was more than the combination of even features and glossy black hair. There was something about the way Teo handled his size. The grace that came from not only confidence but a relaxed way of looking at life. And it was about the way he smiled so easily and the way he could see solutions rather than problems.

Zoe wasn’t the only person following Teo. A little boy had abandoned the toy he’d been playing with and was trotting purposefully in the wake of the big man. His mother had to jump up and catch him before they reached the door.

Teo led her out of the waiting room and along a corridor. Then he opened the door of a room marked ‘Private’. There were comfortable chairs in here, a change table, a big basket of toys and a tiny kitchenette. The coffee table had a large box of tissues on it.

‘This is a room reserved for families who need a bit of time out or a special consultation,’ Teo told her. ‘It was a bit crowded out there, wasn’t it?’

Zoe’s nod was jerky. Her tears had stopped for the moment but she heard herself sniff. She pulled a few tissues from the box, blew her nose and then dabbed at her eyes, hoping Teo wouldn’t notice.

He didn’t appear to. He was looking down at Emma. ‘So who’s this little sweetheart?’ he asked.

‘Her name’s Emma.’

‘She’s, what, about six months old?’

‘Nearly.’

‘And … she’s yours?’

‘Yes.’ Zoe had noticed the hesitation and it made her feel ashamed. Was the lack of a normal mother-child bond so obvious?

Emma chose that moment to start grizzling, too, as if the confirmation that Zoe was her mother was disturbing. Zoe stared down at the bottle of milk she was still carrying.

‘You could heat that up a bit,’ Teo suggested. ‘There’s a microwave over there beside the coffee-making stuff.’

‘We can’t stay.’

‘Why not?’

‘Emma’s got an appointment at the clinic. We’ve been waiting for ages so it must be nearly her turn.’

‘That’s not a problem. I can make sure she gets seen. Is there something you’re worried about?’

‘No. It’s just a routine check-up.’

‘So it’s not urgent.’

‘Well, no … except …’

‘Except what?’ Teo prompted.

‘I … um … I’ve got an appointment myself. At 10.30.’

‘Obstetric?’

‘No.’ Zoe didn’t want to tell him. She could feel the flush of embarrassment colouring her cheeks. It was one of the worst things about being a redhead, the way blushes came so quickly.

‘Sit down, just for a minute,’ Teo said. ‘Please. You won’t be late. This clinic goes on for hours and you can always bring her back after you’ve been … wherever it is you need to go.’

He could see a solution for everything. And it didn’t matter if she didn’t want to tell him anything. In the short silence that followed, Teo sat down in one of the chairs. Emma was quiet again. She looked as if she’d fallen asleep in his arms, too exhausted by her misery to remember she was hungry. Zoe sank down onto the edge of another armchair, feeling defeated. There was no point in denying she had a problem. Teo had seen it for himself. He had been prepared to help her in what had been her worst moment for a very long time. He deserved some honesty.

‘I have an appointment with John Allen,’ she admitted. ‘He’s a—’

‘Clinical psychologist,’ Teo nodded. ‘I know John well. He’s a good friend. He and his wife Susie live in the apartment next to mine.’

Oh … help. Zoe took in a shaky gulp of air. ‘I’d rather he didn’t know about what you saw in the waiting room.’

Teo looked curious. ‘What did I see?’

‘Someone who was being a miserable failure trying to look after her baby,’ Zoe muttered.

Teo shook his head. ‘I saw a mother doing her best in difficult circumstances. Babies are very good at picking up vibes. What I didn’t see was anyone offering you any kind of assistance and I have to say that was disappointing. This is my department and I’m going to have something to say about that at the next staff meeting. You know what?’

‘No …’ Zoe’s response was cautious. She couldn’t believe he was being so non-judgmental. Giving her credit, even, for the meltdown he’d rescued them from.

‘I think I’ll send out a memo. I can do that, cos I’m head of department here. Someone might even read it and take some notice.’ Teo’s smile was fading and his tone became a lot more serious. ‘I saw something else, too,’ he added.

Oh, no … he was the head of the paediatric department? If he did say something to his friend John, her psychologist would certainly take some notice. Zoe gnawed on her bottom lip, hoping she didn’t look as anxious as she was now feeling. What else had he noticed?

‘I saw someone who lacked confidence in what she was doing,’ Teo said gently. ‘And while there’s nothing unusual in that when it comes to first-time mothers, in your case it astonished me.’

Zoe wished the floor would just open up and swallow her. This was unbearable.